It's October, which means its Halloween! Time to whack out your best costume (anyone considering going as Taylor Swift this year?), having some spooky-themed cocktails and telling a Halloween joke or two. Here are the best one-liners to have up your sleeve.

Because, let's face it, whether you're going to a Halloween party or have a work social this month, the chances are you could benefit from having a (yes, slightly cringe, and yes, slightly dad-jokey) spooky story to tell. Or maybe it's when you want to lighten the mood after watching a horror movie, or during a Halloween film marathon?

Also, no one is above a pun! Anyone thought about a timely Hinge profile prompt maybe?

Best Halloween jokes and puns

  • What's a vampire's favourite fruit?

Neck-tarines

  • What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

A squash

  • What kind of bread do zombies use?

Whole brain

  • Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because he had no body to go with

  • Where does the ghouls send letters?

At the ghost office

  • Who did the ghost take on a date?

His ghoulfriend

  • Why did the ghost quit studying?

Because he was too ghoul for school

  • Where does a ghosts go on vacation?

The Dead Sea

  • Why don't skeletons like Halloween sweets?

They don't have the stomach for it

  • Why don't people like vampires?

They're a pain in the neck

  • Why do vampires love lollipops?

They're suckers

  • Which monster loves going clubbibg?

The boogeyman

  • What car does Frankenstein drive?

A monster truck

  • What does a ghost call a mistake?

A boo boo.

  • Why can't the skeleton play music in the church?

Because they've got no organs

  • What do witches put on their bagels?

Scream cheese.

  • What happens when a vampire goes out when it's snowing?

Frost bite

  • Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?

He was already stuffed

  • Where do werewolves hide their Halloween costume?

In a werehouse

  • Why did the vampire need mouthwash?

Because he had bat breath

  • What kind of food does a witch have for lunch?

A sand-witch

  • How does a skeleton say 'hello' in French?

Bone-jour

  • What's the problem with twin wizards?

You never know witch is witch

  • Where does a ghost go on holiday?

Mali-boo.

  • Where do fashionable ghosts shop for clothes?

Boo-tiques

  • How do mummies start their cover letters?

Tomb it may concern

  • How do ghosts get their hair to stay in place?

They use scare-spray

  • What do birds give to trick or treaters?

Tweets

  • What’s a ghost’s favourite dessert?

I scream

  • What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Sham-boo!

  • When do cows turn into werewolves?

During the full moo-n

  • What do ghosts eat for dinner?

Spook-ghetti

  • What do ghosts where for bad eyesight?

Spook-tacles

  • Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to trick or treating?

His heart wasn’t in it.

  • Why are zombies so hard to understand?

They’re very crypt-ic

  • Where did the zombie buy a new home?

On the road with a dead end

  • What did the witch do when she got very angry?

She flew off the handle

  • What is a vampire’s least favourite food?

Stake.

  • Why are vampires terrible at playing rounders?

Their bats fly away

  • What do the ghosts play on the beach with?

Boo-ckets and spades

  • What's a mummy's favourite genre of music?

Wrap

  • What does a panda ghost eat?

Bam-BOO

  • Why didn't the zombie go to work?

He felt rotten

  • What happened when the vampire was ill?

He couldn't stop coffin

  • What does a zombie call his parents?

Mummy and Deady

  • Did you hear about the grumpy pumpkin?

It needed to lighten up

  • What's the skeleton's favourite band?

The Dead Hot Chili Peppers

  • Why shouldn't you date a mummy?

They're too wrapped up in themselves

  • Why do ghosts like to ride in the lift?

It raises their spirits.

  • What’s a monster’s favourite movie?

Romeo and Ghouliet

  • How do witches set their hair?

With scare spray

  • How do you get out of a graveyard?

Use a skeleton key

  • Who do witches live with?

Broommates

  • Why are trick or treaters never on time?

Because they're running choco-late

  • What is a ghost's favourite type of fruit?

Boo-berries

  • What do you call someone cleaning their garden on Halloween?

The grim-sweeper

  • Why don't witches like Starbucks?

Because they like to brew their own coffeee

  • What would you do to get rid of daemons?

Exorcise

  • What is a pumpkin's favourite way to listen to music?

On vine-yl

  • Why don't skeletons bungee jump?

The don't have the guts to

  • What kind of shoes do ghosts wear in the winter?

Boo-ts

  • Where do spiders buy their food shopping?

On the web

  • How do vampires spend their Sundays?

Bat-ch cooking

  • What is the ghoul's favourite song?

'Scream A Little Scream Of Me'

  • Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

You can see right through them

  • Where do mummies like to go on holiday?

Near the dead sea

  • How do ghosts ask each other how they are?

'How do you boo?'

  • What is the ghost's favourite playground game?

Hide and shriek

  • How do zombies like their eggs cooked?

Terri-fried

  • What is the witch's favourite subject at school?

Spelling!

Honestly, you're welcome.