Not to be dramatic, but vibrators are, without a doubt, the unsung heroes of modern sex. Whether you’re having solo sex, getting it on with a partner, or waltzing into a sex party, the perfect buzzing sex toy is literally a life changer. (No, seriously.) But learning how to use a vibrator like a pro is what can really take things from “I think I came?” to eyes-rolling-back, can’t-remember-your-name, next-level orgasms. That said, there are lots of different types of vibrators out there, so before you grab a rabbit vibe because it was on SATC or a bullet vibrator because it’s the most budget-friendly, it’s important to figure out what kind of sensations you like.
“Do you want internal or external stimulation? Both, maybe?” asks certified sex and relationship psychotherapist Gigi Engle, sex expert at the LGBTQIA+ dating app Taimi. “This will dictate the type of toy you want to buy.” Not sure? Try masturbating the ol’ fashioned way (with your fingers) or experimenting during partnered sex to see what feels good. Light touch? Lots of friction? A combo? This will help to literally guide the vibe.
“Grabbing the wrong pleasure tool can leave a bad taste in your mouth, and not in a fun way,” cautions Goody Howard, a sexologist, educator, and consultant. Moral of the story: Not all vibrators are created equal, so pick the one that gets you off, not just the one that went viral on TikTok.
The good news? You have us. And we’re kind of notorious for knowing a thing or two (or everything) about sex toys. From what the different types of vibrators even are to how to use them (plus how to talk to your partner about adding a buzzing third to the bedroom), we’re breaking down everything you need to know about how to use a vibrator. Trust us, you’ll never look at your nightstand drawer the same way again.
Benefits of Vibrators
Trust, there are many pros to introducing vibrators and sex toys into your sexual routine. “Vibrators are good for women’s sexual pleasure, sexual health, psychological health, and relationship satisfaction,” says Laurie Mintz, PhD, Lelo sexpert and author of Becoming Cliterate. Research shows vibrator users (whether they have vaginas or not—more on this later) orgasm more easily and frequently, have higher desire, and even report greater life satisfaction overall. Basically, it’s a glow-up for your entire well-being.
Sarah Tomchesson, a certified sex educator and Magic Wand’s director of marketing, adds that vibrators are “tools—arguably the best tools—for making your orgasms better and more consistent.” She recommends thinking of them less as luxury items and more as essentials for self-discovery and pleasure. Owning a vibrator isn’t just about getting off; it’s about getting to know your body better. A good vibe helps you figure out what kind of stimulation feels best, which makes all kinds of sex (solo, partnered, anal, etc.) way more satisfying in the long run.
“The health benefits of orgasms are endless,” Howard notes. “They can lower blood pressure, reduce headaches, improve sleep quality—the list goes on.”
So yeah, consider this your sign (arguably the clearest sign) you should own one. Or like, seven.
How to Choose the Best Vibrator for You
When choosing the best vibrator for you, it all comes down to one question: What kind of pleasure makes your toes curl? “Do you like internal pleasure or clitoral stimulation?” asks Howard. “How do you feel about butt stuff?” Or maybe you’re looking for a vibrator that helps you explore new sensations altogether. Bottom line: The better you know your body, the easier it’ll be to pick a toy that actually gets you off.
Mintz suggests starting with a clitoral vibrator, since “most [people with vaginas] need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.” From there, you can experiment with different types—bullets for pinpoint pleasure, wands for broad vibrations, or suction toys for that someone’s-going-down-on-you feel. “Because everyone’s genital nerves are positioned and respond a bit differently, it’s honestly a matter of trying a few and seeing what works for you,” she adds. Translation: What makes your best friend scream might make you shrug, and that’s totally normal.
Tomchesson recommends starting simple: “If you don’t know what you like, start with a pebble-shaped vibrator or compact wand that you can guide wherever you like on your body to explore both broad and pinpointed vibration on all of your erogenous zones.” In other words, your first vibrator doesn’t need to be fancy—it just needs to be fun.
As far as where to shop, what matters most is that your toy comes from a reputable company, says Engle. Opt for a specialized sex toy retailer instead of a big-bulk website, if you can swing it. And remember: “Toys should always be made of body-safe or medical-grade silicone,” she adds. Pro tip: USB-rechargeable vibes tend to last longer (and hit harder) than battery-powered ones.
Once you’ve got an idea, the fun part (although, let’s be honest, all parts of this process are fun) begins. It’s time to do a little shopping.
Bullet Vibrators
Maude Vibe Mini
We-Vibe Tango X
Presenting: The classic starter vibrator. It's small, bullet-shaped, and can fit discreetly pretty much anywhere. “Bullet vibrators provide a focused vibration in one specific area, so think about where you want to experience that sensation,” suggests sexual wellness educator Elise Schuster, founder of Okayso, a free app that connects anyone with questions about sex to experts.
Mintz adds that these toys are ideal for beginners because they offer “direct, pinpointed clitoral stimulation that helps you learn exactly what kind of pressure and rhythm you enjoy.” Her tip? Apply a bit of lube and experiment with placement—most people prefer the clitoral hood or nearby areas rather than direct contact with the glans.
How to Use a Bullet Vibrator
Using your hand, place the bullet vibrator somewhere externally—your clitoris, nipples, or anal opening, suggests Schuster. “Start out with a light pressure and listen to your body. If you feel like you need more, increase the pressure.” (For this, Howard recommends a bullet vibe with a finger strap or some kind of accessory to make it easier to hold.)
Pro Tip
If you’re coupled up, try using a bullet vibe with your SO. “These can be attached to special cock rings during partnered sex so that it stimulates the clitoris and vulva during penetration,” says sexuality coach Jennifer Doan. Alternatively, Howard suggests holding the bullet "under the chin while performing oral sex."
Wand Massagers
Lovehoney Mon Ami
Wand massagers are the OG sex toy that you’re probably already familiar with if you watch porn (or if you've seen that episode of Sex and the City). And though its exterior might look rather intimidating, trust that this sex toy is a fan-favorite for a reason. “The wand massager is a classic, unisex device that doubles as a body massager and self-pleasure device,” says certified sexologist and pleasure coach Tyomi Morgan. “The wand is ergonomically designed to curve around the body, and is either rechargeable or runs on outlet power.”
“Originally designed as body massagers, wands feature a broad head that covers much surface area, making it an ideal vibrator for not only stimulating the external clitoris but also the internal legs of the clitoris,” explains Tomchesson. “Wands offer direct clitoral or penis stimulation, full vulva or perineum massage, as well as full-body stimulation for warm up. Some also use them to relieve muscle tension.”
How to Use a Wand Massager
Wand massagers "can be used to massage on and around genitals for arousal," but if you want to build some foreplay into the mix, they can “also be used to help relax the muscles of any part of the body from tense shoulders to sore feet,” she adds.
Position is really the name of the game with a wand massager. You can choose to either lie down with your knees in butterfly position, or on all fours reaching back toward the clitoris, suggests Morgan. But if that's not really working for you, don't be afraid to get a little inventive! "Exploring new positions can expand your access to pleasure," says Howard, who recommends wireless wands to "give you room to play."
Pro Tip
All the experts agree: Wand massagers should be used with water-based lube (yes, it’s important to use lube—even when you’re masturbating!) to protect silicone material. And don't forget to take care of your vibrator. Morgan advises, “Just remember to give the device a rest every 15 minutes to prevent burnout.”
Wearable Vibrators
We-Vibe Moxie
Dame Eva Couples Vibe
These toys are, well, pretty much exactly what they sound like: vibrators you can wear. The variation of pulses, vibrations, and speeds can be controlled either through a downloadable app, physical remotes, or just manually depending on the style. These can sometimes help couples play together from a distance (ahem, all of you in LDRs), but they can also give you a bit more freedom during solo play. Vibrating panties also fall under this category.
According to one study, the majority of men actually find that using a vibrator with their partner increases intimacy and excitement, says Mintz, and that the novelty serves as a major turn-on once things get going.
How to Use a Wearable Vibrator
It depends on the type of wearable. Some wearable vibrators are meant to be inserted partially or completely (like egg vibrators), and others are made to turn any underwear into a pair of vibrating panties. Whatever type of wearable vibrator you're using, if you plan on being vertical, Howard recommends wearing tight underwear to make sure the toy stays in place. "Not only will that help keep the vibe in place and hold it to your body for maximum stimulation, it will also muffle the buzz so you can wear it discreetly almost anywhere," she says.
Pro Tip
If you have a thing for BDSM, try using these vibrators in a kinky Dom/sub role play, suggests Morgan. “The Dom holds the controls, and the sub wears the device, awaiting for the Dom to control their arousal and orgasmic peak.”
Suction Vibrators
These vibrations simulate a sensation of pulling and sucking—similar to how it may feel when someone goes down on you. “Suction vibrators can be really fun, but it’s all about getting it in the right position,” says Schuster. “You may need to play around with it a bit before you find the sweet spot.”
Mintz explains that these toys, often called “clit suckers,” work by placing the stimulator just above the clitoris to create rhythmic pulses of air or sonic waves. “They offer a unique kind of stimulation that many people describe as similar to oral sex,” she says. “Some love them, while others prefer more direct vibration—it’s totally individual.”
How to Use a Suction Vibrator
Place the hollowed hole attached to it directly over the clitoris, says Doan. The suction cup stimulates the area on and around the clitoris, so the toy doesn’t require a ton of pressure. Adjust the vibration level and intensity to your liking as you continue to play around with it. “You may find that you only need to hover the toy in place to get the desired effect,” says Doan.
Howard, however, has a different approach. "You'll have more fun if you explore the sides and top of the clitoris" before placing it directly over the clitoris. She also recommends using it on your/your partner's nipples.
Pro Tip
Use the autopilot mode, if the toy has one. “You can benefit from the heightened pleasure of unpredictability, but you also don’t have to think about adjusting it manually. It also uses smart technology so that the pleasure air doesn’t begin until you press it against your skin,” says Jess O'Reilly, PhD, resident sexologist for Astroglide. If the sensation is too strong, Howard recommends "putting a scarf between you and the accessory, or maybe even keeping your underwear on."
Dual-Massaging Vibrators
Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator
A dual-pronged, or “rabbit style” vibrator has two ends: one that inserts into the vagina and one that sits externally on top of the clitoris. “Typically, the shorter end stays outside the body, and the longer end sits inside,” says Doan.
Sure, rabbits might look a lil intimidating, but that’s because they’re doing a whole lot at once. “These toys provide simultaneous clitoral and vaginal stimulation,” adds Mintz. “They’re great for anyone who loves combining internal and external pleasure—and for people who want a more blended orgasmic experience.”
How to Use a Dual Massaging Vibrator
Generally, these toys work the magic themselves; it's getting them in the right position that's the hard part. "The space between the vaginal opening and the clitoris is different for everybody, and it's important to make sure that your vibe is in the right place for maximum pleasure," Howard says. Once you've positioned each part (the longer end inside of you, shorter end on your clitoris or vulva), set the speed and intensity you like, then hold it in your hand or try rocking and rotating it, says Schuster.
Pro Tip
Lube can (and will!) totally enhance this experience for you. But if the dual pressure is too much for you, stick to one type at a time instead of internal and external pressure simultaneously, says O'Reilly.
Internal Vibrators
The squishy, ridged area on the front wall of your vagina can feel really good when touched, and internal vibrators were created specifically to stimulate that area, says Doan. These toys are typically curved, have a long handle, and vibrate at the tip, not the base.
“Internal vibrators are designed to stimulate what’s often called the G-spot—but it’s really a larger area known as the Clitoral-Urethral-Vaginal Complex, or CUV complex,” explains Mintz. “That region contains parts of the clitoris, the urethral sponge, and the vaginal wall, which is why curved or angled vibrators can feel so intensely pleasurable.”
How to Use an Internal Vibrator
Insert the vibrator inside of you and make sure the curved part is angled toward the belly button. “You can rock it, twist it, slide it in and out, or whatever feels good,” says Schuster. Howard adds that once the vibrator is hitting the right spot, "close your legs and cross your ankles for hands-free fun."
Pro Tip
“This kind of stimulation can feel like a large amount of pressure building up inside you and the pressing need to urinate. If you relax into those feelings, both orgasm and squirting is a possibility,” says Doan. Just remember, if you're playing with a toy that might cause squirting, keep a folded towel handy. "Extra points for a puppy pad or splash blanket," Howard adds.
Anal Vibrators
Smile Makers The Neighbour
b-Vibe Vibrating Rimming Butt Plug
If you’re butt-curious, a vibrating plug can take things from “hm, interesting” to “oh, that’s why people love this.” These toys are designed for slow, controlled insertion and deep, rumbly pleasure—not pain—so patience (and lube) are your new BFFs. They’re also great for warming up the body before anal sex or adding extra stimulation during any kind of play.
How to Use an Anal Vibrator
Insert the flared base gently by using a water-based lube or silicone-based lube (just not with toys made of silicone!). “The flared base ensures it stays in place comfortably, and the spirals on its neck makes removal easy after extended play,” says Morgan. If the pressure is too much, start with your fingers and build up to the toy. "Don't be overzealous when deciding on what size plug to buy," Howard says. "Start small and work your way up." She also recommends using a remote controlled vibe so you don't have to worry about setting it before you insert.
Pro Tip
For anal vibes, Howard likes to use a jelly lubricant instead of a regular liquid. "Jelly helps conduct the rumble and keep the butt plug in place," she explains.
Another pro tip: Don't forget to clean! “Use antibacterial toy cleaner or soap after play,” says Morgan, and remember: Do. Not. Double. Dip. What goes in the anal area should not be put anywhere vaginally, or else you could be at risk for UTIs or other annoying vaginal pains like yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis.
Cock Rings
Cock rings are like the multitaskers of the sex toy world—they can make erections harder, orgasms stronger, and partnered sex way more stimulating for everyone involved. Mintz notes that vibrators designed for couples, like wearable rings, “can enhance intimacy because partners have to talk about how they’ll use them—and that conversation alone can boost excitement.”
How to Use a Cock Ring
Cock rings can do more than help maintain erections (by slowing down blood flow to the penis, which can make for longer, stronger erections). “These toys create a unique sensation for people with penises that is unlike using other sex toys,” says Engle. They often come with a buzzy raised base that can help vulva-owners with clitoral stimulation during penetration, and can help people with erectile issues feel more confident during sex. “If we’re less worried about staying hard, we’re more easily able to stay hard,” says Engle.
Pro Tip
Engle suggests using a high-quality water-based lube to help with comfort, placement, and ease of removal. Also, keep an eye on the time. “Don’t use a cock ring for more than 15 minutes or so, because you don’t want to restrict blood flow to any part of the body for extended periods of time,” she says. “If anything feels painful or numb, remove the ring as soon as possible.” Go for a fit that’s snug, but not too tight. Pleasure is the motive, not discomfort.
Cleaning Your Vibrators
Not cleaning your toys means you risk shortening your vibrator’s shelf life, and, more importantly, you risk coming into contact with built-up bacteria. No thanks!
Engle recommends cleaning your sex toys after each and every use. “You can use soap and water, or even better, a sex toy cleaner such as Lelo’s,” adds Mintz. “After cleaning, the toys should be stored individually—ideally in the pouch they came in or a plastic bag—because toys can harbor bacteria if they touch one another.” A little care now saves you from irritation, infection, or an awkward gyno chat later.
But if you’re feeling lazy, Engle says you *can* use a vibrator over a blanket, underwear, or clothes externally on the clit. This allows you to skip as frequent cleanings since it’s not coming in contact with bodily fluids or skin. But if you do decide to use that toy with a partner, give it a good clean first. Bottom line? Treat your vibrator like your toothbrush—clean it, dry it, and don’t share it.
Finding your perfect vibe is part science, part self-discovery, and 100 percent worth it. So plug it in, charge it up, and get ready to meet your new favorite hobby.
Meet the Experts
- Tyomi Morgan is a certified sexologist, pleasure coach, and intimacy coordinator. She is the founder of the Cowgirl Workout and the sex education blog Glamerotica101.
- Goody Howard is a sex educator and sexologist. She holds sexual education workshops, called RIDEology, with the aim of expanding society's understanding of sexuality and health, and dishes out tips and tidbits on her website, AskGoody.com.
- Elise Schuster, MPH, is a sexuality educator and co-founder of Okayso, a personal Q&A app with experts specializing in sexuality, identity, and sex.
- Jennifer Doan is a sexuality coach and former host of the Taking Back Slut podcast.
- Gigi Engle is a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and sex expert at the LGBTQIA+ dating app, Taimi.
- Jess O'Reilly, PhD, is an award-winning sex and relationship expert, the founder of Happier Couples Inc., and the resident sexologist for Astroglide.
- Laurie Mintz, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, LELO sexpert, and the author of Becoming Cliterate.
- Sarah Tomchesson, a certified sex educator and Magic Wand’s director of marketing.
