20 First-Time Sex Positions to Try for Your Sexual Debut
Trust: These are beginner-friendly and prioritize your maximum comfort and pleasure!
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Having sex for the first time comes with a lot of big feelings. It’s new, you’re naked, and—like anyone who’s ever had sex for the first time—you might not be entirely sure what to do. Add nerves and horniness to the equation and the whole thing can feel a little overwhelming. The good news is that sex is fun, and once you figure out what works for you, it has a ton of benefits. Think: lower stress levels, better sleep, and ofc, a more intimate relationship with your partner. Luckily, we put together this handy list of first-time sex positions to make your experience comfier and safer.
But first, break up with any outdated ideas you might have about what exactly constitutes “good sex.” Sex, the first time or any time, should be for your pleasure just as much as your partner's, says Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for Fleshy and author of Eve's Blessing: Uncovering the Lost Pleasure Behind Female Pain. Ensure that by getting familiar with your own body and learning what sort of touch does it for you. (Consider this your formal invitation to masturbate however and whenever you want.)
Good sex also doesn’t need to center penetration, says certified sexuality educator Elle Chase. It can be whatever you want it to be, whether that’s clitoral stimulation only, mutual masturbation, oral sex, or whatever else feels good for you and your partner. It also doesn’t have to end in orgasm. You can feel good and enjoy the intimacy without climaxing. And while we fully encourage you experiment so that you can experience the magic of a good orgasm, also consider this permission to take the pressure off. (Fun fact: Relaxing can also help you finish.)
If penetration is something you and your partner want to explore, Weiss recommends exploring on your own first using your fingers, and then an insertable vibrator. Once you’ve learned what feels good, invite your partner to finger you or use a toy on you. (This can help you get comfortable with the sensation.) Have your partner go down on you or rub your clitoris and/or vulva before they insert their penis or strap-on, making sure your body is lubricated and relaxed along the way. (You can also use store-bought lube to enhance your wetness!)
And remember: “First time sex can be a bit awkward,” says Heather Bartos, MD. Your bodies might make loud slapping noises together. Your partner may slip out or press their peen/strap-on/fingers diligently in non-quite-the-right spot. Someone might fart. Just know that it’s all normal. Acknowledge it and move on.
Before you strip down, pls, practice safe sex. Avoid active cold sores and protect yourself from STIs and unwanted pregnancy with condoms. If penetration is involved, you might feel some pain or maybe see a little blood. This is usually nothing to worry about and is less likely if you’ve been diligently doing your masturbation duties.
Ready to make your sexual debut? Here are some positions to get you started.
Kneeling Missionary
If you’re opting for missionary for your first time, have the giver kneel instead of lying on top of you. “This leaves room for your hands or your partner's hands to touch your clitoris, or for you to use a toy on your clitoris,” says Weiss. Dual-stimulation (aka: internal and external stimulation at the same time) can feel amazing—and can increase your chances of climax.
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The Lap Dance
Sit your partner on a chair or couch and climb onto their lap. “This allows you to control the depth, motion, and speed of penetration while also allowing for eye contact, kissing, intimacy, and a feeling of being physically supported,” says Weiss. If you’re both into toys, try a wearable couple’s vibrator to enhance the sensations.
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The Greasy Spoon
Spooning is great for intimacy, but not so much for clitoral stimulation. So try a version where the little spoon (the receiving partner) is bending a leg up, so the big spoon (the penetrating partner) can reach around and stimulate them manually. “This can feel intimate and relaxing, as you can enjoy the sensation without needing to be active yourself,” says Weiss. Lube, as always, makes everything better.
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The Starter Doggy
If you’re not ready for full-on penetration, try beginner doggy. Assume the doggy style position (aka, on all fours) but instead of penetration, your partner slides their penis or strap-on under you and across your clit. Lube up your hand, cup it around your partner’s penis/strap-on and press it against your vulva. If you decide to go into penetration, go to town, but this feels good on its own.
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The W
If you're opting against penetration, you have so many other options. In this case, try mutual masturbation. Face your partner with your legs draped over each other’s, scooting close enough to reach them so you’re forming sort of a W. “You can masturbate, finger, or generally help get off your other partner,” she Bartos. “This can transition nicely into the lotus sex position, or you can keep the masturbation train going.”
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The X-Rated
Feeling flexible? To pull off the X-Rated, the penetrating partner lies on their side and the receiver lies on their back at a 90-degree angle, scooting close and draping their legs over their partner's hips. “This allows for manual stimulation of the clitoris and avoids eye contact if you're uncomfortable with it (although you could just turn your head and get a wink in if you wanted),” says Bartos.
If penetration is happening, this position also slows things down and provides a bit of a buffer from overeager pounding. “Remember that first-time sex can be over quickly if there’s been enough hot Bridgerton-style build up.”
The Dragon
If your partner has a large penis, try a face-down position. Instead of a fast in-and-out thrusting, slow circular movements can make this so, so good. “This can make deep penetration more comfortable by limiting contact with the cervix, which tends to be sensitive. Try elevating your hips and arching your back a bit to improve the angle of entry,” says ob-gyn Renée Hilliard, MD, a sex and relationships coach.
Classic Missionary
“Missionary position is often thought of as boring, but it doesn’t have to be,” says Hilliard. “It allows for eye contact, but if that feels like too much, missionary can allow you to kiss but feel less exposed since your body is mostly covered by your partner. Also, if you feel shy about how to move, missionary can make things simple.”
Leaning Cowgirl
You get all the benefits of the cowgirl position (controlling the speed, angle, and depth) with a little bonus. “Leaning forward allows more pressure on the clitoris and can make it easier to reach peak pleasure,” says Hilliard. “Don’t freak out if you become disconnected, that happens. Just reinsert and resume.”
The Teacher's Pet
When you're first with someone, you can do them (and yourself) a solid by showing them the ways you like to touch yourself. Sit on your partner's lap, hold onto their hand, and guide them in the way you'd masturbate. They can do the same for you. No one magically knows what another person likes—spare yourselves the guess work and just show each other!
How Do You Like Me Now?
Take your time to really explore each other's bodies. One of you lies back while the other uses their mouth, hands, and maybe a toy or two to see what works. (Some stuff will not work, and that's totally normal. Just stop doing it and all is well.) Do they like their inner thigh licked? A light touch, or more firm? You don't have to have a full-on conversation about everything, a “mmmm” or moving a hand gently away if it's too intense absolutely works.
The Brave Little Toaster
If having an orgasm in front of someone else is stressing you out, you might feel braver if there's no eye contact. Have your partner kneel, sitting back on their legs, while you sit/kneel on their lap with your legs outside theirs. They can rub you with a lubed hand or, try a toy that's so sexy and overwhelming that you forget to be nervous. If you do wanna face each other (more opportunity for intimacy, touching, and kissing ofc), this move also works face-to-face.
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The Lengthened Lotus
If it’s also your partner’s first time, and your partner has a penis, they might be really, really excited—as in, maybe more than they want to be. Sit on your partner’s lap facing them, and rock against them to keep them going a little longer. And if they do finish quicker than they wanted, be chill about it (it's a compliment—you're that hot), and use it as an excuse to go for round two, three, or 10. (Take little breaks in-between—penis-havers have longer refractory periods than vulva-owners.)
The Erotic Explorer
If it’s your first time being really sexual with someone, it’s totally fine to start with masturbating at the same time. If you want to take it a step further, reach over to stroke each other. When in doubt, just copy how they touched themselves, and if you’re totally lost, it’s always okay to just ask.
The Slow Cooker
Take your time instead of jumping into the banging. Start with lots of foreplay to make sure you’re super ready and aroused, then have your partner kneel to enter while you drape your legs over their thighs, so you have the all-clear to stroke yourself. To make it last longer, try a thicker condom (look for “extended pleasure” or “extra strength").
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The Spoonful
Simple: Your partner gets in outer spoon position, puts one leg over your body, and enters you from behind. In a healthy, happy relationship, being the little spoon can make you feel like you’re safe and all is right with the world. Take advantage of all that cuddliness to make your first time feel all kinds of warm and lovey. You’re free to enjoy all the benefits and good feelings that come with those delicious post-sex brain chemicals. Plus, if you’d like, you have a free hand to rub yourself at the same time.
The Sideways Swoon
First-time sex is all about connecting with someone in an incredibly intimate way. If you want to lean into that, try a side-by-side position. You can gaze into each other’s eyes, stroke each other's hair, plus the angle isn’t known for deep penetration, lowering your chances of receiving a mechanical jackhammer pounding.
The Lap Waltz
If you're the receiving partner, being on top during your first time might be a little intimidating, but it has its pros. Namely, you get full control over how deep you want to go. Have your partner sit on a couch, then kneel over them. One of you can hold onto their penis or strap-on to guide it in as you lower yourself onto them. It’s okay to go as slowly as you want—it just makes it hotter. Once aboard, put your hands on their shoulders, and use your legs to push yourself up and down so that you’re riding their penis or strap-on. Once you get the hang of it, you can gyrate, grind against them, or stop for a moment for a long kiss. If you're craving rumblier sensations, a penis or strap-on ring works wonders here.
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Mission(ary) Impossible
It’s a classic for a reason. For more control, instead of going straight into legs-wide-open missionary, assume the usual position, but curl up your legs in front of you (kind of like the "happy baby" yoga position). Your respective body parts will still get where they need to get, but if you need to slow your partner down, you can guide them as you please with your legs.
The Frisky Doggy
Doggy is a great bet for first-time sex because all you have to do is get on all fours! Press your legs together if you want or need shallow penetration and open wider for deeper penetration. Rock your hips a little, or don’t—it’s all up to you! Use a hand to press a bullet vibrator to your clitoris if you're craving more sensations there.
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