We’re all loyal to our own traditions at Christmas, whether that includes a strict minute-by-minute timetable, back-to-back board games (and a colossal family argument, naturally), or a late start and leisurely pub lunch.
Whatever it is, you’re used to it. And you’re not necessarily willing to compromise on it. But what happens if you fall in love? Suddenly there’s someone else to think about. And soon, you’ll inevitably have to decide if you’re spending the holidays together, whose family you’ll visit, and how to survive someone else’s Christmas.
“If it goes right, it’s wonderful,” says sex and relationship therapist Cate Mackenzie. “If it goes wrong, it can be a disaster.” So, to save you from a potential Christmas catastrophe, we break down the pros and cons of spending the festive season with your other half, and how to do it fairly and without (too much) stress.
The case for and against
You love your partner, you love your family, and you love Christmas, so potentially it could be a joyful, pain-free experience. Plus, says Mackenzie: “If you go to your partner’s family, you’re making a nice offering and showing a gesture of connection.”
On the other hand, if your family’s Christmas is usually a little, well, fraught, it probably won’t bring out the best in you. Sure, having a new person there might diffuse this tension, but it could also heighten it by putting pressure on you to keep everyone happy. Besides, sometimes it’s nice to just hang out alone with your family and be selfish about your traditions.
Mastering the art of a joint Christmas
Okay, you’ve decided it’s time to do Christmas together and now you need to come up with a plan. This isn’t just about how to split it fairly, but how you’ll get through what can end up being a painfully long day.
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“Plan to take a couple of moments during the proceedings to go off by yourselves,” advises Mackenzie. “Even if it’s just a 20-minute walk. Or, if you’re with your family, give your partner an agreed window when they can go and be alone for an hour if they need to. If you have regular breaks and glimmers — which are little bits of joy — together, it’ll make things a lot calmer and smoother.”
Better apart?
If you’re both too stuck in your ways to compromise, or if you simply don’t want to spend Christmas together yet, there are still ways to feel close over the holidays despite being apart. “You could leave a surprise gift for them on Christmas Day,’ suggests Mackenzie. “Or plan a different special date to be together.”
Arranging a pre- or post-Christmas celebration just for the two of you can sometimes be even nicer than joining in with another family’s celebration. It’s the best of both worlds: you get a fun festive day with your partner, and they never have to see you in your Christmas pyjamas having a teenage tantrum at your parents. Win, win.
