Of all the overused slogans that dominate dating app profiles (“Must love dogs,” “6'1", if it matters”), recent pleas for “chalance” now reign supreme. The term (an antonym for “nonchalance” that doesn’t appear in the English dictionary) has become a bit of playful shorthand for daters who want to make it abundantly clear that they want serious commitment and genuine effort in a partner, not the afterthought treatment. In advertising that they’re seeking chalance, singles are making it known that they’re looking for the opposite of someone who’s nonchalant (AKA: indifferent, apathetic, casual) about dating. Basically, to date with chalance is to be unabashedly, enthusiastically all-in on someone and not afraid to show it.
The trending term has swiftly cemented itself in the slang lexicon, with a recent Hinge report citing a 217 percent increase in search interest for “chalant” in 2025.
While chalance has taken over the apps, the concept isn’t exclusive to the dating world. On social media, the term sometimes functions as a kinder way to identify over-the-top or “try-hard” behavior, such as overanalyzing casual interactions or freely expressing emotions in public. If a chalant person finds something exciting, they’ll show it—instead of pretending to be immune to the human condition of giddiness.
Similarly, in dating and relationships, chalance means being honest about your feelings and acting on them to show you care. A chalant partner replies to texts quickly, remembers your favorite restaurants (and books tables there), and makes your favorite soup when you’re sick. Hence why you’ll see plenty of calls for “someone who’ll chalant me down” across TikTok and dating apps.
“Effort is having a moment,” says Moe Ari Brown a relationship expert for Hinge, adding that for many daters (especially women who date men), putting in effort has become a love language of its own. Per the Hinge report, 84 percent of women find a well-planned date more impressive than a pricey one. According to Brown, it’s no coincidence that the rise of “chalance”—which basically just translates to intention and care—coincides with this increased desire for effort in dating.
“In this day and age, chalancing somebody means planning an activity date, or making specific plans without the other person having to co-create them,” says Brown. “I would also say it’s about listening to what’s actually valuable to the other person. Chalance is tailored to the relationship; it’s not about showing effort in every direction—it’s about a unique, authentic dating experience.”
While the term may be relatively new, “chalant” behavior seems to align with more or less timeless keys to a healthy relationship: effort, listening, and consideration. Which is to say that voicing a desire for chalance in a partner is less about hopping on a trendy buzzword than simply wanting the kind of baseline care and attention that should honestly be the standard.
“[The term] is a placeholder for behaviors that we want to see without having the language for it,” says Brown. And when we don’t have the language to say what we feel, it can create a barrier to intimacy.” That’s why, as a professional, Brown welcomes terms like chalance.
But if you’re involved with someone deeply nonchalant—as in, someone who isn’t as attentive, communicative, or otherwise chalant as you’d like—sometimes the most chalant thing you can do is be open about your own desire for chalance.
“If you desire more effort, just have the conversation,” Brown suggests, adding that positive reinforcement will likely be more effective than attempting to force the chalance out of someone. “Express positives—like, ‘I love when you plan dates, I’d love to do that more.’ Most of the time, people respond well to positive feedback.”
If your partner seems open to these conversations and shows more effort as you communicate, there’s room to evolve together. But if they insist they’re not being nonchalant, the relationship may be a mismatch.
“Watch and see if you notice your partner’s behavior changing,” Brown advises. “You have to ask yourself, ‘Does this feel good for me and align with who I’m becoming?’ If that checks out, stay.” Otherwise, you’ll know it’s time to move on.
Ultimately, chalance is more than a TikTok trend or a bit of Gen Z slang. Call me overly optimistic, but the age of chalance seems to signal a positive shift in modern dating culture. After years of emotional investment in relationships being treated as embarrassing, too vulnerable, or—dare I say—even “cringe,” people are done playing it cool and are actively seeking partners who are willing to love out loud. As silly as “chalance” might sound, it marks a new era of dating in which we’re unafraid to be down bad and damn proud. If effort is “having a moment,” let’s hope it’s a lasting one.
