As one of your loyal Cosmo sex and relationships editors, I’ve given you my take on many a TikTok dating trend. And while a lot of them, like “Shrekking,” are pretty clearly toxic, others leave a bit more room for nuance. Enter: “zip coding,” the latest dating trend to make its way from TikTok to my desk.
From what I’ve gathered, zip coding can refer to either of two things: 1) Restricting your location range on dating apps to a very small radius/only dating people who live very close (i.e., within the same zip code as you); or 2) Having a location-dependent relationship in which you’re only “together” with someone when you’re in the same zip code and consider yourself single when you’re apart. For example, a college couple who consider themselves monogamously partnered when they’re on campus but single when they go back to their respective hometowns for break.
While I can certainly see how zip coding (particularly the latter use) has the potential to get messy, I’ll be honest—none of this seems like an immediate hard no to me in terms of acceptable dating behavior…with some obvious caveats, of course. Allow me to weigh the pros and cons of each version of zip coding below.
Zip Coding: Restricting Your Dating Pool to a Small Location Range
Okay, let’s start with the most basic form of zip coding—keeping your location range tight on dating apps and/or otherwise only dating people who live close to you, literally or (I’m guessing, at least in some cases) figuratively. While I’ve seen some dating experts warn against this on the grounds that it’s overly picky and contributes to a “rules-based” culture of modern dating that only limits your options, I can actually see the value in keeping your romantic prospects relatively close to home.
For one thing, while the wider pool of potential matches that dating apps offer can be a huge plus, it can also contribute to decision paralysis, swipe-fatigue, and the illusion of limitless options, which can make it hard to go all in on one connection. Limiting your dating pool isn’t picky; it’s smart, and doing it based on location seems like one of the easiest, most sensible ways to go about it.
While some dating experts caution against getting too hung up convenience-based dating, the simple fact of the matter is it’s going to be a lot easier to see someone regularly and forge and maintain a connection with them if you live near each other. Literally restricting your dating range to your exact zip code may be a bit extreme (especially if you don’t live in a particularly populated area), but IDK, I think it makes sense to prioritize matches with people who live within a reasonable distance of you!
Where I can see this getting a bit more problematic is when the “zip code” of it all is less about distance than status. For example, if someone only wants to date people who live in wealthy or trendy neighborhoods. In this case, zip-coding is a little picky (not to mention douchey). That said, as a New Yorker who’s been dating in the city for years now, I can’t deny that neighborhood dating discourse is a very real thing—and if I’m being totally honest, I can’t say that neighborhood is a totally negligible factor when it comes to vetting a prospective match. Your neighborhood says a lot about you, and you’re probably likely to have more in common with someone who lives in the same nabe or a vibes-adjacent one. Now, as an Astoria, Queens–dweller myself, am I in any position to talk down on inter-borough dating? Of course not. But am I saying that even I wouldn’t date someone in Jersey City? No comment.
TL;DR: Can this brand of zip coding potentially veer into some snobby territory? Yes. But frankly, I can see the benefits.
Zip Coding: A Location-Dependent Relationship
Okay, here’s where zip coding potentially gets a little more dicey. Obviously, the idea of a relationship that’s only a relationship when you’re in the same area has the potential to get messy in many ways.
But hear me out: This version of zip coding is actually similar to a certain kind of ethical non-monogamy practiced by some couples in open relationships. Basically, when they’re together, they function as a typical monogamous couple. But if one partner is traveling or they’re otherwise separated, they’re free to hook up with and/or date other people. So I think as long as everyone involved in a zip-coded relationship is aware of the terms, then it’s totally fine. In fact, I can even see this being a practical alternative to long-distance relationships—at least in the short term. Can this kind of agreement definitely still get complicated in a “We were on a break!” sense? For sure! But as a concept, I don’t think it’s inherently toxic.
Where this obviously crosses a HUGE line, however, is if one partner considers their relationship status zip code–dependent while the other is under the impression they are, in fact, in a full-time relationship regardless of proximity to their partner. That’s not zip coding—that is just cheating!
So as far as TikTok dating trends go, I’m gonna go ahead and rule zip coding neutral...with a moderate to high potential for toxicity. Date safe out there!
