1. Finding a bikini that goes up to your size and doesn't look like two gigantic hammocks is an eternal struggle. Day of swimwear shopping planned? Alcohol required.
2. You need size-22 tops and size-12 bottoms, but they don't do mix and match in the style you like. Bite me.
3. You might also need to take out a bank loan. Apparently ALL that extra material equates to about 35 extra pounds.
4. You have to readjust every 30 minutes, (put your hands inside your bikini, cup and lift). Boys love it. We don't.
5. That pretty bow in the back of your halterneck? Yeah that lovely little detail can really start to DIG IN with all that gravity dragging it down on your neck.
6. You need REALLY strong arms to tie a halter behind your neck when it's holding up 6lbs of flesh.
Everyone's clicking on...
7. Speaking of gravity... you have to rotate your halterneck bikinis with your normal bikinis, because your neck and shoulders really can't cope with two days straight of holding up those babies.
8. You will never escape tan lines - strapless bikinis + big boobs are not compatible. Fact.
9. If you do take down your straps when lying down, expect your boobs to find nice new homes for themselves in your armpits.
10. Trying to tan your back isn't all that easy, either - lying on huge boobs isn't as comfortable as you might think.
11. You'll spend your whole holiday trying to avoid your own breasts' shadow - no one wants a pale tummy.
12. Forget sunbathing topless... see all above
13. Beach games are out - bikinis aren't as supportive as proper underwear, so think twice before playing that game of volleyball.
14. Slip an easy-breezy kaftan over your bikini to hit the lunch buffet, and you immediately look pregnant.
15. Bras for big women contain more structural engineering than Clifton Suspension Bridge. For some reason, manufacturers don't think we need any of that on the beach, so expect your boobs to head immediately south.
Jess Edwards is Cosmopolitan UK’s Deputy Editor, working to deliver the very best experiences across the brand's platforms (print, social, video, digital), products and events, including a focus on our membership offering, Club Cosmo. Jess has worked in the media industry for almost 20 years and at Cosmopolitan for over 10 years, joining the brand as Fashion Editor and later going on to lead the digital team as Site Editor. With her background in lifestyle journalism, it is no surprise that you’re most likely to find her in the Fashion section and exploring the very best in hospitality via our Travel pages.
