AI is having a sexual awakening and we’re all living through it. While the technology has been gradually making its way into various parts of everyday life for the past few years, last summer marked its official entry into our sex lives—the Summer AI Turned Sexy, if you will.
Seemingly overnight, reports of people getting intimate with AI dominated the discourse. In addition to the news that people were forging full-fledged romantic relationships with AI boyfriends and girlfriends, headlines warned parents that teens were sexting with AI bots, Reddit posts detailed the discovery of husbands sexting AI mistresses, and the Kinsey Institute conducted an entire study to determine whether sexting with an AI lover counts as cheating on a human one. (Per the study, 32 percent of people say it does.)
Clearly, AI sexting is a thing. But what exactly does that thing entail and why are people doing it? Should we all be doing it? Is it even safe?
To answer these questions for those of us still sexting other humans, I reached out to some leading sex experts to get the rundown on the rise of AI sexting, from what it is to why it’s happening to what kind of risks are involved—because surely there must be risks involved.
So whether you’re considering incorporating AI into your own sext life or just staring in silent horror as AI infiltrates even the most intimate parts of human interaction, here’s a brief guide to the state of sexting in the age of AI.
How Are People Using AI to Sext?
Does AI sexting mean sexting with AI directly? Or are people using AI to draft sexts they plan to send to other humans the same way they use ChatGPT to write emails?
According to sex educator Sarah Tomchesson, marketing director at Magic Wand, the answer is both. While some people are essentially using AI as “a low-stakes rehearsal space” to hone their sexting craft for the benefit of human sext partners, others are using it as a substitute for human sexual interaction.
Reports of human-on-bot sexting may grab more headlines, but sex therapist Casey Tanner, a sexpert for Lelo, says most people probably aren’t sexting with AI bots directly. According to Tanner, AI is primarily being used as a “behind-the-scenes tool” to enhance sexting between humans rather than replace it.
Data from a recent Lelo report found that 60 percent of respondents had used AI in their intimate lives in some capacity, and 18 percent had sent an AI-written text as their own. But for most, “it isn’t about finding a substitute for a partner,” says Tanner. “It’s about finding the right words, building confidence, or testing ideas they might not feel ready to share face-to-face.”
Why Are People Sexting With AI?
Generally speaking, you might say that people are sexting with AI because, of course, they are. Throughout history, sex has always driven the creation of new technology and that new technology has, in turn, bred new ways of engaging sexually with it, notes psychologist Michelle Drouin, PhD author of Out of Touch: How to Survive an Intimacy Famine. In other words, give humanity a new form of tech, and we’ll find a way to use it for sex more or less immediately.
As for the rise of AI sexting, specifically, it seems people may be drawn to AI’s ability to mimic real sexual interaction without the risk of rejection or embarrassment that comes with actually interacting with another human.
“We’re seeing people use AI as a kind of scaffolding—a way to explore new sexual experiences and identities with a reduced fear of being rejected or getting it ‘wrong,’” says Tanner. “People turn to AI because sexual communication can feel vulnerable or high stakes.”
Tomchesson compares sexting with AI to sexting with training wheels, which people may use to “learn the language that turns them on, build confidence, and explore fantasies in a low-stakes context.”
However, while using AI as sexting training wheels may be an effective means of reducing rejection, that isn’t necessarily a good thing.
Tanner notes that many sex and relationship therapists, herself included, see value in exploring and experimenting with other humans, braving the risks that come with it, and building up tolerance for rejection. While AI may provide a safe space for users to develop sexual skills, it can also fuel avoidance, isolation, and overreliance on AI, ultimately stunting and eroding sexual exploration rather than supporting it.
“The risk is that you rely on AI rather than developing your own skills and erotic imagination,” says Tomchesson. ”Tech should amplify erotic exploration, not override it. When AI becomes the only tool in your sexual tool kit, your capacity for intimacy can shrink.”
Is AI Sexting Safe?
To be clear, I am no cybersecurity expert, so if you’re looking for an informed breakdown of the specific risks associated with AI and the discourse surrounding them, look elsewhere. That said, I think it’s safe to assume there are many reasons to be wary of any new, largely unregulated, and quickly evolving form of technology, especially when combining it with something as fraught and nuanced as human sexuality.
Tanner says potential risks of using AI for sexting include concerns about privacy and data security, questions about consent, environmental impact, and mental health. Tomchesson adds that data shared with AI is not protected, so users should avoid sharing sensitive information.
But the more pressing concern—at least for the purposes of this article—are the risks AI may pose to human sexuality on both a personal and societal level.
“Adopting new technologies without guardrails comes with risk,” says Tomchesson, who says AI use crosses into risky territory when it becomes more about replacing rather than enhancing human interaction.
“AI is a tool for exploration, language, and reflection—not a reciprocal being. If you find that engaging with AI is mostly a distraction, dissociative, or starts to prevent you from initiating human connection, pull back.” she says. “AI can fill a void, but at a cost.”
