1. Well, there were no TVs back then, so it wouldn't actually be on. I guess this feature's over then...
ONLY MESSING!
2. Instead of shouting "I got a text", they'd exclaim (calmly and in a dignified manner) that a nice young man on horseback had just delivered a telegram for them to peruse at their leisure
3. The female Islanders wouldn't be able to use the pool while they were on their period as they only had giant sanitary towels back then. So there'd be none of this...
4. The women's swimwear would look less like this...
5. And more like this...
6. All the men would have moustaches. Because that's just how it was back then
7. Everything would be sepia
8. The men would duel to the death to win the heart of their one true love
9. The women would stay in the shade all day as a tan was most unbecoming
10. No-one would be wearing junk-crushingly skinny jeans with rips at the knee
11. Or bikini bottoms that go up arses
12. Blazin' Squad wasn't a thing yet, so at least we wouldn't hear a single word uttered about that
13. Plus, Danny Dyer hadn't been born yet, so Dani's dad being famous wouldn't be mentioned 97 times a day either...
14. Being 'pied' would mean having your throat cut, and your body being baked into a pie by Sweeney Todd. So, yeah, much worse than just getting dumped
15. 'Grafting' would mean working all the hours in the day at a factory where you risked your life - or at least your limbs - working with heavy machinery from the age of seven. So again, yeah... much harder than just trying to impress someone
16. Being 'salty' would refer to the meat you were eating, which, because there were no fridges, would have been preserved in a shit-ton of salt
17. Banter/bantz didn't exist. You were either mean to someone because they were a bastard who had stolen your goat/cart/wife. Or you were nice to them because they weren't a bastard aka they hadn't given you the plague. There were no confusing mixed messages like there are these days
18. Weirdly, Jonny would still be there. But he'd be teaching young orphans how to pick a pocket or two
19. There'd be no personalised water bottles. Just tankards of mead/stagnant water collected from a nearby ravine
20. The challenges would be less about guessing who'd mugged you off behind your back, and more just men bobbing for apples and women comparing corsets to see whose boning was damaging their internal organs the most
21. There would be no rapping. Thank god
22. Muggy Mike would also be there. In breeches
23. There was no Twitter back then. So if you watched Love Island and didn't tweet about it, did you even watch it at all?
24. Caroline Flack would be replaced by Queen Victoria
25. Montana would be snuffling down bowls of gruel instead of lovely cereal while she watched other Islanders row
26. Lie detectors were a little different in the olden days. If one of the girls was accused of slagging off the other girls behind their backs, she'd be thrown into a river. If she floated to the top, she was lying and would be dumped from the villa. If she drowned, she was telling the truth, so all was forgiven
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![from lifted entertainmentlove island all stars: sr3, ep39 on itv2 and itvxpictured: samie, ciaran.this photograph is (c) itv and can only be reproduced for editorial purposes directly in connection with the programme or event mentioned above, or itv plc. this photograph must not be manipulated [excluding basic cropping] in a manner which alters the visual appearance of the person photographed deemed detrimental or inappropriate by itv plc picture publicity. this photograph must not be syndicated to any other company, publication or website, or permanently archived, without the express written permission of itv picture publicity. full terms and conditions are available on the website www.itv.com/presscentre/itvpictures/terms](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/010ce250-40cb-4b1b-a8ef-7c4155409365.jpg?crop=0.564xw:1.00xh;0.202xw,0&resize=360:* "Love Island All Stars")
