20 Women Describe Exactly What They Want During Sex
"Skin on skin. Hands everywhere. Hot, slow kisses."
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Welcome to The World of Sex, where multiple orgasms happen and exploring your kinks and fetishes is absolutely encouraged. This means, though, that just like Starbucks orders or favorite Bachelor contestants, everyone has different opinions and preferences when it comes to the best ways to get it on. And honestly, what women want in bed varies wildly from person to person. In other words, it isn’t a one size fits all kind of thing.
The reasoning is that there are actually tons of different types of sex out there. From vanilla to kinky, what sex means to one person probably means something totally different to another—and what “good” sex means varies even more. Some people prefer to stick with romantic kisses and cuddles, while others might like exploring all the shades of bondage toys and power dynamics.
But now is the perfect time to mention that sex isn’t actually defined as only vaginal penetration. Laurie Mint, PhD, Lelo sexpert and author of Becoming Cliterate, previously told Cosmopolitan any act involving genital contact between consenting folks for the purpose of sexual pleasure = sex! Meaning things like masturbation, oral, anal, and even phone sex or sexting can all count.
On top of that, many vulva-havers actually need (and want!) a bit more than just thrusting when hooking up, since only 18 percent of cis-women can actually reach orgasm during penetrative sex alone.
So, if you’re trying to solve the mystery of what women want in bed or are just looking for a lil inspo, we've collected quotes from 20 women who explain *exactly* what they like during sex. And um, spoiler, none of them mention penetration. Happy humping!
closeness, closeness, and more closeness
"I love to feel as physically close as possible. Skin on skin. Hands everywhere. Hot, slow kisses. I want to feel like we are devouring each other. I especially love when my girlfriend kisses my neck and rubs her hands along the outline of my body."—Ali
take your time
"Lengthy foreplay please! Sex is always better (for both of us) when he takes the time to make out and get me really aroused beforehand."—Gillian
romantic roughness
"I want to be treated really passionately and aggressively. Like, throw me against a wall and grab me forcefully à la Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams post-canoe ride in The Notebook."—Madison
stroke the ego
"I just want my man to tell me that I am a very bright, very special woman (like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman). I feel like most guys aren't so great with the compliments, and after you're naked with someone, that's all you really want."—Christine
a public surprise
"I would love to be whisked away on a last-minute trip somewhere chic, have a lovely, innocent, romantic dinner. Then, on a walk back to our hotel, sneak off in an alley for an illicit, highly-charged tryst!"—Liz
real and raw
"All I really want in bed right now is intimacy and trust. I want to be able to be fully vulnerable, and I feel like I can be that way most with my wife. Maybe that’s because I’m getting older or because the last year was so hard, but I need to feel like I’m in a safe place to fully relax and enjoy myself."—Shannon
light it up
"Totally cliche, but I would love to be wooed in my bedroom with tons of candles lit everywhere. I just think candlelight makes me look better (which makes me feel sexy) and I think it's uber romantic and sweet."—Elizabeth
get hands on
"Get your fingers involved with the oral, people! It takes things to a whole new level."—Jill
feelin' footloose
"I secretly wish my fiancé would suck my toes and rub my arches during sex. The slightest touch to my feet when we are shifting positions drives me wild!"—Max
role switch
"I’m usually the 'top' or the initiator when I have sex, so it’s a big turn-on when my girlfriend literally just jumps on top of me and decides to take charge. It’s hot!"—Dalia
wake up call
"The thing I die for is a sneak attack when I'm asleep, and I wake up to my man "doing things" to me. Kiss of the neck from the spooning position (as I sleep on my side) and then full-blown fun is the best."—Melissa (Note: Consent is key here!)
oral sex surprises
"I love when my man jerks off and teases me while I’m going down on him. More points if he slaps my face with it. And if I’m with a girl, I looove when she grabs me by my ass while I’m going down on her. The fact that she can bend like that and grab me hard drives me crazy!"—Katie
slow and steady
"Tell me to take my time. Some women worry that it takes them too long to orgasm and that can lead to totally not enjoying the experience. When your man says he's down for marathon sex, you stop worrying and enjoy it more."—Courtney
hold her tight
"Gotta say, I really like being picked up and carried to bed; it somehow manages to seem both romantic and manly at the same time."—Sarah
ditch the sweetness
"If I'm being really honest, the one thing I HATE in the bedroom is soft, slow movements. Pull my hair! Spank me! Cover my moans with your hand! Anything not rough makes my skin crawl."—Rachel
vibe check
"Set the mood—sexy music, pour us some drinks, touch my leg under the table at dinner. Just do something to change the mood from a normal one to a hot one."—Leah
bring on the booty
"I like it when a dude kisses my butt. I mean literally, but figuratively is also nice."—Kaitlin
strip it down
"I like a guy to take all of his clothes off BEFORE we get in bed. Just seeing his excited penis turns me on."—Joanna
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