Wondering How to Masturbate Without a Vibrator? Let's Break It Down.
Ahem, certain household appliances may prove *very* useful.
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We get it—using your hand to masturbate can feel like a Renaissance-era route to orgasm and isn’t nearly as efficient as using a sex toy. But…maybe you can’t find your toy charger. Maybe you’re staying at a relative’s house and the telltale buzz of your wand vibe isn’t doing you any favors in terms of discretion. Or maybe you just want to get more in touch (literally) with your body. Whatever your situation may be, we’re not giving our hands nearly as much credit as they deserve.
No shade to sex toys—they’re amazing—but knowing how to go toy-free when it comes to masturbation is a crucial skill. “Sex toys are like taking a high-speed train to the office. It’s fast and it delivers,” says Tara Struyk, cofounder and editor-in-chief at Kinkly.com. “But there’s still value in walking there, even if you don’t have the time or energy to do it every day. And just like walking, it also means you might notice things along the way that you’d miss entirely on the high-speed train.”
Masturbating without a toy can result in a better understanding of personal sexual needs and desires, and according to Joy Berkheimer PhD, Chief Sexologist at SXWA, it can cultivate a healthier relationship with one’s body when approached with a positive mindset. Plus, with your hands, you can adjust your experience quickly and easily. Want it slower, harder, more stop-and-go? You have total control—no desperately fumbling with buttons to get to the right setting just when you’re about to orgasm.
If you’ve been using sex toys for as long as you’ve known how to masturbate, doing it without one can feel different at first. “Using your hands is typically slower. That can be frustrating, but it can also be sexy,” says Struyk. Instead of automatically submitting to whatever your toy does—clit suction, thrusting, double penetration—you can take the time to touch and connect with your body and discover some new things you might like.
“Practice using different techniques and vary it regularly to learn new ways to enjoy pleasure,” says women’s sexual health educator and intimacy coach Jordan D’Nelle Jones, PA-C. “Try a fast or slow speed, firm pressure or light pressure, and vary between all of those. Some may prefer a tapping motion on their clitoris, circles, or up-and-down movement.” Lastly, Jones recommends exploring your vaginal entrance, vagina, and your inner hot spots.
Start with some basic clit rubbing techniques, then have your way with some (or all!) of these 14 ways to maximize your self-love.
No Hands!
A dab of arousal gel or CBD-based lube can supercharge a sesh. Rub it over your entire vulva and generously around the vaginal opening. Then go hands-off for as long as you can take it and revel in the tingly sensations.
“You can grind on your mattress lying face down, or on furniture. Uncross and cross your legs, or add in Kegel practice to create stimulation,” says Berkheimer. "You can squeeze faster, hold longer, and feel the ripple effect of changing up your rhythm and outcome. This practice will have you squeezing and bumping together all the yummy, now super-sensitive parts of your vulva/vagina together.”
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The Mini Hand Job
You can give yourself a mini handie by lubing up your thumb and forefingers and grasping the skin around your clit (your clitoral hood—think of it like a foreskin). Adjust the pressure and slide your hands up and down. If you want to zhuzh it up, slide a lubed finger into your vagina and rub and press against the upper wall.
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Add a beaded necklace to your masturbation materials, suggests Berkheimer. “Using your fingers, you can sweep the pearls or beads where you wish to tease yourself externally,” she says. “You can also place them inside your underwear and massage outside so they can stimulate as you move them around.” Into it? Treat yourself to a pair of beaded undies.
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The Secret Lover
If your vibrator died, but you still want to have sex with something other than your hand, it's perfectly fine to get it on with a household object. Common choices include leaning or sitting on a washing machine during the rinse cycle, or using an electric toothbrush handle or hairbrush handle, says Betsy Greenleaf, the first Board Certified Female Urogynecologist in the United States. Just choose your "partner" wisely.
“Make sure the object you use is clean and retrievable,” says Greenleaf. “I have been witness to many occasions in the emergency room where items have gotten stuck in body orifices.” Yikes.
The Mindful Wank
“Using plenty of genital-safe massage oil, start at your feet and massage your entire body except your genitals. Spend a full 30 minutes exploring, caressing, and appreciating every part of your body. Bring your whole awareness to the sensation of your own touch. After 20 minutes, tease your genitals, touching them lightly and backing away. Let your body feel hungry for more. When you can’t stand it anymore, allow yourself to spill over into orgasm,” says Zoe Kors, a sex and intimacy expert at sexual wellness app Coral. The app has a guided audio exercise that will lead you through this exact scenario.
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The Wiggle Room
“This is the solo version of rubbing up on a partner's thigh, and is great for the arousal factor of getting your body moving in a thrusting motion,” says Good Vibes staff sexologist Carol Queen, PhD. Perch on the arm of a stable upholstered chair or couch. “Aim the clitoris where it gets optimal stimulation—a little wriggling around will help you figure that out—and start rubbing! You don't even have to be naked. If the sofa/chair are not your own, maybe keep some pants on.”
The Faux F*ck
Miss the feeling of penetration? Squat over a pillow (how you doin’, pillow?) with one finger inside your vagina and the other hand rubbing your clit. You can thrust against your finger, tap gently on the upper wall of your V, or press hard in the same spot. Take your time. You’ve got plenty.
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The V Stroke
If clit stim is your thing, lube up your index and middle fingers, placing one on each side of your clit. Slide your fingers up and down on either side of your clit. That’s it. If you want to spice it up, press a finger just above the entrance to your vagina and tap or rub gently.
Mirror Selfie
It can be surprisingly hot to watch yourself in the throes of it all. Pull a chair up to a mirror (lock the door first) and watch yourself as you stroke your body. Tease yourself a little. Pinch your nipples and see what happens. Drizzle some lube on your belly and watch it trickle between your legs. Damn, you look good.
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Sticky Fingers
Try something super simple by gently tapping your clit. Don’t use too much lube—a little bit of tackiness is your friend here. It may not do it for you right away, but keep at it, teasing yourself with starts and stops. Then put a dollop of lube on your clit and slowly swirl a finger around it. Don’t shift to more vigorous strokes, even if you really, really want to—your orgasm may unfold in a surprisingly powerful series of waves.
The Bath Bomb
If you haven't had sex with water, get to it at once. And if you’re not blessed with a detachable shower head, you can get down with the regular old faucet. Slide your ass waaay down so your V is angled conveniently under the stream. (Just test the water temp first!) Adjust the pressure to your liking.
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The Threesome for One
If you’re down for a little multitasking, this one’s for you! Use one hand to do whatever makes your clit happy, use the other to curl your index finger up against the upper wall of your vagina. If you’re down to try it, insert your fully lubed pinkie up your bum.
The Convertible
Straddle a pillow, fill your hand with a long-lasting silicone lube, and run your fingers up and down your vulva, rubbing it in circles. Lower yourself and hump your slippery hand. Do you like the humping? The rubbing? Mix and match? This is valuable intel that can not only get you off, but can also make sex with another person that much better, too. Knowledge is power!
The Burlesque Bang
Okay, so this one is kind of cheating on the "no toys" element, but stick with me here. Most people with vulvas can't orgasm by penetration alone, but penetration can make an orgasm feel deeper and last longer. One to consider: The Mustang dildo has a suction cup so you can turn any smooth surface into your personal sex space. Stick it to the seat of a chair, plop on down Cabaret-style, and ride it while stroking your clit. Ride until you can’t no more.
SHOP NOW Vixen Mustang VixSkin Dildo, $140, Lovehoney
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