A few weeks ago, when I asked whether cuffing season might be a little toxic, I was unaware that cuffing actually already has an evil twin. Enter: “Sledging.” A more specific (and more specifically toxic) variant of cuffing, sledging refers to getting into a cuffing season relationship with the intention of breaking things off at the end of winter.
While there’s nothing wrong with a short-team seasonal fling, the toxicity comes into play due to the fact that the other person—the one “getting sledged”—has not been made aware that this romance has an expiration date, at least not in any clearly communicated, agreed-upon terms.
The name itself comes from the act of dragging a literal “sledge” (British for sled, I believe), through the snow, the implication being that the sledger is just dragging you along/leading you on through the winter, with little to no intention of actually trying to forge a meaningful relationship and possibly every intention of being single by summer.
While some (including myself), may have been under the impression that cuffing season relationships have always (or at least primarily) been ones that begin in the fall/winter and end around spring/summer, it seems a key distinction between cuffing and sledging is that a true cuffing scenario is an open-ended romance that may progress into a long-term relationship that extends beyond the winter months. While a cuffing season relationship may organically end before summer, the distinction from sledging comes down to intent. If the (undisclosed) plan all along was to simply cuff someone for a few months so you don’t have to be alone for the holidays/bored all winter and then dump them in time for a single and slutty summer, that’s not cuffing in good faith; it’s sledging.
Of course, intent is a difficult thing to prove and sometimes even a difficult thing to identify, even when that intent is your own and especially when it involves something as nuanced and emotionally fraught as dating and relationships. Which is to say: Is anyone out here actually getting into cuffing season relationships with the active, premeditated intention of breaking up within a couple of months and hiding that fact from the person they’re dating? Perhaps! And in that case, yes, sledging is not just toxic but downright malicious. But I’d be willing to bet that most instances of sledging are not actually as sadistic as the brass tacks definition suggests.
I’d argue that in most cases, the person who thinks an act of sledging has taken place is not the sledger themselves but the one getting sledged. In other words, I suspect the person actually doing the sledging probably isn’t even aware they’re doing it, at least not fully. As I understand it, sledging is essentially just a seasonally specific situationship. And in a situationship, the only person calling it a situationship is usually the more emotionally invested party who wants more than they’re getting out of it and feels led on as a result. The other person just thinks they’re “dating” or “just hanging out.” In sledging terms, the person who was hoping this cuffing season ’ship was going to turn into a long-term relationship may say they got sledged, while the sledger themselves thinks they just ended a fling that had run its course.
This is not to defend either sledging or situationships, nor to argue that ignorance (willful or otherwise) of the fact that the person you’re dating wants more than you can or want to give them is an excuse for cruel or careless behavior. Rather, I’m simply saying that dating is complicated and rarely as simple as one good person falling victim to a bad actor’s malicious intent. Yes, it’s much easier to simply label something “toxic” and call it a day. But the annoying reality is that sledging and situationships are ultimately less the result of active cruelty on the part of one person than poor communication and avoidance—on both sides.
So whether you fear you’re getting sledged this winter or just realized you may be the sledger yourself, the solution is to simply be honest with the person you’re dating about your feelings, how you view the current state of the relationship, and your expectations for the future. Easier said than done, I know! But to paraphrase Taylor Swift, cuffing season is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right. So let’s all do our best to cuff in good faith this winter.
