You don’t need me to tell you that being cheated on sucks. It can destroy relationships, families, and a person’s sense of self-worth, while its long-lasting lingering effects — fear, insecurity, and mistrust — can have a detrimental impact on future romances.
Sounds shit, right? You probably wouldn’t want to relive that experience on TV for millions to watch, right? Wrong! Well, wrong for the cast of Netflix’s new reality series, Cheat: Unfinished Business at least.
The show, a nightmarish mishmash of Love Island, Ex on the Beach, and Jeremy Kyle, is hosted by Amanda Holden and MAFS UK expert Paul C Brunson and features eight ex-couples whose relationships ended after infidelity. Over nine episodes, it follows the couples as they try to either reconcile or find closure.
If that doesn’t sound horrid enough, all the sexy ex-couples are cooped up under one roof, so there’s plenty of ex-swapping drama, too. Just what you need to heal from cheating!
Except obvi this is reality TV, so healing isn’t really the aim (the drama is, darling). So instead, if you’ve experienced cheating — whether as the cheater or cheatee — and you’re looking for some actually successful post-infidelity reconciliation stories to help you navigate the bumpy ride, we gotchu.
Read on for 11 women’s stories of why they stayed with their cheating partners — and how they rebuilt trust to revive a happy relationship.
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1. “Struggling together was better than being apart”
2. “A LOT of time and patience and gradual trust rebuilding. A lot of backsliding as far as my feelings go about it. Neither of us like it when that happens, he doesn’t like being reminded about how bad he messed up and I don’t like reliving those feelings, but we broke up when it happened and came back together after being apart for a while. We decided that struggling together for a while was better than being apart forever… He didn’t like [his] behaviour, so he fixed it. The most important take away from this is that I DID NOT CHANGE HIM, he did it himself, I just stood by him while he figured his shit out.” [via]
2. “Reconciliation is not for the weak”
“I think it depends a lot on [your partner’s] actions. If they’re truly remorseful and willing to meet you all the way and do ALL work necessary to help you and your [relationship] heal, it can be totally worth it. It’s so hard at first, but seven years [on and I’m] SO happy I stayed and worked on [the relationship]. Even with a success story, I still have low days… It’s a personal choice that has to be right for you. Reconciliation is NOT for the weak, but I believe, we all have the strength somewhere. If you don’t want to muster it up, that may be your sub-conscious giving you an out.” [via]
3. “We’re each other’s person”
“I forgave my boyfriend, now fiancée, for cheating on me a couple years back. We were having a weird time, work had made me basically [an] absentee girlfriend, he developed a crush on a co-worker. We had discussed opening our relationship before this, which was something I was more interested in than he was, but we were not polyamorous at this time. He ended up cheating with her. It hurt. Trust was shattered.
I don’t blame myself for him cheating, that’s all on him. He should have come to me when he felt neglected. However, I do see how I was taking him for granted and overworking myself. We did a lot of soul searching. A lot of talking about unmet needs (on both sides). A lot of raw honest talks about deep deep things. We fought, we cried, we split up, we reunited… Ultimately, we love each other. We’re each other’s person. The trust built back up over time. The hurt went away over time. If anything I’ll say this made us stronger. It forced us to really analyse our relationship. In the end we decided that what we both wanted was to stay together, forever even, just with a sex-life modification [as swingers now].” [via]
4. “We put in a lot of work”
“We put in A LOT of work. There were a lot of tears and anger and fights and finger pointing. But we stuck with it. We determined the things that were wrong from either side and what we, as individuals, needed from each other… I needed honesty. Brutal as it sometimes could and can be, if I asked he had to tell me the absolute truth. I needed no secrets… I also needed transparency. If I asked where he was, he needed to tell me/show me… Transparency also applied to his phones, email, etc. We had to rebuild trust with one another. I had to relearn to trust he wasn’t gonna cheat again and he had to relearn that he needed to talk to me and trust me to take care of his needs if I know about them.
People CAN work through infidelity. I do not subscribe to the philosophy that once a cheater, always a cheater. Cheating often is precipitated by some sort of issue in the relationship that wasn’t handled the right way. Sure, some people cheat just to do it, but that’s not everyone. Be honest and transparent with your [partner]. Answer her questions, even if they’re uncomfortable or embarrassing. And TALK. Talk and touch, [even if it’s just handholding] or something light. It helps.” [via]
5. “We all make mistakes”
“I married him almost 10 years later, people can change. I admit that it was soooo hard to overcome, but he wanted to stay and I demanded full transparency which really helped. We are all humans and make mistakes. You know him best if he is truly sincere or not, if you have it in your heart, forgive him.” [via]
6. “I still saw myself having a future with him”
“I forgave my partner after he cheated twice… After finding out, I was absolutely devastated, I spent the whole day crying. Despite him wanting to leave due to his own guilt and shame, I proposed to first [taking] some space so I could think about the whole situation. I started thinking about all the time we spent together. I weighed the positives and negatives. I asked myself, ‘Does this one negative outweigh everything else?’ For me, personally, it didn’t. Yes, it hurt me immensely, but the amount of love I had for him pushed me to want to save the relationship. I still saw myself having a future with him.
The core issue is rebuilding trust. What happened will never be forgotten, and will be something that will come back to haunt when a certain trigger happens. Having a talk with your partner about setting boundaries is a good start, [as long as they] really act on them. Actions speak louder than words.” [via]
7. “You need to accept that this will always be what happened”
“My [partner] has been doing A LOT of work. Therapy, better communication, and opening up by talking about his fears and things that bother him, showing remorse and regret, admitting he was an a-hole most of our marriage, more affection, putting me first before himself, showing interest and participating in things I want to do that bring me joy, he changed jobs, started taking care of himself and better habits, thanking me daily for staying with him, church and prayer- which has always been important to me, holding me and validating my feelings instead of avoiding them, apologising after I have a trigger, and being a better person not only to me but also to our kids and his parents.
Even though he broke me, he is truly making changes to be a better human and has been consistent and intentional. I’m not going to lie, some days can be really hard. It is a lot of work from both of you. You need to be able to get to the acceptance part that this will always be what happened and accepting that you will be permanently changed… some good and some not so good. I became more resilient and know I can do life on my own if he does it again.” [via]
8. “Give yourself time”
“We are seven years out and we are wonderful. Our marriage is stronger than ever and we are best friends. I can’t imagine what life would be like without him. We flirt, we are open about everything, we do date nights. I love where we are. It takes a lot of patience with yourself and with your [partner]. It took maybe two to three years to get out of the ‘do I stay or go’ phase. Four to five to feel emotionally better. I have done a tremendous amount of therapy, including EMDR which was a life saver. I knew in my heart I loved him and wanted to work through it, but it was very difficult. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
My advice: give yourself time. Give yourself grace. Everything you are feeling is absolutely normal and part of the process. If you feel like ‘that’s it, I’m throwing in the towel’, it’s okay. You need to do what’s best for you. You didn’t fail.” [via]
9. “We’re closer than we’ve ever been”
“It gets easier. The whole process is slow in general, and the first year was rough for me in terms of spiralling and just trying to feel like ‘us’ again in the aftermath. I don’t necessarily feel like there’s much change day by day, but if I look back to three, six, or 12 months ago now, there’s a world of difference. Healing really is happening.
My [partner] was immediately remorseful and went above and beyond to spend time with me, reassure me, support me, etc. But… then there were two additional trickle truth [cheating confessions], so our [reconciliation] hasn’t exactly been linear, and there is a lot that’s happened here that I’ve struggled to get past. Overall, we are on a solid path. We’re happy together and closer than I think we’ve ever been. I am hopeful for continued progress and healing.” [via]
10. “I was able to reach forgiveness”
“Honestly, in retrospect, I did it because I had low self-esteem and attachment issues, but it turned out alright. He did demonstrate his remorse and show his desire to change in actions, and I was able to reach forgiveness. We did end up dating for about another 1.5 years after that. It was fine, some good times, but we were not at all compatible and eventually the relationship had more than run its course. The break-up didn’t have anything to do with the cheating. We’re friendly now, over a decade later.” [via]
11. “He used it to better himself”
“It was 10 years after the fact when we got back together. I haven’t been given a reason to believe that he’d do it again, especially given that I know that he’d actively regretted it the whole 10 years we were apart — and that he used it to better himself as a partner to his girlfriends that came after me. Right now we’re married and have a kid.” [via]
