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Standing 69 is exactly what it sounds like: 69 (simultaneous oral sex) while standing.
So why do this? Cause you can. (Maybe….) “If you and your partner want to spice it up and try a fun challenge, standing up can take it a step further,” says certified clinical sexologist Megwyn White, director of education at Satisfyer.
Just keep these 8 bazillion caveats in mind:
- You both have to be really strong. “Make sure the one doing the holding is physically fit and able to hold the one who is flipped upside down,” says sexual empowerment and intimacy coach Sarah Divine.
- It won’t last long. “This position is hard and the inverted partner may get dizzy/lightheaded, so don’t plan on trying it for more than a few minutes—particularly your first time,” says sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of feminist sex shop Early to Bed.
- It’s not super orgasmic. “A woman’s ability to orgasm usually comes from feeling very comfortable and feeling very safe *while* getting stimulation in the right places, so while this is exciting and arousing, it’s not going to actually result in orgasms for everybody,” says sex expert Piri Miller, founder of couples sex-toy company Come Play.
And if you can’t do it, just do other sex stuff, says Gigi Engle, Skyn’s sex and intimacy expert. “Keep in mind it’s kind of a novelty thing,” she says. “It’s hard to maintain an erection and stay aroused or get orgasmic when you’re holding the entire weight of another person or when you’re upside down with all the blood rushing to your head, thinking you might fall and possibly crack your head on the ground. We have so much pressure to try all of these new, wild positions, but that doesn’t define whether you’re good enough at sex or the best lover ever. Being good in bed is about communication, curiosity, and learning what your partner (and you) enjoys sexually.”
P.S. Want more genius sex tips? We know you do, and we’ve got you covered. Join the club.
The Classic Standing 69
“For the adventurous who want to try something new, I think there’s really only one safe standing 69 position,” says Miller. In it, the standing partner (A, let’s call them) braces the upside-down partner’s (how ’bout…B) hips directly in front of A’s face with both arms around the small of B’s waist. B relaxes their knees on A’s shoulders for balance. B is inverted with their arms firmly around A’s legs. “The only problem is, this position looks extremely similar to the popular wrestling pile-driver move (for anyone familiar with the WWE, you know how that move ends),” says Miller.
Sitting 69
Want standing 69 but without the actual standing? “Try a modified version where one partner is sitting down on a chair or couch and the inverted person is using both the standing person’s shoulders AND the back headrest of the couch/chair to support their weight,” says Deysach. “This will give you both more stability and more peace of mind that you’re not hurting one another. When that happens, you can both relax more and enjoy the sensations without worry.”
The Wallflower
“If you are keen to attempt this upside-down pleasure position, a great way is to use a wall or door for back support and to help ease the weight of the person holding you,” Nikki Goldstein, MD, a sexologist and relationship expert. Your partner can lean against the wall for balance or they can lean you against the wall to help hold you aloft. Either way, you’re in a temporary throuple with that wall.
Squatting 69
“Rather than being held by your partner upside down, have them sit on any flat surface and squat over them. This 69 variation requires some glute, quad, and lower back flexibility and strength,” says Dainis Graveris, a certified sex educator and relationship expert at SexualAlpha. “And if some good ol’ ass slapping is your kink, then you might have found the best position for this.”
Handstand for the Win
If you are really feeling yourself, try a variation with one person standing and the other doing a handstand.
“The upside-down person can kick up to a wall while the other can grab their legs and kneel to reach the appropriate height for mouth-to-genital contact,” says Lori Lawrenz, a clinical psychologist specializing in sexual health at the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health. “Focus on long, soft strokes with the tongue. Save creative playful oral techniques for positions that do not require such strength and agility.”
The Bartender
“If you don’t think you can handle the weight, use a pull-up bar that slots into a doorway,” says sex educator and writer Emma Hewitt, host and producer of sex-positive podcast The Electric Rodeo and in-house sex-toy expert and educator at AdultToyMegastore. “This will allow you to hang upside down in a doorway without one person needing to take all the weight.”
Shop Now OneTwoFit Pull-Up Bar, $40, amazon.com
Swinging 69
“For the same blood-rushing thrill that the upright 69 position offers, get a sex swing and do a suspended 69,” says Graveris. “A sex swing acts as suspension, offers excellent weight relief for the partner on the top, and solves the problem of getting ‘crushed’ or enduring uncomfortable amounts of pressure.”
To do it: “Place your butt on the swing seat, making sure to adjust the swing to the right height,” says Graveris. “Once seated, stretch out your legs in front and push your upper body back as far as you can go, using the harness for support. Your partner stands over you with their crotch above your head. They lean forward toward your crotch likewise.” Once situated, go to town with your fingers, toys, or your mouth.
Shop Now Sportsheets Sex Swing Door Jam Kit, $70, lovehoney.com
Crash Pad
It you aren’t sure you have the abs and arms of steel to sustain this position for even a second, give yourself a safe landing place. “Do it over a bed or a mattress on the floor. You may be dropped, so at least you will land on something soft. At the very least, surround yourself with pillows,” says Hewitt. When/if you decide you’d be happier lying down, hey, there’s a stack of soft comfy pillows right there.
Do Unto Others
“It might be kind of hard to perform oral sex simultaneously, so it’s a good idea to do it in turns,” says Katie Lasson, sexologist for Peaches and Screams. Avoiding the multitasking that can be the downfall of 69 makes it easier for you each to focus on just giving or receiving. (And a sex toy will make it even hotter.)
Sideways 69
Or…you can just say “fuck it” and lie on your sides facing each other. “This variation is great for couples of significant height differences who cannot reach each other’s genital areas. It’s so much easier to use not only your mouth to satisfy each other but also your hands or some reinforcements (e.g., sex toys) for more intense Os,” says Graveris.
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