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If you’ve ever fantasized about bondage—the “B” in BDSM—congratulations, you’re as kinky as…kinda everyone. It’s one of the most common fantasies: 93 percent of men and 96 percent of women report BDSM fantasies, according to Justin Lehmiller, PhD of The Kinsey Institute.
Bondage is sexy for a lot of reasons. It drops both partners straight into the moment and lets you play with trust, uncertainty, control, and surrender in a deliberate, heightened way.
But is bondage safe? Yes—if you do it responsibly. The first rule: choose someone you truly trust. “Both you and your partner need to feel enthusiastic and safe enough with each other to go there,” says Angie Rowntree, founder of Sssh.com, a site for sex-positive, ethical porn.
Whether you’re just spicing things up or ready to go full dungeon-master, here are 18 ways to tie or be tied. (Note: For clarity, we’ll call the person tied the bottom—short for “rope bottom”—and the person tying the top—or “rope top.”)
But first, some important safety info
How to Have Safe Bondage Sex
Even though it might not be as complicated as some people might think, bondage does require a ton of safety—safe equipment, safe words, safe communication, the works. Below, some helpful expert advice on what you need to know before busting out the rope.
Get educated before you start.
“Bondage done wrong can cost you or your partner life and/or limb—so don’t randomly pick up things and tie knots,” says Rowntree, who says that if you want to get your feet wet even in just a basic way, you should start by learning. She recommends taking a course, checking out the beginner bondage adult sex ed on Sssh.com, or “Midori’s Consent Dojo” series on YouTube.
Have an escape plan if things go awry.
“Have a pair of scissors nearby should a knot get stuck or either partner wants to unwrap quickly,” says sexologist Midori, educator and author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. If you’re using handcuffs, make sure they have a quick-release lever or that you have the keys nearby. And don’t tie knots too tightly—you should be to be able to slide two fingers between the skin and the rope. “Movement and pressure can cause the knots to tighten, so this additional squirming space is essential,” says Payne.
Communicate throughout.
Have conversations beforehand on what would be exciting and fun, and agree on the parameters, says Rowntree. “Have a safe word, safe gesture, or a mechanism to alert your partner that you need to pause or stop the scene. The person being restrained should never feel scared or unsafe. When playtime is over, and you shift into aftercare, take some time to check in with each other about what just happened.”
Sound good? Kinda scary? Both? There are no wrong answers. Below, some bondage positions to keep you tied up for a while. If some of them seem too advanced for now, don’t be scared to modify or make up some of your own! “What’s your favorite sex position? Start with that and use the ropes to tie the partner into that shape!” says Midori. “It’s totally fine to keep it simple—after all, fun and steamy are the objectives."
Breast in Show
How To Do It: The bottom puts on a breast harness or the top puts one on them. The top lies down and the bottom straddles them to ride.
Pros: Breast bondage is great for people into boobs, whether touching them, looking at them or showing them off.
Cons: No chest harness? Rig something up with rope, bondage take or even a t-shirt under the breasts.
Switch It Up: For a beginner-friendly version, just opt for boob-focused lingerie.
Make It Hotter: For more boobic sensation, try a set of nipple clamps.
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The Crab
How To Do It: The bottom sits up straight with their knees bent and feet on the floor. Their thighs and lower legs are bound, forcing them to keep their legs bent, and their wrist are bound to their calves.
Pros: This classic bondage position is great for power play because the bottom is pretty immobilized.
Cons: Bondage is never completely safe. The top can accidently tie knots too tight or the bottom can suddenly want to break free. Have a part of safety scissor nearby.
Switch It Up: If the bottom is uncomfortable having their upper and lower legs bound together, try a easier alternative with the bottom in a chair, as in the illustration.
Make It Hotter: Add a dramatic flair by having the bottom struggle against the bonds as the top tries to go down on them or use a toy (With pre-consent always!)
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The Bridge Tie-Up
How To Do It: The bottom lies down on their back and lifts their hips into the air. The top binds the bottom’s wrists behind their back then lifts the bottom’s butt so the bottom can wrap their legs around the top.
Pros: Lots of eye contact and very deep penetration.
Cons: Can be difficult to hold the pose. A sex wedge or stack of firm pillows under the bottom’s hips can make a huge different.
Switch It Up: Try an easier version, a la the Bridge position, where the bottom plants their feel flat on the bed.
Make It Hotter: One vibrating cock ring, please.
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The Get-Off to See the Wizard
How To Do It: The bottom gets in a facedown fetal position with their legs spread and hips at the edge of the bed. The top binds their wrists behind their back. They can stand to penetrate from behind, reaching around to stroke the bottom’s clit or penis, depending on who’s where.
Pros: Being face-down puts the bottom in an inherently submissive position—a pro here. Plus this works with oral, fingering, toys or penetration.
Cons: No eye contact so you can’t assess how each other is doing. Keep connected with sound—moans, growls, or telling each other what you need.
Switch It Up: Try it with pegging.
Make It Hotter: Get a powerful vibrator like a Magic Wand. It can work on clits, perineum, penis shafts, or anywhere else you two might like some deep, rumbly vibes.
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Beginner's Luck
How To Do It: The bottom lies on their back with their hands pressed under their butt for some faux bondage. The bottom is essentially binding themselves with their body weight. The top leans down between their legs to treat them to some semi-bound oral sex.
Pros: Great starter bondage if one of you is really uncomfortable with being bound right away. If it gets too hardcore for them, they can release their hands whenever they want, and all is well!
Cons: Faux bondage doesn’t have the same stakes as actual bondage. The top can make it feel more real by commanding their bottom through voice commands (“Do NOT move!”) and generally acting like they’re in control.
Switch It Up: The top can also use their hands to hold down the bottom’s wrists for penetration.
Make It Hotter: Try a version where the bottom is face down and the top is lying on top of them, pinning them to the bed with their body weight. (As with all of this, negotiate comfort zones beforehand.)
The Full Spread
How To Do It: The bottom gets on all fours, face to the bed. The top puts a spreader bar between the bottom’s ankles and kneels behind to torment them with a toy, their mouth, hands or penetration.
Pros: A spreader bar forces the bottom’s ankles apart making them feel exposed and vulnerable (which is good here!).
Cons: No spreader bar? DIY it bondage tape and a broom handle.
Switch It Up: Works well for anal and all manner of butt play.
Make It Hotter: Try a pleasure/pain mash up where the top mixes some sharp spanks or bites (no breaking the skin) with gentle fingering and/or oral.
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The Naughty Chair
How To Do It: The bottom sits backwards in a hard, armless chair. Then they lean forward so their chest is touching the back of the chair and their butt is hanging over the front edge. Their ankles are bound to the front chair legs and their wrists tied behind their back.
Pros: Good for butt stuff, general discomfort, and any manner of role-playing.
Cons: Bondage isn’t supposed to be comfortable, exactly, but hard chairs can be especially uncomfortable. Give the bottom a break with a soft pillow between their chest and the back of the chair.
Switch It Up: For the top’s spanking, paddling or flogging convenience, have the bottom stand up and lean over the chair, as in the illustration.
Make It Hotter: Student/teacher role play? Put the chair facing the corner for dramatic effect, because the bottom has been very, very naughty.
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The Rag Doll
How To Do It: Lie on your sides in traditional spooning position. The little spoon’s wrists are bound together in front of them, while the big spoon has full access to squeeze, touch, and all-around spoil the little spoon.
Pros: Comfort for all.
Cons: If you like roughness and a more hardcore feel, cuddly spooning kind of messes with the vibe. Make it feel edgier with dirty talk, issuing commands, etc.
Switch It Up: The big spoon can hold onto the little spoon's hips and rock them as they please—onto a strap-on, vibrator or penis.
Make It Hotter: To explore a humiliation kink, the top can make their bottom beg, spank them, put a ball gag on them. Discuss limits beforehand so you’ll both know the boundaries.
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The X-Factor
How To Do It: The bottom lies face down with their arms and legs out in an X shape. The top binds their partner’s wrists and ankles to the four corners of the bed.
Pros: This straddles just the right spot between arousing uncertainty and “Help! Way too f*cking vulnerable." Being face-down may make the bottom feel less exposed, but it's still tantalizing because they can't see what's going on.
Cons: If the top has a smaller penis or strap-on, penetration is tricky in this position. A pillow under the bottom’s hips is a fast fix.
Switch It Up: For a non-penetrative option, the top can put their hands under their partner for a lubey hand job, and if y’all want, use the other hand to play with their bottom’s backside.
Make It Hotter: The top can outfit their bottom with a wearable remote-control vibrator. For maximum power play, the top can sit across the room and watch as they edge their bottom with the toy.
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The Be Mine
How To Do It: Bind your wrists together. The top leads their partner’s hand however they desire.
Pros: The top can show their bottom exactly what they want to happen, in real time.
Cons: Need handcuffs for this one, unless you want a three-legged race-type couples challenge where you're trying to tie yourselves up. There are a lot of inexpensive options.
Switch It Up: Very easy to switch power rolls and let the other person take the lead.
Make It Hotter: The top can hold their partner’s hand up over their head and ride them.
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The Pass the Velvet Rope
How To Do It: The bottom stands by a door with their wrists tied to the doorknob or bound in a restraint system that fits over a door frame.
Pros: Works for different kinds of power games, ie. the top can service their bottom with oral, or they can use their bottom take their (consensually, pre-agreed upon) pleasure.
Cons: If you want to add penetration, can be hard to line up body parts. For a creative fix, the bottom can hang onto the restraints while their partner lifts them.
Switch It Up: The bottom can face the top to see what’s in store for them, or stay on edge by facing the door.
Make It Hotter: If you’re super into door sex, try a sex swing that mounts in a door frame. Tighten the straps or use additional ties to add a bondage element.
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The Over the Moon
How To Do It: The top bends their bottom over a sturdy bar stool then binding their ankles and wrists to the stool leg. The top can torture their bottom with tongue, toy, or the promise of penetration if they beg hard enough.
Pros: This is great for those who love to relinquish control (or take control). Plus it’s bare-bones enough that all you need is a barstool (or even a tall-ish side table), and some rope.
Cons: Might not have rope. Sub in some wide masking tape. (As with all bondage, keep scissors close at hand.)
Switch It Up: Change the dynamic by having the bottom instruct their partner on what they want done to them.
Make It Hotter: The top can flog their partner gently (or not so gently.)
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This Little Piggie
How To Do It: The bottom lies on their stomach, legs bent at the knees, arms by their sides. The top lifts their partner’s arms and binds them to their ankles.
Pros: The classic hog-tie position puts a bottom in a very restricted position which enhances the submissive aspect.
Cons: Not beginner-friendly. You might want to save this one for a later bondage experience. Or cheat a little with a restraint system that does the positioning for you.
Switch It Up: The top can reward their bottom’s good behavior with a lube-y reach-around.
Make It Hotter: For a more hard-core penetrative version, the top lifts the bottom up onto their thighs. They can thrust upward or move the bottom over their penis/strap-on like a sex doll.
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The Hot Seat
How To Do It: The bottom sits in a straight-back chair with each of their legs tied to the chair legs, and their wrists behind them. The top plies their partner with a series of sensations—toys, mouth, penetration, etc… Some people like being teased with a feather or ice cube and a warm mouth.
Pros: The variety of stimuli makes the bottom hyper-alert to each sensation.
Cons: New bottoms can feel ~too~ restrained. If so, they can just hook their feet around the chair legs for a starter version.
Switch It Up: If the bottom closes their eyes, they’ll be even more focused on what’s coming their way.
Make It Hotter: You can take it rougher, with a random slap or a whack on the thighs with a spatula. You’ll need to work it all out ahead of time and set some clear ground rules.
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The Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down
How To Do It: The top uses a silk restraint to tie the partner’s wrists together over their head. Then the top mounts their bottom, telling them they are not allowed to move (until they say so, anyway).
Pros: The advantages of cowgirl, plus the edginess of bondage.
Cons: Might not have designated silk restraints. No problem, try a classic dress tie.
Switch It Up: Re-use silky ties as blindfolds next time.
Make It Hotter: Add a tie to the bottom’s ankles to enhance the power games.
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The Anal On the Ropes
How To Do It: The bottom kneels with their face to the floor, butt in the air, and their wrists tied to their ankles. The top slides a finger into their bum (with permission!) and uses the other hand to give them a lube-y hand job.
Pros: Love anal? This one's for you (or your anal-loving partner). Double stimulation for the bottom, easy access for the top.
Cons: Some people are icked out by butts. Totally okay to wear some disposal medical gloves.
Switch It Up: A great start to doggie style penetration, too.
Make It Hotter: The top shall require begging for any new touch.
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The Mark
How To Do It: Some orders for the top: Tell your bottom (or hell, order them) to lie on their back and open their legs for you. Their arms go under their knees and hands on their outside ankles so you can bind their wrists to their ankles (use bondage tape if knots aren't your thing). Then, go to town giving oral or penetrating.
Pros: The bottom is basically in fetal position but on their back, giving the top full access to absolutely everything.
Cons: Not great if you’re into butt spanking. Next time…
Switch It Up: Flip the bottom on their side for a different angle.
Make It Hotter: Slather a warming lube or arousal gel onto the bottom’s penis/vulva/anus, then play with other parts of their body while you let it work its magic.
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The Ravished
How To Do It: Have the bottom lie on their back spread-eagle, attaching each limb to a corner of the bed with an under-the-bed restraint system.
Pros: The bottom gets to lie there and enjoy while their partner handles everything, allowing them to relax into full submission.
Cons: Under the bed restraint systems can be a little pricey. You can DIY it with scarfs or shirts tied to each bed post, handcuffs attached to the head- and footboards or bondage tape wrapped around the mattress corners.
Switch It Up: The top tortures their partner with excruciatingly slow oral.
Make It Hotter: The top can switch between toys, mouth, hands and penetration.
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