Whether you’ve given anal sex a go or not, you’ve probably wondered what it feels like and whether it might be for you. But because anal is less-talked-about than vaginal sex, there’s a common misconception that it can be messy, painful, and not as pleasurable for people with vulvas. First thing's first? These are total myths that stem from outdated—and honestly, exclusionary—views on sex.
"Still today across the United States, many people believe that anything outside of penetrative sex for the purpose of procreation is considered taboo," says Cosmopolitan’s Navigating Non-Monogamy columnist Zachary Zane, author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto. Additionally, Zane says society still suffers from lingering homophobia, and as a result, holds onto idea that straight people and cisgender women shouldn’t be engaging in a sexual act traditionally associated with queer sex. "But anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, can enjoy anal sex," says Zane. "An act doesn’t have a sexual orientation."
So if you're curious about anal and your partner enthusiastically consents, you should absolutely feel empowered to try it out for yourself! Before you dive in, there are a few things to know and conversations you'll want to have around things like boundaries, consent, and aftercare—all elements we recommend talking through regardless of what type of sex you're having. It’s always worth devising a solid plan to educate yourself on what to expect (check out our very thorough guide to preparing for anal sex). And the golden rule: You’re going to need a lot of lube.
"Both you and your partner should be educated on how to have anal sex," says Zane. "You don’t want to run into a situation where your partner isn’t using enough lube, or they're going too fast when you’re not warmed up and you end up getting a painful anal fissure. You want it to be as fun and pleasurable as possible. Knowledge leads to pleasure."
Whether you’re set to be the giver or the receiver, you might be wondering what anal feels like for the person doing the penetrating, how it compares to vaginal sex, whether it’s "better," and what people with penises like about both anal sex and vaginal sex. We're unpacking all of that and more below, with first-hand experience from people who've tried it themselves. Read on and take notes!
What Does Anal Sex Feel Like Compared to Vaginal Sex?
1.“[Anal sex] feels grainier if that makes sense. I don’t enjoy it as much as vaginal because you also have to prepare a lot for it. It’s a much more vulnerable area than the vagina and I can’t go as fast or powerful when doing anal. The novelty wore off on me very soon.” [via]
2.“Hearing a partner moan from anal sex is different than hearing a moan from vaginal and I find it sounds a bit hotter... It’s also the act of someone surrendering completely and a dominance thing, for myself. PIV > anal but options are always nice.” [via]
3.“PIV sex feels like putting on skinny jeans and anal feels like fucking a water bottle.” [via]
4.“Vaginal is a sensation of tightness across the entire penis, whereas anal is more of a single ring feeling because the sphincter is the tightest point. For me, anal feels a little tighter so there’s more friction. It’s not more enjoyable for me, and most of my friends don’t feel like it’s more enjoyable either. It’s just something that’s different and treated in common culture as taboo, which makes it more interesting.” [via]
5.“I actually think in terms of physical sensations, that the vagina feels better than the anus. The vagina has more texture, is wetter, and in general it feels better. My love of anal is purely psychological. For me, ass play is one more thing I like to incorporate in my sexual toolkit, so to speak. Just one more way to give and receive pleasure from each other.” [via]
6.“Vaginal is a wet and smooth feeling. Multiple ridges and muscles along the vaginal canal. When in strokes, it feels like a series of tight waves made slick by lube or the person being wet. Anal is a tight push feeling. It feels like a firm solid grip on the penis that only lets up when you sink all the way in.” [via]
7.“Besides the obvious of the butt being extremely tight, it’s almost like a sucking feeling once the penis is a few inches in. So it’s like getting a blow job at the same time that you’re having sex.” [via]
8.“I prefer vaginal. Anal feels different but not in a good, vaginal way. Just different. I can’t explain it more than: Vagina feels really good wrapped around my dick and anal, well, it’s okay if that’s what she’s into.” [via]
9.“Vaginal is clearly better. No mess (except during menstruation, but whatever). More tight. More responsive. Anal is only fun when the person receiving it enjoys it. But mostly, anal is overrated. At least heterosexual anal sex is.” [via]
10.“I’m a bigger guy with pretty average junk. I’m bigger though, so my fat can get in the way somewhat. The girls I’m normally with are bigger too, so positions like doggy are almost impossible PIV, but anally, works like a charm.” [via]
11. “A lot of it is mind-driven for many people. Personally I do enjoy the feeling more as well. In addition to the whole taboo part, for me there’s also an aspect of feeling trusted. There is some extra portion of intimacy to accept the additional preparation and the vulnerable state it puts the receiving party into.” [via]
12. “It’s not a preference for it instead of vaginal, it’s just something to throw in every now and then. Why? Because my girl has a beautiful ass. I’m obsessed with it, and to get to fuck it every now and then is a huge turn on. Nothing could replace vaginal sex. Anal is just about occasional variety, and its status as being ‘taboo’ makes doing it occasionally really hot.” [via]
13. “Vaginal feels like a warm wet hug that's tight all the way through. Anal feels tight around one area then it opens up into warm velvet. Nothing grips the head of a dick like an ass. I will say this: Vaginal feels physically better to me, but anal plays on more than just feeling. It’s a major kink of mine, so it also plays on my mind a lot. Because of this, I cum harder... a lot harder than I do with vaginal.” [via]
14. “Vaginal has more ‘pressure,' if I go as deep as I can I can feel that I’m pushing against something with the tip of my penis. There are things in the vagina that stimulate different parts, even deep inside where there’s more space. Not sure what they are. Maybe the cervix rubbing the side, maybe parts of the vaginal wall, whatever. Because of this I find vaginal sex way more pleasurable because it has more stimulation and pressure for me. Anal sex feels like one fairly tight ring or tube, maybe one or two inches of tightness, then no real resistance. Anal will kind of feel like it’s sucking you in, even past that initial tightness, which is good. But for me, the pressure isn’t there as much, particularly for the glans, so anal physically feels less stimulating because of that.” [via]
15. “I had a fetish for anal in porn for many years until I got the chance to give it a go. Couldn’t get the angles to work very well and, despite many attempts with various stages of drunkenness and lube, it seemed to hurt my partner and do absolutely nothing for me.” [via]
16. “Anal is an entirely new sensation. It starts out a bit tight, but as you get into it, it relaxes more and loosens a bit. The pressure and sensations can be amazing as the muscles contract and loosen repeatedly. Some of the most intense orgasms I’ve had have been via anal.” [via]
17. “It’s a different sensation, and variety keeps things fun. I wouldn’t want anal over PIV all the time, but it's a nice change-up sometimes.” [via]
18. “As someone who has a partner that likes anal performed on her, I can say that there is a difference for me, but it’s not nearly as unique as it may sound. It’s tighter in general than a vagina and the position is different (have to be a little higher or angle higher for me to get it in, for instance). And depending on the position, we can also do multiple stimulus (anal/vaginal). It does feel different too, since the texture is not like a vagina. But there isn’t a huge reason to desire it over vaginal.” [via]
19. “Anal feels tighter, almost suction-like. Initial penetration is also much more exciting as passing the outer sphincter is more intense than inserting into a vagina. Friction is also ‘adjustable’ with anal depending on the quantity and type of lubrication, whereas with vaginal, it’s dictated by vaginal lubrication (assuming additional is not needed). Plus there’s the social taboo. Anal isn’t quite mainstream but it’s made great strides in that regard in the last couple decades, which adds some mental stimulation too.” [via]
