24 best books about sex and intimacy that everyone should read

Most, if not all, women know what it’s like to be slut-shamed — AKA criticised, humiliated, or harassed for their sexual expression — and journalist Beth Ashley is no exception. But what is a slut? Why is slut-shaming so prevalent? And what’s its history? In her taboo-smashing debut book, Sluts, Ashley sets about answering these questions, and strives to give us the tools to fight slut-shaming.

Could your sex life use a jumpstart? Or maybe it’s in need of a total transformation? Whatever the case, Emily Nagoski’s book, Come As You Are, is essential reading, expertly articulating why and how women’s sexuality works. Synthesising research and data, this book breaks down the science of sex (and why some couples stop having it) while still being an easy, digestible read.

In Want Me, a heartfelt, darkly humorous memoir, sex writer Tracy Clark-Flory opens up about her personal journey of navigating her own sexual desire. She chronicles her experiences on adult film sets, at fetish conventions, and during an orgasmic meditation retreat, all while weaving in statistics and expert voices that challenge common views on sexual freedom.

How should we think and talk about sex? That is the central question philosopher Amia Srinivasan explores in The Right to Sex: Feminism in the Twenty-First Century. In this book, she upends how people discuss ― or avoid discussing ― the problems and politics of sex. She traces the meaning of sex throughout history and dives into sex in all its complexity, including its relationship to gender, class, race, and power.

Widely known as the ‘Poly Bible’, The Ethical Slut has been a mainstay on sex books lists for more than 20 years. Consider it your thorough how-to guide on all things polyamorous, designed to help you navigate the poly lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer sex practices. The third edition includes interviews with poly millennials, tools for conflict resolution, and new info on topics like asexuality, sex workers, and LGBTQ terminology.

It’s common to experience sexual difficulty at one point or another. But you deserve the sex life you want, which is what Better Sex Through Mindfulness helps you achieve. In this accessible, relatable book, psychologist and sex researcher Lori A. Brotto explores why sexual problems exist and tells the stories of many of the women she has treated over the years. Plus, there are exercises you can try out for yourself!

The Body Is Not an Apology may be the name of the book, but it’s also a mantra worth adding to your life. Through helpful prompts and thought-provoking prose, activist and poet Sonya Renee Taylor provides a template for reconnecting with your mind, body, and soul on your journey of radical self-love.

Affairs. They can be messy AF and make your sex life even messier. In this book, couples therapist and best-selling author Esther Perel recounts real-life case stories of those who have dealt with affairs, alongside incisive psychological and cultural analysis. She challenges preconceived notions about affairs, arguing that they have a lot to teach us about modern relationships.

In this book, sex therapist Ian Kerner provides useful techniques for assessing, fixing, and expanding what he calls your “sex scripts”. He also examines common sexual problems preventing you from getting the happy endings you deserve, all accompanied with the latest clinical insight, sexual science and research, and case studies. And yes, there are homework assignments, too!

In her 2018 memoir, Sex Drive, Stephanie Theobold goes on a journey to rediscover her body, sexuality, and her orgasms. And when I say journey, I mean a literal journey. Escaping a failing relationship, the author sets off on a 3,497-mile trip across America, experimenting with ‘body sex’ classes, alien pleasure churches, and ‘ecosexual’ sexologists. Theobold holds nothing back, so prepare for frank — and very funny — conversations about sex, masturbation, and porn.

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability is designed for all genders and sexual identities and covers the span of disabilities, from chronic fatigue and back pain to spinal cord injury, multiple sclerosis, cystic fibrosis, cerebral palsy, and many others. It discusses sexual positions to minimise stress and maximise pleasure, how to deal with fatigue, pain, and spasms during sex, and more.

In this candid book, transgender activist Juno Roche explores sex, desire, and dating alongside leading figures from the trans and non-binary communities. Their first-hand accounts celebrate trans bodies and challenge the ways in which society views gender, sexuality, and relationships.

Writer Lisa Taddeo spent eight years and thousands of hours chronicling the lives of the women whose stories comprise Three Women, even going so far as to move to the towns they called home. In this non-fiction book, readers are introduced to those three women at various points in their lives who contend with the harsh realities of sex and relationships.

In this book, the authors share their perspectives on ethical non-monogamy. It challenges common views on sex, marriage, and family, breaking down long-held assumptions about human sexuality.

New York City-based therapist Esther Perel offers a new take on intimacy and sex. Drawing on more than 20 years of experience as a couples therapist, she carefully considers what creates true desire. Equipped with case studies and animated anecdotes, the book helps you achieve more exciting sex right now.

The internet and sex are forever intertwined, and this clever book by journalist Samantha Cole closely studies how sexuality influenced the internet (and vice versa) over the years. This visual history is filled with broad themes and backstories, pioneering personalities, and eureka-moments, covering everything from porn to online dating to deepfakes.

This workbook is super helpful if you’re looking for a more interactive way to embrace and honour your sexuality. Meant to be used with your therapist (complete with therapist instructions in the appendix), it’s a practical aid in attaining a personally satisfying and sustainable sex life.

In this book, intimacy expert and counsellor Michaela Boehm shares practical rituals and exercises that are designed to help deepen your relationships. Boehm humorously and sharply points out self-improvement areas to work on that you might not have noticed before.