Coping with Christmas when you have an eating disorder – by three women who've been there

Trigger warning: discusses eating disorders

For some people, Christmas is all about twinkly lights, bottomless prosecco and cosy catch-ups. But for others, the festive season can feel heavy, complicated and emotionally draining, especially if you’re navigating grief, poor mental health, or have a difficult relationship with food and your body.

Because so much of this time of year centres on eating – from advent calendars and office buffets to the pressure-packed main event itself – Christmas can be particularly tough for anyone living with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) or other forms of disordered eating.

If this is hitting close to home, it’s important to know that you’re far from alone. At any one time, an estimated 1.25 million people in the UK are struggling with an eating disorder. They impact people of every age, background, gender and body type; there’s no single “look” or life stage attached.

Crucially, help is available, and recovery is possible. There are organisations ready to support you (including Beat, which is signposted at the end of this article), and eating disorders are treatable – people can and do go on to make full, lasting recoveries.

"People often feel pressured to eat large amounts during this time of year, which can lead to feelings of guilt and shame for those who restrict food or experience binge eating," notes Caroline Price, Beat's former Director of Services. "The upheaval of everyday routines, increased socialisation and lack of time alone can also be challenging for those currently unwell."

She also advises speaking to someone you trust before the festive period begins, so you can put plans in place that feel manageable. "For instance, you may want to decide on a subtle signal that you are struggling at the dinner table, have music on as a distraction during mealtimes, or organise non-food related activities such as games or films."

Below, three women open up about what Christmas was like for them while living with an eating disorder – and share the coping strategies that helped them get through it.

Hope from London

I developed anorexia at 12 years old and have been living in recovery since coming out of an inpatient treatment at the age of 18, fourteen years ago. Christmas is a tough time of year for so many, with the pressure to have a perfect day. Add into that the fear of food and it creates turmoil for the whole surrounding period. There's no denying that it can be hard, but I also know it can be OK.

There's this massive focus on food where people seem to spend four or five days eating as much as they can, over-indulging themselves, and then weeks of purging through diet culture, exercise with these added feelings of shame and guilt over all their behaviours.

But for people with eating disorders, there's added stress, fear and anxiety around the festive time. Add into this that the coronavirus pandemic has had a huge impact on the mental health of our nation too, and has hit eating disorder sufferers particularly hard.

Although it's tough – and worrying – there are still things that we can do to make sure that Christmas is a time that works for people affected by eating disorders.

If you have an eating disorder, I'd recommend:

• Being bold and owning Christmas Day – plan the day yourself, to help you retain a sense of control during a time that can feel tough to navigate
• Distracting yourself with activities away from mealtimes, such as board games, going on a walk and listening to a podcast, painting, anything that you personally get joy from
• Remembering it is just one day and the feelings will pass, hang on in there
• Remembering that an eating disorder isn’t really about the food, so ask yourself what is going on instead and if you need mental health support, don't be afraid to get it

Sarah from Newtown in Wales

Christmas was a very distressing time for me; I felt so anxious about all the chocolate I was going to get given, and I felt pressured into having to sit down and eat in front of people.

My eating disorder started in 2009 when I was 16 – I wanted to be in control of everything I was eating. I started by cutting certain foods out of my diet and skipping meals, hiding food in my room so my mum wouldn't realise what I was doing.

I knew what was coming and in the days leading up to Christmas I was barely eating anything, I would also spend hours a day walking in the woods nearby. Then, when it came to Christmas day I ate all of the chocolate that I'd been given so that I wouldn't have it any more – I just wanted it gone.

By this point my family knew about my eating disorder. I refused to sit at the table and eat Christmas dinner, which made things awkward.

In January 2010, I was referred to Child Adult and Mental Health Services for treatment and now I find Christmas a lot easier to deal with. Over the years I've found some little techniques to get through it, such as spending the day with my partner's family and taking my two cats with me. If things get too much then I go and spend some time with them and calm down.

I have made some progress too: I'm making the Christmas cake this year and helping with the food shopping. Nowadays I will sit and join in with Christmas dinner, but it's okay if I can't manage the same as everyone else at this stage in my recovery, it is important to just pace myself and do what I can do.

I try not to put too much pressure on myself. I've learned it's okay if everyone else is having one thing and I can only manage another – it's important to just pace yourself and do what you can do. There is a big emphasis on food at Christmas but really, it's just another day of the year.

Phoebe from Ipswich in Suffolk

I began suffering from an eating disorder when I was a teenager as a response to my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and depression – it was a coping mechanism that became its own problem. Christmas was a particularly difficult time because I would be surrounded by food constantly.

I remember crying over food and shouting at my parents, both for cooking dinner for me, and for not forcing me to eat it. It caused a lot of frustration – my family tried to be supportive but it did make for some arguments and put a strain on our relationship.

We all found it very difficult – I was like a ticking time bomb and the smallest thing could set me off.

Over the years, I was hospitalised a number of times because of my eating disorder. There was one time I remember well because it was a month before Christmas – I wanted to join in with everyone so badly but still really struggled. On the day itself I tried so hard but was still overwhelmed; I felt pressured to recover in time for the celebrations, but I wasn't ready.

Now, I'm years into my recovery and I don't feel anxious about Christmas at all; in fact, I'm really looking forward to it. If I had any advice for people struggling who want to challenge their illness over Christmas, I'd say don't set any expectations for yourself. Even the smallest achievements are achievements, and are worth being proud of.

If you’re worried about your own or someone else’s health, you can contact Beat, the UK’s eating disorder charity, 365 days a year on 0808 801 0677 or visit the website