1. Take a tablespoon of Twitter exploding with jokes about Mary Berry's soggy bottom *Snigger*
2. Add a pinch of Paul glinting over a rosemary-infused loaf in an overly sexual way
3. Stir with a creation that looks spectacular on paper, but is a total atrocity in 3D. See: last season's Dalek cake...
(And this, which may or may not be based on something we 'created' when we were 6-years-old)
4. In a separate bowl, sieve Sue Perkins making terrible, terrible jokes
5. Plus 3oz of more innuendo than you can shake a French stick at
(Buns, horns, stiff whipping… Why don't they just crown the weekly winner the 'Master Baker' and have done with it?)
6. Pour in a pint of lovely Mel - just saying it as it is
7. And beat vigorously with Mary pulling this face. You know, the one that tells you she's just eaten a mouthful of cake full of salt
8. Combine both mixtures and pop them in the oven at 180 degrees, just before the power surge which occurs as everyone in the country puts the kettle on during the history bits. Bake until golden brown, and serve with a statement like this:
8pm tonight. BBC One. We. Can't. Wait.
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