For 60 years, Cosmopolitan has been here for you—and your mom and her mom and her mom—on all things love and relationships. As times have changed, so has the advice we give, but one thing remains the same: We’re committed to helping you figure out who you are and what you love. So our editor-in-chief, Willa Bennett, is here to respond to your latest questions about it all. Here’s what’s been on your minds lately.
How do you define a casual relationship these days?
It can mean something different to everyone, but generally speaking, a casual relationship is a conscious choice to connect in the present moment, without assuming things have to lead to a traditional endpoint like exclusivity or marriage. (It is not a loophole for bad behavior, games, or emotional distance.) The most important thing is communication. Maybe to you and whoever you’re with, casual means hot sex but no sleepovers. Or intimacy but staying off each other’s social media. Or seeing each other but also other people. There is no universal rule book, but clarity is key.
Why don’t men ask questions on dates? It’s an epidemic!
It’s actually a reflection of societal conditioning, which undervalues leading with curiosity—the exact opposite of what you want on a date. That said, the best dates aren’t like job interviews either; they’re engaged conversations. When you ask someone a real question—one that signals “I see you and I want to know more”—you open the door to intimacy. So if someone is not asking you anything, call that out! But also model what curiosity looks like by pausing your own questions to say, “I’ve been doing a lot of the talking— what about you?”
Any tips for exploring my sexuality as a butch-presenting person?
Finding peace with your body and how you move through the world is a powerful place to begin. Articulate what feels comfortable—your pronouns, your clothes, your haircut—and build from there. Then think about the types of connection you want (emotional, physical, romantic) and give yourself permission to be curious without judgment. Read queer authors. Go to queer events. There’s something grounding about shared experience, especially in a world that often tries to flatten sexualities into a single narrative.
Why would someone ghost me after a perfect date that included kissing and making future plans?
Ghosting reflects the other person’s inability to communicate their feelings. Don’t take it personally: Getting ghosted says a lot less about you and a lot more about their emotional immaturity.
Is it possible to fall more and more in love with your spouse every day?
Absolutely. Love can deepen with shared experiences as you overcome challenges and pursue dreams together. It’s not always fireworks either. Sometimes it’s watching Survivor on the couch or a reassuring hand on your back at a party.
What’s your idea of a perfect date?
Nothing too fancy. I love a glass of orange wine and a nice conversation in the evening or a walk and coffee on a Sunday morning. The perfect date, for me, is less about where we go and more about how we feel. Do we laugh easily? Is there flirting? Is there mutual respect? Can we sit in silence? That’s what makes me want a second date.
Why don’t I ever know when it’s time to walk away?
We tend to hold on to hope and good memories and to fear the unknown. But when staying in a bad relationship means stifling your own growth, it’s usually time to choose yourself. Try to tap into your intuition; it often senses a disconnect before your mind acknowledges it. The rest of your body can also send up red flags—we wrote an entire story about this!
How do I publicly love my girlfriend when I’m shy about being openly queer?
Your love is valid, whether it’s shouted from the rooftops or whispered in a corner booth at a bar. What matters most is that you both know where you stand, but if it’s important to you to share your love with the rest of the world, start with small acts—holding hands, talking about her to a coworker, saying the word “partner” out loud to close friends. Set your own pace based on what makes you both feel safe and seen.
What do you do if you can’t stop missing the way you felt with your ex?
Acknowledge the feeling, but recognize that a sense of longing doesn’t mean you should rekindle the relationship. You broke up for a reason. And keep in mind that you can miss what was while also seeking out new experiences that might evoke even bigger, better feelings.
Have a question about love for Willa? Send it to AskWilla@cosmopolitan.com. And be sure to check out her love and relationships newsletter, Love, Willa here.
