"You learn to live with the grief but it never goes away. Even now I still wonder if I could have done more to prevent Lizzy from taking her own life."
Five years ago, 28-year-old Elizabeth – or, as her friends and family knew her, Lizzy – took her own life. It wasn't until she was gone that those around her, like her sister Hayley, realised just how much she was struggling. On the outside, she was the smiley young woman they'd always known.
"This photo was taken in her last couple of months on this earth and is how we remember her," Hayley says as she shares one of the final images of Lizzy in existence. "It's really hard to think there was such sadness behind her smiles, but you can never know what's inside someone's mind, which is why it's so important to talk."
Sadly, Hayley isn't alone in her grief.
"Sophie was loud, outgoing and would do anything for anyone," Daniella tells Cosmopolitan UK as she looks at a photo of her sister smiling on her 21st birthday – just 11 days before she took her own life. "We think [suicide] only happens to certain people and that those who do take their lives always look depressed. We need to recognise that suicide doesn’t have a particular look and can impact any one of us."
The subtle signs that someone might be considering suicide are easy to miss. It's something both Hayley and Daniella wish they'd know more about before it was too late. That's why they, along with other bereaved loved ones, are taking part in a powerful new campaign organised by suicide prevention charity, Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – and supported by celebrities including Love Island's Amber Gill and Made in Chelsea star Jamie Laing.
Everyone's clicking on...
'The Last Photo' campaign – which aims to challenge our idea of what suicide looks like, and raise awareness of the signs that someone might be suffering – will see an outdoor exhibition at London's Southbank and display the final photos of 50 people, just like Lizzy and Sophie, who took their own life.
"Tragically 125 people currently die by suicide every week in the UK, yet it can be hard – sometimes impossible – to notice that someone may be suicidal," says Wendy Robinson, Head of Services at CALM, as she points out that YouGov research (carried out on behalf of the charity) found that 61% of us would struggle to tell if someone they knew felt suicidal, whilst 51% of people don’t feel confident of how to help someone experiencing suicidal thoughts."
"People tend to think they already know what suicidal looks like – reclusiveness, crying, silence etc – and if they don't see these traits in someone they’re worried about, they hesitate to intervene," Robinson (who is an expert of over 20 years in support services) adds. "In reality, suicidal behaviour takes many forms. People struggling can put on a mask concealing their inner turmoil before taking their own lives. That makes it even more important that we talk about it."
Suicide signs
"We know it’s not always easy to know when someone is feeling sh*t," Robinson says, highlighting that despite this, there are signs to look out for that indicate someone might be feeling suicidal:
- Ups and downs in their mood
- Wanting to hang out less
- Talking about suicide/wanting to die in a vague or joking way
- Changes to their routine, like sleeping and eating
- Seeming flat or low on energy
- Neglecting themselves, showering less or caring less about their personal appearance
- Seeming reckless or making rash decisions
- Increased alcohol or drug abuse
- Being more angry or irritable than usual
- Giving away their possessions
- Saying goodbye to friends and family as if they won’t see them again
And there are signs to look out for online as well, where Robinson notes it can be "harder to notice things."
"Whether it's on socials or in group chats, keep an eye out for [someone] posting stuff that’s overtly sad, graphic, violent, impulsive or emotional (you’ll know when it’s more than just a sarcastic joke)," the expert adds.
But, Robinson emphasises, "sometimes you’ll see none of the above."
"A lot of us have perfected the art of hiding when we feel low. And one sign on its own isn’t necessarily a sign someone is suicidal. It’s complex, like life is. But if you’re even the littlest bit worried, ask them if they’re feeling suicidal. The worst that can happen is it’s a bit awkward," she adds. "If you suspect they’re struggling, trust your gut and reach out to them."
CALM's The Last Photo exhibition is on display outside at London's Southbank from 22 June. Scan the QR code beneath each photo to learn more about each life lost.
CALM’s helpline and live chat are open from 5pm to midnight everyday, 365 days a year.
Alternatively, the Samaritans are there to listen, day or night, whenever anyone needs, providing a safe and confidential space to talk openly and honestly. Whatever you are going through, you don’t have to face it alone. Call Samaritans free on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org or visit www.samaritans.org.
