Piper Riley Thompson jokes that she hard-launched her relationship on social media with her breakup. She was getting ready to make a cross-country move for a dream job (which was part of the reason for her breakup), so seven weeks before she was set to leave, she and her then-partner decided they would go their separate ways—but not before scheduling a breakup weekend. They created a shared Note and filled it with their favorite restaurants, places and people they wanted to see, and things they wanted to do together. They called it their goodbye tour.
They went on their breakup trip two weeks before Piper’s move, treating it like a regular weekend getaway except with intentional conversations about their uncoupling, what it would look like, what they wanted from each other, how they planned to communicate (if at all), what they hoped for each other, and how they envisioned their healing.
While the two had hoped to stay together, they knew they ultimately wanted different things. “So we chose to love each other in a different way,” Piper says, “which was to say goodbye.”
Piper’s breakup weekend video (the aforementioned hard launch) sparked debate on TikTok, with creators stitching her video with their thoughts. It’s been favorited by over a million users and includes comments ranging from “yeah, this would be psychologically traumatizing for me” to “this is so mature and considerate,” and it’s easy to see why people are torn. It can either be the best way to end a relationship or, you know, the worst.
Wherever you received your Modern Breakup-Education™, you’ve likely been culturally indoctrinated with a particular set of breakup expectations—namely, a no-contact rule, lots of tears, and several pints of Ben and Jerry’s. But there are other healthy ways to end a relationship, and not all of them require an instant cut-off. While breakup weekends might not be for everyone, they can be real game-changers for some, letting couples separate in a mutual, amicable way that can allow for an easier healing process.
Here’s what experts have to say about breakup weekends, including how to know if you should take one yourself.
What Is a Breakup Weekend?
A breakup weekend could look like any other cute getaway between two people in love, except it can serve as a sort of last hurrah, where couples that have decided to break up for amicable reasons (think: their lives are going in different directions or they want different things) take one last weekend to do their favorite things together, celebrate each other intentionally, and honor the time they spent together. Both parties know the relationship is ending, and they still love and care for each other, but they choose to end things in a peaceful, gentle way. More than anything, it can give the couple healthy closure and the opportunity to part ways on good terms.
“If you can do a breakup weekend (what I call a conscious completion), it gives you a chance to negotiate for ways to create the ending you desire,” says licensed family therapist Amanda Pasciucco, owner of Life Coaching and Therapy. “We design our relationships with our conscious rules and desires, so why can’t breakups be handled similarly? If it’s consensual and it doesn’t hurt anyone, it seems that a conscious completion and transition would make more sense for the way adults would like to interact with one another.”
The Pros and Cons of Breakup Weekends
A breakup weekend can make processing the end of a relationship easier because you and your partner are doing it together, as opposed to grieving alone and pretending everything’s fine if or when you see each other again. Piper says her breakup weekend allowed her the chance for full closure and gave her more agency over her grieving process.
“I got to leave the relationship with no unanswered questions—no what ifs,” she said. “I left feeling heartbroken because I was losing this person in my life in the capacity that they had been, and the romantic partnership, but I didn’t leave feeling devastated. This relationship ended with lots of sadness, and so many tears, but it didn’t end with hurt, which I think is really a profound difference.”
On the other hand, if you’re stepping into a breakup weekend with unclear expectations and boundaries, it can result in a messier breakup than initially intended. According to relationship expert Jessica Alderson, if either of you is struggling to honestly communicate what you want out of it, the weekend can end up being filled with confusion and disappointment, and it won’t be beneficial for either of you in the long run.
Are Breakup Weekends…Healthy?
That depends on your needs, on your partner’s, on your capacity to let go and move forward, and on the terms of your breakup. It’s probably not a good idea to go on a weekend getaway with someone you’ve spent more time fighting with than talking to or someone who wronged you or vice versa. But if your breakup is more situational than anything else, and/or you think it’ll do both of you some good (as in, it’ll be peaceful, not painful), going on one can be a healthy way to separate.
“A break up does not need to be contentious or dramatic to be effective,” says Akua Boateng, PhD, licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert. “Participating in healthy dialogue throughout the relationship creates a dynamic that supports a peaceful decision to part ways. If both parties feel that a last weekend together would not be harmful to their healing process, it could be a healthy goodbye.”
But remember: A breakup weekend isn’t meant to be like a couples retreat or couples therapy, where you go in with issues and exit with a game plan on how to fix your relationship. It’s crucial that you’re both on the same page before planning one. Otherwise, it could end up making it harder for you to move on.
“To have a successful breakup weekend, both people need to be emotionally mature and they should be on the same page about the relationship ending,” says Alderson.“If one person is still holding out hope for the relationship, a breakup weekend can just add to the pain because it can bring happy memories to the forefront of their mind.”
It can also be really hard to see the best of your partner and feel the romantic vibes that come with a weekend getaway, knowing the relationship is about to end, says Alderson. So think long and hard about your intentions and make sure you’re clear on your partner’s before you book your Airbnb.
Is a Breakup Weekend Right For You?
Breakup weekends aren’t for everyone because, hi, every relationship is different. Some breakups might require an immediate block, others may require a slow fade, and some might need something in between. But if you’re considering embarking on a breakup weekend, it’s imperative to, first and foremost, prioritize your own psychological safety and healing. Licensed marriage and family therapist Angela Sitka says to think about your mental state, your support system, and you and your partner’s emotional needs before going on your trip.
“You might start by journaling about your thoughts about what a breakup weekend entails, what meaning it holds and what expectations you have for the weekend,” Sitka says. “Compare notes with your partner and make sure you are on the same page with the intention of this weekend. If the image and expectations of the weekend differ between the two of you, you can try to reconcile a compromise or consider skipping it altogether.”
If a whole weekend feels like too much, you can also try a breakup day or dinner/evening instead. Sitka suggests thinking carefully about the closure you need, and if that manifests into a breakup outing of any kind, consider how much time you’d like to spend together, where the outing/weekend will take place, what you’ll do together, what topics you’d like to talk about, if you’d like other people present for parts of it, and what level of physical intimacy you’re comfortable with. It also never hurts to have a plan for when you feel emotionally overwhelmed and need to take a breather.
Breakups can be tough and complicated, but taking mindful steps in your grieving process together can be the most loving thing you do for yourselves, and for each other.
“[My ex and I believe] that just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it was a failure, and we feel that we had such a successful relationship, and such a successful breakup,” says Piper. “It just goes to show you that you can end a relationship with so much love and respect and care for your former partner, and you can carry that forward into the next stage of your life.”
