If you are a chronically single woman who loves pearls, you may think those two things are unrelated—but you would be wrong. Or at least according to TikTok’s latest dating theory, that is. Per the “pearl earring theory,” women with a passion for pearls may be inadvertently scaring off prospective male suitors. Why? Because apparently pearls read as “expensive” and “high-maintenance” to the male subconscious, which subsequently finds itself threatened by your studs from the sea.
It’s important to note that, like most TikTok dating theories, this one does not appear to be backed by data, science, logic, history, religion, witchcraft, or really anything other than anecdotal observation run viral. It is also important to note that, while the origins of the theory are unclear, news of this supposed male aversion to pearls does not generally seem to be coming from men themselves but rather from women who have discovered their Charlotte York-core taste in jewelry could be to blame for their lackluster dating lives.
Another key thing to point out here is that—again, like most TikTok dating theories, this one isn’t all that deep. Most TikTokers engaging with the trend seem to be doing so pretty light-heartedly; I don’t think anyone is actually out here telling single gals to pawn their pearls so they can finally lock down a man. Still, I’d be remiss in my coverage if I didn’t say I smell misogyny with this one.
Quick refresher: the entire concept of “high-maintenance” vs. “low-maintenance” women is rooted in a misogynistic ethos that encourages women to tone themselves down and lower their expectations lest they be “too much” for a man. This concept of the “low-maintenance” woman as the male ideal is the core of the “cool girl” archetype skewered in the now infamous Gone Girl monologue. This idea that women need to play it cool (by downplaying their wants, needs, accomplishments, and, apparently, their jewelry) to make themselves more palatable to men is nothing more than yet another way society tells us to sit down, shut up, don’t ask for too much, and don’t be too much.
This theory that men are threatened by women in pearls is rooted in this exact same mentality. And while I don’t know that there’s actually any truth to it, I think it’s safe to say that if a man is turned off by pearls because they signal affluence or high standards, that’s an insecure man whose insecurities are his problem, not yours! Which is to say that if there is any truth to this theory, I’d argue that being able to automatically weed out sexist, insecure men with your jewelry taste alone is actually more of a dating super power than a weakness. So if anyone needs me, I’ll be out striking fear in men’s hearts with the trusty pearl studs my parents got me for my high school graduation. Thanks Mom!
