How to Go Down on Someone Like a Total Pro, According to Sexperts

There are plenty of things in life you can fake. Your skincare routine, knowing how taxes work, the fact that you’ve totally seen The Bear. But if there’s one thing you probably can’t fake, it’s confidence about oral sex (also taxes—you can’t fake those). That’s because, when it comes to going down on someone, nerves, confusion, and “winging it” can turn a super-hot moment into a weirdly clinical one real fast.

Let’s talk about how to eat a girl out—or more accurately, how to perform oral sex on someone with a vulva. (Because gender and sex aren’t the same thing.) According to Lisa Finn, sex educator at Babeland, oral sex on a vulva typically means stimulating the clitoris with the mouth, but it can also include licking, sucking, kissing, or just applying gentle pressure with your face across the vulva or vaginal opening. And if that sounds like a lot to navigate, you’re not wrong. “Not everyone will have the same reactions. Even the same partner might not respond the same way every time,” Finn says. “Our bodies are unique, and so are the ways we experience pleasure.”

That’s where this guide comes in. Whether you’re going down for the first time or just looking to sharpen your technique, we’ve rounded up expert tips that’ll help you understand the mechanics, read your partner’s cues, and maybe even enjoy the process yourself. Because TBH? You deserve to feel confident! (And less like a reptile doing that lizard tongue thing—IYKYK.)

You’re eager. They’re eager. But launching straight at the clit like it’s a panic button? Not the move. Most people with vulvas need a little warm-up to really enjoy oral, so treat this like foreplay to the foreplay.

Start by kissing along their thighs, hips, and stomach. Basically, any erogenous zone that builds anticipation without going straight for the goods. Gentle licks along the outer labia? Hot. Breathy kisses that make them squirm? Even hotter. “Cunnilingus is about connection and sensation, not just a mad dash to the finish line,” says Finn. “Go slow and check in; it keeps things feeling good and grounded in consent.”

Think of it like a striptease with your mouth: the more tease, the better the payoff.

For starters, it’s important to understand the four tongue motions most people with vaginas love on their clit. According to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, the winners are: up and down, circular, side to side, and rapid pulsing in one spot. Translation? You don’t need a PhD in oral sex, just some rhythm and a little variety.

From there, don’t be afraid to experiment. Finn suggests trying techniques like tracing letters with your tongue. “If the letter ‘M’ has them quivering and moaning, stay on that letter,” she says. “Play with the size, speed, and pressure. Changing how you lick that shape can hit different parts of the vulva while keeping the clitoral stimulation consistent.”

Yes, the clitoris is the star of the show for many people with vulvas, but it’s not the only act worth watching. The entire vulva is rich with nerve endings, meaning that kisses, licks, and gentle pressure around the labia, vaginal opening, and even the perineum (the area between the vagina and the anus) can feel really good.

“People with penises: You wouldn’t want all your stimulation just on the head, right?” says Sydney, 45. So true. Imagine getting a handjob where someone only touched the tip. Not ideal, right? The same logic applies here. So don’t zero in on the clit like it’s the only thing that matters. Treat the whole area like it’s worth exploring, because it so is.

Hot tip: You’re not limited to just your tongue when giving oral. Your lips, nose, cheeks, even your chin can all get in on the action. In fact, incorporating your whole face can seriously elevate the experience for your partner and give your jaw a break.

If you’re going for direct clitoral stimulation, try lightly cupping the clit between your lips while moving your head in small, steady circles. Your nose can create extra pressure or sensation above or below the clit, and your cheeks and chin can provide a little grounding as your partner grinds into you.

And yes, this is where face sitting comes in. Letting them straddle your face puts them in control of the pressure and positioning. Plus? It’s just hot. Bonus: The more surface area in contact, the more stimulation they’ll feel.

Moral of the story? You have a whole face, so use it.

Who says your mouth has to do all the work? Introducing fingers or sex toys while going down can help build intensity, keep your tongue from going numb, and add new sensations your partner might really love.

Finn notes that using fingers alongside oral is a classic combo for a reason, but consent is key. “If you're going to insert fingers, check in beforehand, cut your nails, and go slow,” she says. Some people love G-area pressure during oral, others prefer light movement or just the feeling of fullness. Either way, communicating first keeps things hot *and* respectful.

You can also try adding nipple play or a dildo while you go down. And if this feels like a patting head/rubbing belly thing, sometimes just having a toy in place (like a dildo or plug) can enhance sensation without you having to multitask too hard.

If you're worried about stamina (especially if your partner takes their time building up to orgasm), you’re not alone. Lu, 19, says her ex had “mini-orgasmic patterns” that required long sessions. Her solution? Using a hand for a few minutes mid-session to maintain momentum without burning out.

Multitasking might not be sexy when it’s your inbox, but when it’s your mouth, hands, and a toy? 10/10 would recommend.

You don’t need to be an oral professional to be good at going down. You just need to actually want to be there, and show it. According to Kendra, 26, it’s “super hot when someone is really enthusiastic and clearly wants to go down.” Translation: If you’re doing it out of obligation, your partner can tell.

“Use your whole tongue—the tip, the underside—and play with pressure and direction,” says orgasm coach Lisa Kan, who recommends leaning in and letting your partner grind against you. “Noses, cheeks, and chins can make delicious pressure,” she adds.

Finn agrees that bringing genuine excitement to oral play can make it exponentially hotter. “Use your mouth to talk, too,” she says. “Saying things like Tell me what feels good or You taste so good can help your partner relax and add to the experience.”

Basically, act like you're at an all-you-can-eat buffet and it’s your favorite damn dish. That energy? Irresistible.

There’s no universal oral sex map—what worked wonders on one person might do nothing for the next. That’s why communication is the most underrated foreplay tool in your kit. But it’s also why knowing your own preferences is just as important. Because hey, the only way you can tell someone how to please you...is to actually know what you like.

Take a little time to figure it out: Try a suction vibe along your labia or clitoris, pay attention to what makes you squirm (in a good way), and commit your favorite sensations to memory. That way, you can help point any future suitors in the right direction, like a very sexy human GPS.

“Even if you’ve absolutely blown someone away with your cunnilingus technique in the past, not everyone will have the same reactions,” says Finn. “Our bodies are unique, and so are the ways we experience pleasure and sensation.”

So before you dive right in, just ask: “Do you like direct clitoral stimulation?” or “Tell me what feels good.” It doesn’t need to be clinical. Turn it into dirty talk if that’s your vibe. And if they’re not sure yet? Cool. Play around with pressure, tongue shapes (hi, alphabet method), and rhythm until something clicks.

Let’s get this out of the way: Yes, you can get an STI from oral sex, and yes, you should be protecting yourself and your partner. Enter: the dental dam. Is it a total vibe killer? Not if you don’t make it one.

“Oral barriers like dental dams are designed to be thin enough that you’ll still be able to feel all the pressure and sensation,” says Finn. “Some even come in flavors, or you can add flavored lube to make it more fun.” Think of it like flavored lube for your face: safety and sensation in one very sexy package!

And if the idea still feels awkward, flip the script. Use it as an excuse to get playful, tease a little, or turn it into part of the buildup. Being a thoughtful, safe partner is actually really hot, especially when you’re using your mouth like a goddamn legend.

This isn’t a choose-your-own-adventure. If they say “right there,” that’s where you live now. Whatever you do, resist the urge to switch things up just because you’re bored. Think of it like cruise control: Once you’ve found the speed (or in this case, stroke or pressure) that’s working, keep it steady.

As Finn puts it, “If a partner ever says they’re getting close or they say Right there, or Don’t stop, do not switch it up! Keep that stimulation consistent as you guide them with your mouth through their O.”

Consistency is your best friend here. You can get creative later…once they’ve caught their breath and returned the favor.