As Taylor Swift once said, “’Tis the damn season”—by which I mean cuffing season, to be specific. And speaking of “’Tis the Damn Season,” ’tis also the damn season to go home for the holidays and rekindle a potentially risky flame with an ex.
As it turns out, this relatable if not necessarily advisable experience that Taylor immortalized on Evermore actually has a name: “winter coating.”
Like “sledging” (cuffing someone with the intention of breaking up by spring), winter coating is considered a variant of cuffing—one that isn’t necessarily reflective of cuffing season best practices and may or may not be downright toxic. But as we’ve previously discussed, few things are really ever as simple as good or bad, toxic or non-toxic when it comes to anything involving love and dating.
The way I see it, reaching out to an ex may not be the wisest move you can make for your love life this holiday season, but that doesn’t necessarily make winter coating inherently toxic. As with sledging, context and intent need to be considered when assessing the potential toxicity of any given winter coating situation.
Per my preliminary analysis, it seems the potential concerns re: winter coating are twofold. First, there’s the usual risks that always come with getting back together with an ex: namely, the question of whether you really want to be with them or just don’t want to be alone, whether it’s love or just nostalgia, whether they’re really “the one” or you’re just settling for something that feels comfortable.
And then, of course, there’s the not terribly unlikely possibility that when you rekindle that flame, it will blow up in your face and ultimately end up re-opening old wounds, undoing whatever post-breakup recovery progress you’d previously made, and leaving you both in worse shape than you found each other.
Then there are the cuffing season-specific risks that are unique to winter coating itself. Essentially, what makes winter coating an arguably bad-faith bastardization of traditional cuffing is the assumption that you’re only reaching out to your ex because you’re bored in your hometown or you don’t want to be alone for the holidays or you want someone warm to cuddle with for the winter, not because you genuinely want to be in a real relationship with them. There may also be an element of sledging involved if, unbeknownst to your ex, you only see this rekindled romance as a short-term thing and plan to vanish like the Ghost of Relationships Past before Valentine’s Day.
Overall, I’d say my professional opinion re: winter coating boils down to more or less the same advice I’ll always give when it comes to getting back together with an ex: When in doubt, don’t.
If, however, you and your ex are both on board for a short-term seasonal fling, are aware of and agree to the terms, and are willing to accept the significant risk of a messy, emotionally devastating fallout—no matter how sure you are that you can keep it casual and no one will get hurt—then I don’t think winter coating is inherently harmful.
Do I think someone (or possibly everyone) is probably still going to get hurt one way or another? Yes, for sure. But that’s life. After all, ’tis indeed the damn season, and who am I to stop anyone from embracing their Evermore era? So if that road not taken is looking real good now, zip up that winter coat and call ’em babe for the weekend.
If you liked this story, you’ll LOVE “Love, Willa,” Cosmo’s relationships newsletter. This weekly send from editor-in-chief Willa Bennett is a special place where we navigate the wild terrain of modern love together—whether you’re cuffed, ghosted, heartbroken, or thriving. Sign up here.
