Finding the right wedding guest look can feel like an impossible guessing game. Like, as if black tie and cocktail attire restrictions weren’t difficult enough to navigate, we’ve unlocked a whole new level of dress codes that practically require a translator to understand. What exactly are the do's and don'ts of "garden chic" or "beach formal" anyways?
While there are a few hard-and-fast fashion guidelines you should remember for any dress code—like the obvious don't wear white to a wedding and try not to upstage the bride—you might need a little coaching on the rest. And maybe even a refresher on the those common sense guidelines, too. Cough, off white is still white, cough. To make sure you really nail it on the big day (well, not your big day, but you know what I mean), we chatted with Elaine Swann, lifestyle and etiquette expert and founder of The Swann School of Protocol, to give us the 411 on the spoken and unspoken rules of wedding guest attire.
She spilled all the tea on what not to wear to a wedding—and we pulled together tons of alternative wedding guest dresses you should actually wear instead. You'll be ready to handle any vague dress code request like a pro, whether it's for the actual ceremony or rehearsal dinner.
1. Avoid wearing white... or white-ish colors!
We shouldn't have to tell you this but for the sake of brides everywhere, we're really going to drive this point home. Unless you are explicitly told otherwise (like with a black and white dress code) you should avoid white at all costs. And that doesn't just mean classic white, either. You should probably skip off-white, cream, light yellow, and even a really pale blue, too—all of which can photograph very bridal.
Want to wear something close to white (without irritating the newlyweds?) Try a neutral!
Neutral Wedding Guest Dresses That Pass the Test
Norma Kamali Maria Gown in Brown
2. Stay away from the bridal party's colors (if at all possible)!
White isn't the only color you should avoid when attending a wedding. You don't want to look matchy-matchy with the bridesmaids either, Swann says. Pro tip: If you don't want to outright ask for the bridal party's color scheme, you can also look to your invite for clues. "You can tell what the color scheme for the wedding is from the invitation or the wedding website, which gives an idea of what direction the couple might be going," she explains.
Still worried? You can't go wrong with a multi-colored or patterned dress.
Wedding Guest Dresses That Don't Say "I'm in the Bridal Party"
The Occasion by Old Navy Satin V-Neck Maxi Dress
BHLDN Everly Satin Lace Maxi Dress
Abercrombie The A&F Giselle Strapless Scarf Babydoll Maxi Dress
3. Consider the season!
Aligning your look to the temperature is key—and not just so you don't look out of place in wedding photos. The more comfortable you are, the more fun you'll have. It's simple math. Thicker fabrics like velvet are perfect for fall and winter nuptials, while lighter fabrics like cotton and satin are ideal for a spring or summer ceremony.
Seasonal Wedding Guest Dresses
4. Lean towards dressing up, even for "casual" weddings.
When in doubt, dress up. Even if you're attending a more laid-back wedding, it's never that casual—and there is nothing worse than showing up underdressed compared to the rest of the guests. Sweats, shorts, jeans, T-shirts? They're never okay. Don't be that person.
"If you have to choose between being underdressed or overdressed, it's always better to be overdressed," Swann says. If you're struggling to understand the dress code, it's never a bad idea to just ask, she adds: "I encourage people to embrace that awkward moment and ask for an example from someone in the wedding party, whether it's the bride, the groom, or the bridal party."
Low-Key Wedding Guest Dresses
NIA Clara Dress
Yumi Kim Sienna Dress
5. Zhuzh up your pants.
Not a dress person? That's totally okay! You just want to make sure the pants you choose are still dressy enough to fit the occasion. A tailored pair of trousers and a blouse are never a bad starting point, and a matching blazer will only elevate the look even further. Case in point:
Dressy Pantsuits and Jumpsuits
White House Black Market One-Shoulder Metallic Chiffon Jumpsuit
Express Crepe Strapless Wide Leg Jumpsuit with Pockets
Lulus Power of Love Magenta Strapless Jumpsuit
6. Cover your shoulders, if applicable!
You always want to consider the setting. If your bestie or family member is tying the knot in a church or more reserved institution, modest dress attire might be encouraged—or even required to attend. Swann says, above all, it's important to remember that weddings are a sacred occasion. When in doubt, pack a shawl or sweater to cover your shoulders.
Wedding Guest Coverups
EGOCKAL Cape Blazer
Pukguro Sheer Shawl for Evening Dresses
7. Keep an eye on your neckline.
In that same vein, you might not want to go with your most cleavage-baring dress. That's not to say you have to wear a turtleneck gown or can't show off your girls at all, just keep in mind the setting. "You certainly don't have to wear something that is old fashioned—you can stay on trend," Swann says. "But, remember that part of the wedding itself may be a very religious occasion as well, so there is some modesty that could be expected."
If a deep V is your thing, Swann recommends covering up elsewhere—maybe opt for thicker shoulder straps or a floor-length skirt. It's a give and take.
Appropriate Wedding Guest Dresses With Plunging Necklines
Bec + Bridge Cedar City Maxi Dress
Lulu's Exceptional Drama Navy Blue Satin Lace-Up Pleated Maxi Dress
Meshki Keely Cotton Sleeveless Midi Dress
8. Go for subtle statements.
Let's be real, you're probably not going to upstage the bride no matter what you wear. And that's not a knock on you or your style skills! They're the star of the show and everyone knows it. That being said, be smart about how you make a statement. Don't show up in a full-blown wedding dress yourself, or anything else that distracts from the real reason you're all there. Respectfully, it's not about you!"There's a difference between wearing a cocktail dress that's really cute for the club and wearing a cocktail dress that's meant for a wedding," Swann adds.
Wedding Guest Dresses With the Right Amount of Drama
Meshki Coco Dropped Waist Maxi Dress
Runaway the Label Chara Maxi Dress
Amanda Uprichard x REVOLVE Evianna Mesh Gown
Meshki Jasmine Strapless Satin Maxi Dress
9. Go for a bit of sparkle!
Unless you're attending a black tie wedding (or if the bride really hates a sequin), there's absolutely nothing wrong with embracing your glam side... tastefully. Skip the crystal-adorned gown and try subtle shimmery fabrics instead with a more simple silhouette.
Wedding Guest Dresses That Bring the Shimmer
Reformation x Nara Smith Drizzle Dress
10. Keep the venue in mind.
Read the room (or, um, invitation): If it's a backyard/barn/beachside wedding, guests probably aren't showing up in full-blown ballgowns. And you shouldn't either! Remember the eighth rule? You want to consider the venue, and what will be both appropriate and practical for that occasion. It's typically pretty self-explanatory by this fact alone.
"If it's a destination wedding, then you know that you'd be wearing resort-style attire," Swann says. "If it's going to take place at a high-end hotel, then that'll give you an idea of the theme." That's when you can embrace the ballgown!
When the ceremony is taking place is also a great indicator of what to wear. "Earlier in the day, you're going to find that the attire is going to be less formal, which means more bright colors and flowy fabrics," she adds. "Later in the evening is when you'll get to that formal attire where you have black and gold hues, beads, and sparkles."
Wedding Guest Dresses by Location
11. Save the rips (even intentional ones!) for another occasion.
This is a wedding, after all. It's probably (read: definitely not) the place for a distressed moment, so skip the frayed edges or shredded details. There are more elevated ways to show a little skin—try a chic cutout or subtle thigh slit instead. A low back is always elegant, too.
Eye-Catching Wedding Guest Dresses
Lulus Perfectly Classy Plum Purple Satin Strappy Maxi Dress
Meshki Galia Cowl Neck Maxi Dress - Lagoon
12. Be strategic about your choice of shoes.
Even if your new five-inch stilettos are fabulous, a wedding probably isn't the place to show them off—no matter how good they'd look with your dress. Do you really want to be saddled to your table (out of sheer foot pain) when everyone else is breaking it down on the dance floor? Comfort is key!
Now, with that said, unless you're attending a chill, toes-in-the-sand beach wedding, you also don't want to show up flip-flops to the ceremony. You can't go wrong with a good block heel, especially if you plan to electric slide or catch the bouquet. And Swann recommends bringing comfy flats you can slip on and off for those in-between moments, too.
Once again, you'll also want to consider venue. A skinny heel in grass? Not the vibe. Swann suggests wearing wedges or something with a block or flared heel to avoid sinking in the ground when you walk. "Get that information in advance, and don't feel as though you're bothering the couple or bothering the party by asking these sorts of questions—they want you to be comfortable," she says.
Comfortable Wedding Guest Shoes
Steve Madden Beki Sandal
I'm Cosmopolitan's Associate Fashion Editor and write about any and all trends, major celeb fashion moments, and why wide-leg jeans are basically the best. I originally moved to New York City to audition for RENT, only to find out that the play closed 10 years ago.
Kim Duong is the Deputy Shopping Director at Cosmopolitan, overseeing shopping coverage online for all things fashion, lifestyle, beauty, and sex. When she's not musing about which products are actually worth your hard-earned cash, she's also writing (sometimes slightly unhinged) fashion content in print. You can find her previous writing in Refinery29, InStyle, Travel + Leisure, and StyleCaster. Follow her on Instagram for bottomless cute dog content and did-that-really-happen-to-me story times in her highlights.
Megan Schaltegger is an NYC-based writer. She loves strong coffee, eating her way through the Manhattan food scene, and her dog, Murray. She promises not to talk about herself in third person IRL.
