It’s around 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving. You’ve just weathered through an awkward dinner table debate with your uncle about his Andrew Tate obsession. You’re still recovering from a high-stress morning that saw your aunt citing your poor onion-dicing skills as the reason you’ll never get married, or had your youngest cousin beating 6-7 jokes to death. The whole day has worn you down and made you temporarily regress to your 17-year-old emotional state. And the only viable path to relief is to detach from the real world entirely and scroll through your phone for some quick dopamine hits.
Then suddenly, it finds you: a “Happy Thanksgiving” message from your most malignant ex-partner/hookup/really intense three-month situationship, who logic would have advised you to block (or mute and regularly stalk at the very least). It’s some variation of a sycophantic ode, full of praise, reflecting on how grateful they were to have you in their life, and using the holiday as a reason to reconnect. Maybe they’re offering the grateful, sentimental treatment you wish they’d adopted while you were actually involved (very cool and funny how that works).
But they’ve caught you on a reflective day—one on which your walls are down, thanks to the extremely vulnerable state that quality time spent with family puts us in. You could’ve sworn to go strictly no contact with this person immediately post-breakup, or gradually found the will to let communication peter out months ago—but suddenly here they are again on your phone, reminding you they exist and resuscitating relationship nostalgia you’d long recovered from.
Even if you’ve never personally been a target of this particular brand of manipulation, it’s prevalent enough to be referenced in an annual meme. One that's popped up every year since ~2019. It’s a photo of the rapper Future (a known player who’s made a living off branding himself as such), paired with some comically manipulative text wishing a former flame happy holidays. It’s cemented the “Happy Thanksgiving” text from your toxic ex as a tradition as time-honored as stuffed turkey and the Macy’s Parade. And today, the format is used to mock exes who exploit any given holiday or global event as an opportunity to weasel back into your consciousness.
There’s a reason you're more inclined to respond to these bids on holidays than you would be on the day prior. Lindsey Brock, a North Carolina-based breakup therapist, says it’s because they take advantage of the deep-seated universal desire for a Hallmark movie–worthy holiday season.
“It feels great to be partnered, and the magic of the holidays can feel magnified when you’re sharing it with someone special. Nostalgia is mostly to blame, but we can also point to the romanticization of holidays, cuffing season, and the fact that a lot of people break up at the end of summer. Come holiday time, the summer fling that ended not too long ago can be an easy target to make for a quick romance,” she explains.
But she warns, “I often see folks reach out to an ex before a holiday, only to see the connection have a false start or fizzle out.” The outreach is motivated by the season’s expectations and obligations. “People like the idea of being with someone around the holiday to stave off loneliness, isolation, or questions from well-meaning relatives about their relationship status, but they don’t want the commitment that a relationship brings. Like meeting families, spending money, exchanging gifts, or otherwise feeling pressure to do relationship-y things. That could also explain why there are so many breakups around this time, too!”
Should you want to avoid rekindling contact with someone who’s crawled in from your past, Lindsey says emotional preparation is the best survival tactic. “If you wouldn’t put it past your ex to succumb to some nostalgia, make a plan beforehand about how you want to handle the outreach,” she advises. “When you are in your most grounded headspace, ask yourself if reconnecting is actually good for you long term. If it’s not, make a plan ahead of time to honor your ‘no’ so you don’t get caught up in the feel-good hormones.” To protect your peace, she suggests enlisting a friend to help you stay the no-contact course, detaching from your phone as much as possible, and focusing on being present with people who make you feel great (even if that means calling/texting friends who are also dealing with chaotic family situations).
As the Future meme (that may never die out) defrosts, prepare yourself with the tools to ensure you don't fall victim to similar treachery. The image of the rapper might be so popular that I crave mashed potatoes whenever I see it (I think they call this a Pavlovian response), but it doesn’t have to represent your reality. “Sometimes, leaving someone on read is the best thing we can do for ourselves,” Lindsey says. “There’s no obligation to entertain unsolicited outreach, especially if interacting with your ex might ruin your cozy holiday or steal your joy.”
