Want to connect deeply with your partner in a whole new way? Behold: the lotus sex position. The lotus, aka Yab Yum, is an ancient Tantric tradition, and literal millennia later, it’s still the go-to position for people looking to take their sexual connection to a whole new level.
The lotus is part sex position, part spiritual practice, and you can combine those two aspects however you please. “It’s a great option for folks looking to explore different ways of engaging in sex with less penetration and more intimacy,” says Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd, an AASECT and ABS-Certified Sex Educator. “If you want to be more intentional and present during sex, Lotus is a good position to explore.”
To start, sit facing each other with one of you sitting on the other’s lap. Wrap your arms and legs and around each other. “Start by breathing in sync as you gaze into one another’s eyes,” says ASTROGLIDE’s resident sexologist, Jess O’Reilly, PhD. If that’s as far as you want to take it, you can just linger there in your connected state. “It’s a wonderful position to just practice eye-gazing, syncing your breath, or passionate kissing,” says sex expert and psychologist Jenn Gunsaullus, PhD.
If you prefer more physical pleasure, you can grind against each other, stroke each other with your hands, or opt for penetration. Whatever you do, the idea is to do it slowly and mindfully. “If you slow down, you’ll tune into and discover new sensations (sound, touch, taste, sight, temperature), and this can heighten pleasure and connection,” says O’Reilly.
With all that eye-gazing and connection, the lotus can be intense, so go ahead and adjust as you please. “If you’re someone who needs additional stimulation to stay focused, consider putting on instrumental music at a low volume and adjusting the lights to be lower and more comfortable so as not to distract,” says Frye-Nekrasova. If the eye contact is too much, skip it. Feeling each other’s heartbeats and breaths can be intimate in a different—but just as good—way. “You don’t get points (or pleasure) for being a purist,” says O’Reilly.
How to Incorporate Sex Toys
If you like more stimulation, you can enhance the lotus with sex toys. Try vibrating toys, since there’s not a ton of deep thrusting, says founder of Austin Concierge Therapy, Sara Sloan, LMFT, CST, an AASECT-certified marriage and family therapist and certified Imago therapist. “The vibration helps add to the intensity of the physical experience, which increases the mental and emotional one.” She recommends a powerful wand vibrator like a Doxy, the Magic Wand for vulvas, and vibrating penis rings for penises.
F0r added stimulation, you can try nipple rings and butt plugs, or opt for something that can increase comfort and support, like a pillow beneath your backside or the headboard for support. Incorporate toys or lube to heighten sensation, or play with sensory options (like blindfolds, ice cubes, silk scarves, or warm water) to change things up, recommends O’Reilly.
Ready to go deeper than ever? Here are some ideas to get you two headed toward that higher plane of pleasure.
1. The OG Lotus
Your partner sits on a flat surface with their legs crossed. Facing your partner, sit on their lap, get as close as you can, and wrap your legs around their torso. Then, your partner tucks their legs under you. Wrap your arms around each other and feel your chests melt together. (Pro tip: This position works best if you put the stronger person on the bottom.)
2. Rocking Lotus
Get an even more intimate vibe going by holding each other very close and adding a gentle rocking motion. Rock together or take turns controlling the motion. Heighten the feelings of connection and passion with moans, heavy breathing, or some whispered words of love or dirty talk.
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3. Take the W
If all that skin-to-skin contact gets you to a point where you really need to cum (like, ASAP), move apart a little and hook your legs over each other’s so you’re forming sort of a W shape. From here, you can masturbate together, masturbate each other, throw down with dueling toys, or whatever else will get you there—it’s up to you and your now deeply-connected-souls (and groins).
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4. Lone Lotus
If you’re solo, you can still embrace sensual mindfulness via the Lotus Life Meditation, a practice developed by certified somatic sex educator Pamela Madsen, founder of Back to the Body. Cup your vulva with your hand and rock back and forth, immersing yourself in the sensations and noticing any feelings that come up, physically and mentally. Cum or don’t come, this is between you and your vulva and the Universe.
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5. Office Chair Yab Yum
If flexibility is complicated for either partner, try doing the lotus in an office chair. One partner sits in a chair, the other sits facing them with their feet on the floor to control the grinding motion. Each person places their hand over the other person’s heart, and you can use the free hand to hold your partner’s neck or a Wand vibrator, says Sloan. Maintain eye contact to strengthen the connection.
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6. Yab Bum
The lotus works as an anal position too. Just have the person on top lean back a little to give the penetrating partner a better angle of entry and more access to stroke the top person’s penis/vulva. And don’t forget the lube!
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7. The Double Yum
If you want some extra clitoral stimulation, lean back onto your hands to open up your body. Encourage your partner to use their finger to stimulate your clitoris or try a bullet vibrator to make it extra spicy. This is also good if all the eye gazing is becoming a little too intense for either of you.
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8. The Face Time
“You can assume this position without penetration, simply for the pleasure of being close and enjoying one another’s bodies,” says O’Reilly. In this variation, focus on caressing each other’s faces. “The thin skin on your cheeks can be highly sensitive (and erogenous). If you’ve ever felt an orgasm tingle through your face, you know how sensitive it can be, so take some time to touch one another gently and sensually.” If you decide you want to take it further, grind against each other and/or bust out a wand vibrator for some outercourse.
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