Everyone has a favourite word for their breasts. From the classics, like 'boobs' and 'tits' to more obscure monikers like 'chebs' and 'norks,' (yep, we've never heard of them, either), others prefer to keep it simple and stick with the correct anatomical term.
However, whatever you call yours — or someone else's breasts — let's just stress that it should never be done in a derogatory way. We should all take pride in our bodies, as they're what help carry us through life.
Seriousness aside, if you are in the market for a bit of a laugh (or are looking for a pet name for yours or your partner's 'perkies'), we've rounded up some of the best, funniest, and quite frankly, random titles for titties. In part, thanks to a list shared by the lingerie experts at Curvy Kate, of course.
Let's start with the easy ones:
1. Breasts
2. Boobs
3. Mammory Glands
4. Boobies
5. Tits
6. Titties
7. Ta-tas
Some food-related names:
8. Fiery biscuits (as per The Mighty Boosh, apparently)
9. Melons
10. Baps
11. Coconuts
12. Bangers
13. Bangers and mash
14. Cream Pies
15. Iced Gems
16. Bacon Hangers (our little minds can't even)
17. Fried Eggs
18. Cantaloupes
19. Percy pigs
20. Chicken nuggets
21. Meatballs
22. Tacos
And then some milky vibes:
23. 'She drank her school milk' (no, we don't understand either?)
24. Milk Monsters
25. Milkers
26. Milky ways
27. Milkshake (brings all the boys to the yard)
Random celebrity names:
28. Brad Pitts
29. Angelina Jolies
30. Danny Devitos
31. Diane Sawyers
32. Lily Allens
33. Millie Bobby Browns
34. Taylor Swifts
35. Kylie Jenners
36. Meryl Streeps
37. Nicki Minajs
Best sports bras
Double acts:
38. The Twins
39. Minnie and Mickey
40. Phil and Lil
41. Mary-Kate and Ashley
42. The Mitchell Brothers
43. Pinky and Perky
44. Ant and Dec (apparently!)
45. Mario and Luigi
46. Name a better duo
47. Bill and Ben
48. Ben and Jerry
49. Thelma and Louise
50. Laurel and Hardy
51. French and Saunders
52. Bert and Ernie
53. SpongeBob and Patrick
54. Bonnie and Clyde
55. Batman and Robin
56. Romeo and Juliet
57. Mac and Cheese
58. Tom and Jerry
59. Lilo and Stitch
All the animals:
60. Puppies
61. Snuggle pups
62. Cat Flaps (sounds more like a vag nickname to us, but you do you honey!)
63. Wattdogs
64. Udders
65. Spaniel's Ears
66. Mosquito Bites
67. Blue tits
68. The hounds (release the hounds)
69. Kittie kats
Cute names:
70. Noogies
71. Babs
72. Lills
73. 'The Girls'
74. The Gals
75. Buds
76. Bips
77. Buds
78. Little buddies
79. Breast friends
80. Bewbs
81. Bonbons
82. Chip and dip
83. Perkies
Best bralettes
Pretty much everything else:
84. Norks
85. Chebs
86. Maracas
87. Slammers
88. Tig Ol Bitties
89. Chebblies
90. Wabs
91. Funbags
92. Chesticles
93. Jugs
94. Waps
95. Tatas
96. Bazoombas
97. Breasticles
98. Bazookas
99. Mammeries
100. Bristol Cities
101. Cha-chas
102. Bosoms
103. Jubblies
104. Charlies
105. Juggernauts
106. Peaks
107. Knockers
108. Rack
109. Shelf
110. Dongles
111. Nunga Nungas
123. Wangers
113. Swingers
114. Air-bags
115. Tatty Bo Jangles
116. Honker Honkers
117. Cans
118. Babylons
119. Bubbalas
120. Nipple Holsters
121. Life Savers
122. Buoyancy aids
123. Orbs
124. Bongos
125. Watties
126. Bouncers
127. Wagons
128. Globes
129. Shoulder Boulders (or just 'boulders' works too)
130. Hooters
131. Muchachas
132. Beach umbrellas
133. Itty Bitty Titties
134. Jiggly and Wiggly
135. Golden Globes
136. Swag bags
137. Tits McGhee
138. Sweater stretchers
And lastly, we present you... grim names:
139. Mud Flaps
140. Man boobs
141. Fleshy Mounds
142. Upper Bollocks
143. TB's (Top Bollocks)
144. Dirty Pillows
145. Naughty Pillows
146. Two old socks
147. Whoopee cushions
148. Pounds of flesh
149. Mushy purples
150. Big bad wolves
So, whether you love them or loathe them, hopefully you've been entertained by the likes of tatty bo jangles and bongos either way. Though mud flaps likely made you wince.
Sophie Williams is a Freelance Journalist and Copywriter, covering everything from Fashion to Entertainment to music, Lifestyle and Features. She has interviewed a range of musical artists and authors including Alyssa Edwards, Courtney Barnett, Confidence Man, The Vaccines, Loyle Carner, Gabrielle, and John Niven, and has written for publications like Metro, Reader's Digest, ITV's Woo! and Vice’s NBGA. She is also working on a book for HarperCollins about Taylor Swift, due to be published in 2024.
Jess Edwards is Cosmopolitan UK’s Deputy Editor, working to deliver the very best experiences across the brand's platforms (print, social, video, digital), products and events, including a focus on our membership offering, Club Cosmo. Jess has worked in the media industry for almost 20 years and at Cosmopolitan for over 10 years, joining the brand as Fashion Editor and later going on to lead the digital team as Site Editor. With her background in lifestyle journalism, it is no surprise that you’re most likely to find her in the Fashion section and exploring the very best in hospitality via our Travel pages.
