Have you ever had a sexual experience so incredible, so earth-shattering, that it changed the way you looked at the world forever? If yes, then you know a thing or two about what we’re talking about when we say “transcendental sex,” even if you’re unfamiliar with the term. If not, don’t worry, we have all the information you need on how to have an experience like this (if you want one).
“Transcendental sex refers to a sexual experience that brings about a transcendent state of consciousness where one feels a sense of peace and universal connection,” explains Pam Shaffer, MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
This is sex that is like no other. It is deeply connected, next-level embodied, and possibly mind-blowing (in a good way).
Transcendental sex can take you to new heights, psychologically, emotionally, and even spiritually. The “higher state” involved in transcendental sex is known as “the DMT effect,” says Jordan Dixon, a clinical sex and relationships psychotherapist. DMT refers to the drug Dimethyltryptamine, which is known for its powerful hallucinogenic and mood-altering effects. It's often called the “spirit molecule” because it has been linked to having spiritual experiences by those who have taken it.
Transcendental sex is like experiencing a high on drugs, without taking any drugs. All the good stuff, none of the dangerous stuff. (Side note: Don’t do drugs, kids.)
This non-goal-oriented form of sex focuses on the journey of the erotic experience and “affords individuals [the ability] to navigate and to explore the nuances of their sexuality that lie way beyond the basics of [the] physical level,” says Dixon.
So if you’re looking to have a sexual experience that can low-key change your life (hi, we certainly are!), here is everything you need to know about transcendental sex and how you can tap into this otherworldly sexual experience.
What Exactly Is Transcendental Sex?
Transcendental sex is sex that takes you into an altered state of mind, giving the impression of transcending into a different realm within the self and universe. “Simply put, transcendental sex is a sexual act that goes beyond basic physical pleasure and unlocks a higher state of consciousness,” explains psychotherapist Ty David Lerman, a certified sex therapist.
Shaffer says that most people who experience this do so by accident. They’re just so in the moment, so connected to their partners, that they feel (almost) high. “The more relaxed and present you are in your sexual encounters, the more likely it is to occur,” she says.
For those intentionally exploring this kind of sex, it is non-goal oriented, meaning it strives to leave the need for orgasm at the door. If you do have orgasms, great, but the central focus is on the heightened experience, rather than the destination.
Dixon says that central to this experience is activation of the vagus nerve, pointing to research from Professor Barry Komisaruk of Rutgers University. “Stimulating the vagus nerve...transports internal sensations, which are very different from our somatic sensations and are potentially catalytic in altered states of consciousness.”
The feeling of meditative calm linked with vagus nerve stimulation and subsequent activation of the parasympathetic nervous system has the potential to lead to a state of perceived transcendence during sexual experiences.
Lerman says that transcendent sex is different from Tantric sex practices in that it is more spontaneous, whereas Tantric sex is a deliberate and focused practice. “Just about anyone can experience [transcendent sex],” he says.
What Are the Benefits of Having Transcendental Sex?
Transcendental sex has similar benefits to practices such as mindfulness, yoga, and meditation in that it aims to connect and amplify the connection between soma and psyche (our bodies and minds). These include, “a greater sense of belonging, a deeper connection to yourself and your partners, and better emotional wellbeing overall,” Shaffer says.
Dixon adds that you can also experience a grounding effect, creating a more centered feeling within your body. This can be really amazing for your sense of self, and can even help you feel more creative. Lastly, it fosters deep, intimate connection.
“This isn’t mere ‘smashing,’” says Lerman. “It’s truly a sexually charged spiritual moment with yourself and/or with your partner.”
Is It Worth Trying?
Dixon says it is entirely up to you if you’re interested in exploring this kind of next-level pleasure and connectedness. While these experiences tend to be spontaneous, they can be cultivated with practice.
Whether or not you want to try it may hinge on whether your current partner(s) is someone you want to “go there” with, as Dixon says one of the big outcomes of transcendental sex is that it can help you connect to your partner on a much deeper level. Only you and your partner get to decide if this is something you’d want to pursue.
Are There Any Downsides?
Due to the intense nature of having sex on this emotional and spiritual level, there is one major potential downside that we have to address: Who you’re having this kind of sex with and what that relationship means to you. It’s of utmost importance that you work to have these experiences with someone you trust—whether that be a partner or yourself.
That said, you don’t need to be with a long-term partner in order to explore transcendental sex, but you do have to be sure the person you’re engaging with is someone you feel safe with, says Dixon.
When we reach intense emotional highs during sexual experiences, we can sometimes experience a ‘drop’ afterwards. Much like experiences with intense kink scenes, we need to have awareness of how the cocktail of hormones in our brains post-transcendence may impact us. Clinicians refer to this as the settling of adrenaline and other euphoric neurochemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin, post-experience. In kink, this crash is known as ‘sub drop’ or ‘top drop.’
If we’re not with someone we trust, or don’t receive proper aftercare, the come down can be quite upsetting. We may experience feelings of shame, anxiety, or sadness.
To avoid this pitfall, always ensure you’re taking proper care, negotiating boundaries with your partner, and have an aftercare plan in place. Your safety (both physical and emotional) is always key.
If This Is Something You Want to Try, Here Are 5 Ways to Have Transcendental Sex
1.Try daily somatic practices
Shaffer says that making a meditation and mindfulness habit can be a great way to start building towards this kind of sex: “When you are comfortable being present in your body and able to regularly access transcendental states through meditation, you have a better road map to find these access points during sex.”
2. Create a calm environment for sex
The right setting is crucial to feeling calm and embodied enough to experience a transcendent state. Shaffer recommends “setting aside time and creating a calm, safe space for sex, whether you choose to do it solo or partnered.” Light candles, play your favorite relaxing music, and make sure your room is cozy and warm.
3. Let go of expectations
Relaxation is the name of the game. Think: low-level, soft touching and really tuning into the sensations that follow, says Dixon. “Establishing a mindful connection to our bodies and inhabiting our body/embodiment [is key].” This means we need to let go of any pressure we have around orgasms—and also transcendent states. You know how the more pressure you feel to have an orgasm, the harder it usually is to actually have one? Yeah, same thing with transcendental sex. It’s counterintuitive, we know, but not hyper-focusing on reaching that transcendent state is the only way to be present enough to get there.
4. Slow everything down
Take your time. Savor the experience. “The slower you go, the more you’re able to listen to your body and feel the sensations and the emotions that are connected to them,” Lerman says. In order to refocus attention away from performance and towards connection, Dixon suggests focusing on deep breathing and eye-gazing with your partner in a slow and purposeful way.
5. Avoid substances
Since transcendental sex requires connection to the body and mind, Lerman says you should avoid drugs and alcohol. These substances slow down the messaging system between the brain and body, making the possibility of transcendent states nearly impossible. “It dulls the senses, which is counter-productive to your intentions,” he says.
Above all, be sure you’re having FUN. These experiences can be profound, but that doesn’t mean the desire to have them should stop sex from being explorative and exciting. When we’re enjoying ourselves, we’re in a better mindset to let go and fully experience sensation and connectedness.
Happy transcending, y’all!
