OOn Sundays, my partner and I have a ritual of languishing and luxuriating. Sun spills into my quintessentially cramped bedroom (it’s New York, after all), and I tuck myself into the cushion of my boyfriend’s chest. Sex for us is euphoric and passionate, like a Santino Le Saint electric guitar solo (just listen, you’ll get it). All the while, I sense my hair self-destructing into a tangled clump behind me. For context, mine is very thick and very curly, so it’s not quite that easy-to-brush, Hollywood-esque bedhead hairstyle everyone seems to dream about. Mine requires a real process to bring back to life after a day of rolling around in the sheets. So far, though, it’s been worth the trade: great sex for a sometimes messed-up mane.
But I’ve sensed things escalating. Areas of my head that I know have experienced heavy friction—whether from our laziest sex positions to higher-effort ones that look fresh out of Kama Sutra—feel drier than ever and riddled with fairy knots. Since being with my partner, my curls have changed. They say correlation does not equal causation, but in this case, it just might.
It’s not all in my head, either. Turns out, post-sex hair damage can be a very real thing, according to experts.
Can sex damage hair?
At the end of the day, yes, and it’s mostly due to friction. This is especially the case when using cotton bedding, which celebrity hairstylist Brenton Diallo says is “evil to the hair” since cotton is naturally rougher on the hair cuticle and absorbs moisture from it. My pillowcases may be silk, but my sheets are not. It doesn’t help that during the act, I’m not usually focused on keeping a pillow under my head the entire time.
“Fine, dry, or chemically processed hair tends to be more vulnerable to friction-related damage,” celebrity hairstylist Dimitris Giannetos tells me. “Hair that lacks moisture or elasticity will show this more easily, with brittle ends and knotting.” This hits especially hard for those with curly and coily strands, like mine, because the hair, by the nature of its helical structure, is more prone to damage and tangling, which Giannetos explains “increases the risk of breakage when detangling afterward.”
Post-sex hair damage isn’t necessarily a thing for everyone, though. It can have an effect, but is less likely to affect those with straighter hair because the hair shaft is less delicate, thanks to its geometry. It makes total sense why some (read: people with fine, thin, and/or straight hair types) love the “bedhead” look so much.
“I’ve had women come in and say, ‘give me the ‘fuck me’ hair,’” Diallo reveals (in addition to his work with celebrities like Gigi Hadid and Simone Biles, he also serves clients at NYC’s Benjamin Salon). But, he clarifies, the women asking have straight hair, which is what the typical “bedhead” look is based on. To those who pull it off, kudos. I just can’t rock it with my curls.
Are there ways to prevent it?
Obviously, I’m not going to stop having fun because of all this. One answer could be throwing on a bonnet, and I’m not against it, but I really do love the sexy feeling that comes with letting my hair down.
For anyone in my situation, switching to satin or silk pillowcases is a start. Giannetos—who has worked with A-listers like Demi Moore and the Kardashians — recommends focusing on hydration and repair for anyone dealing with breakage or distress from sex (or any other lifestyle factor). “Incorporate a moisturizing conditioner, weekly deep conditioning mask, and a leave-in treatment to improve elasticity,” he says. And if you use hot tools, you must use a heat protectant to reduce damage. Two nice-to-haves? A finishing spray to help lock in your style without a crunchy feel and a wide-tooth comb to quickly and gently detangle.
Diallo recommends going the extra mile for post-sex hair, especially curly and coily patterns that might need more TLC. Don’t forget to use your oils, he says. Switching up your routine with a protective style can help, too. (If you like to get your hair pulled, for example, he warns that tugging protective styles like braids can cause damage.)
Final thoughts:
With great sex comes great responsibility, and I’m adjusting my Sunday routine accordingly. Afterward, I go into a full wash day routine, lining up my plethora of hair products on the shower’s ledge before hunkering down for sometimes close to an hour. I’ve fallen off with my deep conditioning routine plenty of times before, but now, I’ve got to be better… and maybe get on top more. After all, Diallo says, you’ve got to make love to your hair too.
Meet the experts:
- Brenton Diallo is a hairstylist at Salon Benjamin in New York, NY and also works with celeb clients such as Simone Biles, Misty Copeland, and Kelsea Ballerini.
- Dimitris Giannetos is a celebrity hairstylist and works with some of the biggest names in the world, from Cindy Crawford to Kim Kardashian to Tate McRae.
Why trust Cosmopolitan?
Andrea Bossi is a contributing writer at Cosmopolitan and has been writing about beauty for more than six years.
Andrea Bossi is a New York City-based fashion and beauty writer, who enjoys covering trends, reporting features, interviewing, testing new products, penning essays, and writing business-lens stories. The Harvard alum previously served as the digital editor at L’Officiel USA, where she launched the title’s beauty section in print, and, before that, was a staff writer at Fashionista. In addition to Cosmopolitan, her bylines include Vogue Business, Marie Claire, Refinery29, Byrdie, and more, in addition to some poetry. Follow her on Instagram and TIkTok for insider fashion moments and travel inspo.
