When you think Cosmo, odds are one of the first things that comes to mind is “sex tips.” That’s because we’ve spent the past several decades bringing readers the very best in all things sexual wisdom. And while, historically, we may not have always hit the mark (yes, we all remember that donut tip), we’re committed to going above and beyond to seek out the best, most scientifically accurate, sex-life-enhancing advice, straight from the experts.
And no, we’re not talking about hacky sex tips from grocery store checkout lines of yore like, “how to drive him wild!’ and “how to please your man.” The expert-backed sex advice we’re bringing you today is for people of all genders, sexualities, and experience levels, and it’s about so much more than improving your “performance” or pleasing a partner. Rather, it’s about building your sexual confidence, getting in touch with your own unique erotic blueprint, and co-creating safe, pleasurable, fulfilling sexual encounters with partners that help you build a better sex life overall.
“Great sex isn’t just about what you do—it’s about how present, engaged, and uninhibited you allow yourself to be,” says sex therapist Carolina Pataky, PhD, relationship expert and founder of South Florida’s Love Discovery Institute. “The most electrifying experiences don’t come from perfect technique or performing for someone else—they come from tuning into your own pleasure, embracing what turns you on, and sharing that energy with your partner.”
Here are 13 sex tips to help you have better sex and create a more fulfilling sex life, both partnered and solo (because, yes, your sex life with yourself is just as important).
1. Get in the Right Headspace
“Great sex starts in the mind. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship, having a one-night stand, or exploring solo pleasure, feeling safe, confident, and fully present makes all the difference,” says Pataky.
Figure out what this means for you, both long and short term. Long term, this could involve working with a sex therapist to combat sexual shame and embrace your sexuality, practicing sexual meditation, and figuring out what you like and don’t like via sexual experimentation, both solo and with a partner. In the shorter term, getting in the right mindset might look like building anticipation by sexting with a partner ahead of a planned sex sesh, easing into sex by taking a romantic bath together or giving each other massages, or setting the mood with a sex playlist. There’s no one right way to prepare for sex—it’s all about figuring out what makes you and your partner(s) feel sexy, safe, and seen.
“Enhancing your sex life and boosting your performance starts with truly connecting with yourself. It's about becoming deeply attuned to your own body, its sensuality, and its erotic potential,” says Pataky. “This kind of self-awareness allows you to fully experience each sensation and respond more naturally and passionately during intimate moments. It’s about embracing the entire experience, from your deepest desires to the subtlest touches.”
2. Practice Sexual Mindfulness
“Sex shouldn’t be a performance, but sometimes it can feel like it,” says sex expert Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, host of Loveline and the Luvbites by Dr. Tara podcast. “If you ever catch yourself ‘performing,’ snap out of it by focusing on your breath. This is called sexual mindfulness, and it’s also one of the most important predictors of long-term sexual satisfaction.”
Another option if you catch yourself slipping into a performative mindset during partnered sex is to simply tell your partner, press pause on your play, and have a conversation about what you’re feeling and why, cuddle, or do anything else to help you return to a more grounded mental state.
3. Communicate With Your Partner
Communication before, during, and after sex is crucial. Not only can this lead to better sexual encounters on an individual level, but it can also help you and your partner(s) build a more satisfying sex life and a more intimate relationship overall.
“Communication is everything,” says Pataky. “Even if you’re nervous, saying things like, ‘I like that,’ or ‘Let’s try this,’ makes sex feel more natural and connected. And don’t just talk—listen to your partner’s body language and reactions.”
And again, good sexual communication isn’t all about what you say in bed—communicating before and after sex is just as important. That means securing consent, of course, but it also means talking to your partner(s) about boundaries, what you like, don’t like, and want to try. (Pro tip: making a “Yes/No/Maybe list” can be a fun yet helpful exercise when establishing boundaries and sharing wants and desires.)
If you’re in a consistent sexual relationship, this should all ideally be an ongoing conversation—but it doesn’t have to be stressful or feel like a chore! The more you and your partner(s) communicate about sex (both in and out of the bedroom) the more casual, comfortable, and even sexy these conversations can be.
If you’re in a long-term relationship, Dr. Tara recommends having regular “sexy check-ins” where you make quality time to truly take stock of your sex life and discuss anything you’d like to change or anything new you might want to try.
4. Don’t Make It All About the Orgasm
Talk to any sex expert for long enough, and you’ll probably hear them say the words “goal-oriented sex.” This term refers to sex that has an end goal—usually orgasm. Talk to them for a few seconds longer, and you’ll find out that goal-oriented sex is…not ideal. Why? Because orgasm is not and should not be all the end-all, be-all of sex. Not to get all, “great sex is about the journey, not the destination,” but…great sex is about the journey, not the destination. (Sorry, it just is.)
Not only can focusing all your attention on reaching orgasm (whether yours or a partner’s) actually make it harder to get there (because, you know, pressure), but it can also seriously take you out of the moment, lead to performative sex, and make it harder to actually experience—let alone enjoy—sex.
“A passionate and pleasurable sexual encounter does not have to end with an orgasm,” says Dr. Tara. In fact, any sexual encounter is going to be that much more passionate and pleasurable if you don’t put so much pressure on orgasm.
5. Foreplay Is So Important…
But also, let’s rethink the whole concept of “foreplay.” While, yes, easing into penetrative sex with kissing, oral, massages, toys, etc., is all extremely important, a large part of moving away from goal-oriented sex means parting ways with the heteronormative, male-orgasm-oriented conception of “sex” as something that begins with penis-in-vagina penetration and ends with a (male) orgasm. The idea of “foreplay” as everything that precedes penetrative sex only reinforces this dated definition of “real” sex as something that has to involve a penis, a vagina, and an ejaculation. Reframing your definition of sex to include all forms of erotic touch and play—including those that may have historically been considered “foreplay”—can help everyone involved experience greater sexual satisfaction and feel less concerned about reaching an end goal.
That said, if you are engaging in any kind of penetrative play, prefacing penetration with deep kissing, massages, oral sex, or anything else that builds arousal is an absolute must and will greatly improve the experience for both the penetrating and penetrated partners.
6. Practice Non-Penetrative Forms of Intimacy
Again, sex is about so much more than just penetrative, penis-in-vagina intercourse. This idea of PIV intercourse as the primary definition of “sex” is a direct result of social scripts that have dictated (very basic) heterosexual dynamics that center male pleasure for far too long.
“There’s a plethora of other activities that fall under the ‘sex’ umbrella,” explains board-certified sex educator, Linnea Marie. “We shouldn’t limit ourselves or let anyone define what sex is for us—we need to write our own sexual script.”
Kissing, hand jobs, oral sex, rimming, dirty talk, spanking, cuddling, taking a sex bath—these are all just a few of the many, many ways you can have (great) sex without penetration. This is not to say that penetration can’t or shouldn’t be part of your sex life, just that it doesn’t have to define sex or be the highlight of any given sexual encounter.
7. Use Lube
If there’s one sex tip I can universally hand down to people of any and all genders having sex of any and all kinds under any and all circumstances (partnered or solo!), it’s to use lube. Certain kinds of lube are better for certain kinds of sex (check out Cosmo’s Lube Awards for our breakdown of the best lubes for every situation), but overall, you really can’t go wrong with using lube (and then adding even more lube).
8. Masturbate
“Knowing your own body first is a game changer,” says Pataky. “Touch yourself, notice what feels good, and get familiar with your desires. The better you understand your own pleasure, the easier it is to share it with someone else. When you understand your own erotic needs, you can articulate them more clearly to your partner, making your encounters more fulfilling.”
9. Use Toys
Sex toys like vibrators can greatly improve a masturbation session and help you explore different forms of stimulation to figure out what you like, but they’re not just for solo sex! You can absolutely incorporate sex toys into your partnered sex life as well. Whether it’s a couples vibrator specifically designed for partnered play, a wand or clit vibe to help you get the extra stimulation you need during sex, or kinky sexcessories like handcuffs, blindfolds, and more, playing with toys in the bedroom is one of the best, most fun ways to enhance your sex life, both on your own or with your partner(s).
10. Go Slow
”Slowing down is another secret to unforgettable sex. Tease. Linger. Let anticipation build,” says Pataky. “The brain is the most powerful sex organ, and desire thrives in the space between wanting and receiving. The more you allow yourself and your partner to feel the build-up, the more explosive the payoff.”
11. Schedule Sex
Don’t let the movie trope of spontaneous sex where two people just fall into each other’s arms and suddenly get lost in the throes of passion fool you—sex doesn’t have to be spontaneous to be fulfilling. In fact, scheduling sex is one of the best ways partners can make each other and their sex lives a priority, and one of the top tips sex experts recommend for couples—especially those in long-term relationships.
12. Experiment With Different Locations
This could be as simple as having sex in a different room or on a different piece of furniture than you’re used to, or as elaborate as planning a romantic getaway to soak up all the vacation sex vibes.
“Taking a trip dedicated to relaxation creates newness, a sense of adventure, and opportunity,” says sex therapist Casey Tanner, an expert for Lelo. Unsurprisingly, all of that newness and adventure tends to translate to “sex that feels hotter, more connective, and easier to initiate.”
13. Embrace Your Fantasies
“Stay curious—about your own desires and your partner’s,” says Pataky. “This curiosity can uncover new pleasures and desires, enriching your relationship in unexpected ways. When you explore each other’s desires without judgment, you create a space where sexuality and eroticism are celebrated.”
Be open with your partner(s) about what you want to try or what you fantasize about, whether it’s certain kinks, a specific kind of (ethical) porn you like to watch (or want to watch together), or even just a new position you’d like to try out.
“Above all, ditch the script. Whether it’s a long-term partner or a one-night stand, sex is meant to be an exploration, not a checklist,” says Pataky. “Stay curious, play with new sensations, and let go of any pressure to perform—because the best sex isn’t about doing more, it’s about feeling more.”
