March marked five years (!) since the first Covid lockdown was announced in the UK. And, although it feels like there’s been a collective attempt to forget that it ever happened, the pandemic’s effects are still keenly felt in our everyday lives — in most cases, for the worse. This will be particularly stark for those who lost loved ones, those suffering with long-Covid, and immunocompromised and disabled people whose daily lives may still be affected by the virus. But it can also manifest in more abstract ways: feeling constantly burned out by the perceived pace of life; lingering moments of social anxiety; a sense that you’ve lost something, but you can’t quite pinpoint what.
This post-pandemic fog may well hang over your relationships, too. Is there an underlying tension with your partner? Do you feel distant from your friends? Are you more irritable with your family than you used to be? Well, if so, you’re not alone. A new survey by Counselling Directory has delved into the longer-term effects of the pandemic on our romantic and platonic relationships — and it seems like a lot of us are still struggling.
As per the survey, 67% of therapists reported an increase in clients finding it difficult to make or maintain friendships post-pandemic, while 32% said clients have become more hesitant and cautious about dating and forming new relationships.
Sound familiar? It’s no secret that dating has been more torturous than usual since the pandemic, with people reporting dating app fatigue (and graveyards of conversation-less matches), feeling more reluctant to approach people IRL, or even swearing off dating altogether.
Our friendships haven’t got off scot-free, either. Whether we lost touch with people during the pandemic, it prevented us from making new friends — say at uni or in a new job — or held us back from hitting the same life milestones as our friends, many of us feel like our social circles are now smaller or more fractured than ever. At the same time, we’re often so busy (or exhausted) that we’re scheduling friends weeks in advance, which can make our interactions feel more like work than play.
When it comes to romantic relationships, the survey found that the main challenges affecting couples appear to be communication issues (which 75% of people say they’re wrestling with), work stress and burnout (70%), financial worries (63%), sex and intimacy issues (43%), parenting-related conflicts (35%), and trust issues (30%). A smorgasbord of stressors, then!
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It’s worth noting that it’s not just the pandemic at fault for all of this. “The pandemic left an undeniable imprint on our nervous systems, relationships, and sense of stability and security — but it didn’t end when lockdowns lifted,” trauma-specialist psychotherapist Tina Chummun tells Cosmopolitan UK. “Since 2020, we’ve experienced chronic unpredictability, first through the pandemic and now through financial hardship. Rising living costs, stagnant wages, job insecurity, and extreme workplace demands have kept our stress responses activated, flooding our bodies with cortisol and adrenaline — the very hormones designed to prepare us for short-term danger in order to survive.”
“When this response becomes chronic, it leads to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and relational disconnection,” she continues. “Many people find themselves more irritable, withdrawn, or struggling to communicate effectively in their relationships. Additionally, if someone feels financially insecure, they may unconsciously project shame, frustration, or fear onto their relationships. This often manifests as conflict, avoidance, or emotional shutdown — all which impact intimacy, trust, and emotional availability.”
We’re living through so many simultaneous crises — spanning housing, health, economics, politics, and the way we connect (or, as the case may be, don’t) with each other — that it’s no wonder our own mental health and, subsequently, our relationships are suffering. But has our inclination to ignore the pandemic’s influence on this only heightened our woes?
“Many of us have attempted to ‘move on’ from the pandemic without interrogating how deeply it rewired our brains and bodies,” says Chummun. “But avoidance doesn’t equal healing — it just keeps you distracted from it and delays it. This then means it will rise up back into your awareness when you’ve been triggered.”
What’s more, she adds, whether we address it or not, the world has entered a state of acceleration post-pandemic. “Instead of easing back into normality, we’ve gone into overcompensation mode — socially, professionally, and economically. We’re not just dealing with a post-pandemic world, we’re dealing with a post-trauma world layered with financial hardship, workplace pressures, and nervous system dysregulation. The solution isn’t just pushing through. It’s about regulating our nervous systems, redefining productivity, and re-learning human connection in a world that prioritises money and speed over depth.”
Feeling stressed just reading all this? Us too. So, what can we do about it — both for ourselves and our relationships? Chummun has four tips:
- Slow down and pause with intention. Schedule time for genuine connection, whether it’s weekly phone-free dinners, walks, or deep conversations. Real relationships require presence, not just proximity.
- Recognise when overworking is a trauma response. If you feel guilty resting, ask yourself: ‘Am I actually busy, or am I running from stillness?’ Not enough rest = more irritability = more strain on your relationships.
- Create micro-moments of connection. Even in busy schedules, small efforts matter: a 30-second hug increases oxytocin and reduces cortisol; a few minutes of eye contact with a loved one restores emotional safety; and a brief check-in with yourself and your body (‘How’s your heart today?’) deepens your inner connection.
- Set financial boundaries. Reassess spending habits and focus on value-based spending, prioritising what truly enhances well-being over impulse-driven purchases, so you can invest in the connections that matter.
