Not yet convinced on speed dating? Here you go: a pre-vetted dating pool! No swiping! Built-in icebreakers! Zero Photoshopped bio pics! Also, that image that comes to mind when you hear the term ‘speed dating’ (cue awkward singles hovering around a lonely box of doughnuts in a sad basement venue) is no longer it. Because a newer, cooler, actually effective version has arrived to offer you the sheer relief that is IRL ‘scrolling’ through potential dates. And driven by ever-present, totally crushing dating app fatigue, attendance at these in-person events has recently surged by 42%.
Generally, today’s speed dating involves paying an upfront fee of around £10 to £30 for an event near you, which you can find via a quick Eventbrite search. Meet-ups of 50 or fewer people take place at the type of trendy bars and restaurants you’d actually want to visit, and the vibe is more ‘fun night out’ than ‘cringey work drinks’, thanks to curated programming, games, and invitees who are interested in dating with intention.
Are some of the older-school aspects of speed dating still alive? Sure, you may find one-on-one sit-downs regulated by timers at certain events, but the fact that everyone present has paid to be there means they’re likely to be taking it seriously, not just messing around as if they’re in some kind of matchmaking video game. Combine that with the prospect of being able to chemistry-test lots of different potential partners in one night away from your sofa, which sounds pretty appealing, right?
Like with all things in-person, the scariest part is just showing up, says Maxine Williams, founder of the US-based speed-dating company We Met In Real Life. Then, once you’re there, make use of the expert tips below to get the most out of your evening. Good luck — and feel free to thank us on your eventual wedding site’s ‘Our Story’ page.
First, hone your headspace
Sign up with a single friend to make it feel like a low-pressure night. If you get cold feet on the day, sex and relationships therapist Janet Brito says to give yourself a pep talk before you leave. (Think: ‘I’ve got this. I’m brave. This will be a cool experience.’) You don’t have to meet your soulmate for the night to be worth it — just consider it good practice.
Perfect your pitch
Before the event, text three friends and ask them what they think would be the most important things a partner should know about you. Is it your work ethic? Your unmatched optimism? Your colourful creativity? Use their answers to inform what you mention to your dates. Brito suggests having a loose script or bullet points in mind so that you go into every chat feeling confident and prepared, which can help quell any pesky nerves.
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Dress the part
In the same way that you pick your app photos and draft prompt responses to spark interesting chats, you can create natural points of entry IRL. Wear the compliment-demanding statement earrings you got in Portugal or throw on gig merch from your favourite band. Hell, even your phone background (cute puppy pic, anyone?) can be a conversation starter. You don’t need to go over the top, but think about ways to showcase your personality.
Good vibes only
If you find yourself having to keep a flailing convo going with someone who’s clearly not your person, don’t mentally check out in a way that could make you seem rude to others in the room. (Obviously, if they’re actively offensive, that’s a different story.) Stay engaged and ask about how the event is going for them, like you would for a friend. Positive energy is contagious, and your next match or potential future partner may already have eyes on you.
Five sneakily revealing questions to ask when you only have five minutes
1.‘Who in your life has influenced you the most?’
2.‘Which TV shows, films or books have inspired you?’
3.‘Why shouldn’t I date you?’
4.‘What would your perfect life look like in five years?’
5.‘Is there a question you’d like me to ask you that I haven’t yet?’
