8 Gender-Fluid Sex Positions to Explore What Turns You On
Sick of traditional sub/dom roles? We gotchu.
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Gender fluidity* can be incredibly freeing for sex. Without the timeworn scripts of MAN DOES X, WOMAN DOES Y, etc... you are free to do whatever the hell you want. That can be a little scary—I mean, templates are helpful—but it also opens things way up. Who's the giver? What are the power dynamics? What parts go where? The answer: whoever/whatever/wherever the fuck you damn well please! It can be incredibly hot exploring vulnerability, power and figuring out what is actually sexy to you, as YOU, instead of a gender.
“Sexual fluidity not only allows a person to explore new sexual situations, but complexly re-imagine how sex can look. Moving away from sexual acts designated specifically to their assigned gender allows the participants to enjoy a more authentic sexual experience,” says Janielle Bryan, MPH CHES, a public health practitioner and sex educator.“Nowadays, people value their inner knowledge about themselves more than the conformities that society expects them to portray — and that extends to each of their own sexual expression, in all of its aspects, including in bed. The key to preserving gender fluidity during sexual intercourse is to practice positions where both parties can assume both sexual roles of dominance and submission,” says Katie Lasson, a clinical sexologist and sex and relationship advisor from Peaches and Screams.
Bonus: If you’re feeling up to it, there are also a bunch of gender-fluid and non-conforming sex toys that you can add to the mix to really rev up the action. Like, you can use a butt plug with The Side Stroke or a strap-on for The Sugared Spoon (like we suggest below). Hey, who are we to not give you all the best possible options? Have fun out there.
*Here's a gender terms explainer, but for us today, the term “gender fluid” means that a person---or in this case, a sex position—isn't locked into perceived traits of masculine and/or feminine, sub/dom, but rather, shifts between them. These shifts can undulate and last for short or long periods of time
M and M
Masturbation is a fabulous go-to option, no matter what equipment anyone's got going on. Give it an extra power dynamic by having one person straddle the other. The person on top can be more dom-ish, like, “Behold this!” or a more sub-bish “I will touch myself for you.” Apply toys as desired.
Shop Now Satisfyer Wand-er Woman Wand Vibrator, $50, Babeland.com
King for a Day
Toys are an amazing way to expand upon what you can do with someone else. Don't have a dick? Buy yourself one. You can get a strap on with a slot for a bullet vibe just for you but it's also completely satisfying just to wield a dick on someone else. Plus, it doesn't matter what your partner has going on biologically, they likely have a hole that can be filled by you and your glorious new dick.
Shop Now Fetish Fantasy First-Timer's Strap On Set, $40, AdamEve.com
Kinky Spider
“The Kinky Spider positions both parties at an equal level of exposure and pleasure,” says Lasson. Basically you sit on a bed, facing each other and leaning back on your hands. Takes a moment to get set up, but then you'll be all good. You can grind against each other, or masturbate, either at the same time or taking turns to give each other a show.
The Side Stroke
If you’re both lying on your sides, kissing and rubbing each other all over, what are you supposed to be doing gender-wise? Exaaactly. That’s why this face-to-face spooning posish is a winner. It also offers lots of eye contact, and with your legs outstretched or bent, you can push and pull your bodies to get into a rhythm together. Meaning: major intimacy and égalité.
The Top Knot
Break the top/bottom gender roles of the classic missionary setup by swapping places and forgetting all the rules. Lie on top with your legs wedged between your partner’s and pump away as you please. This will feel super empowering in the inside plus deliciously stimulating on the outside (and inside too).
The Freeform
If someone has trauma around sexual gender roles, then take it super slow. Start with a long, languid massage that might—or might not—end with a happy ending. Whether or not anyone has an orgasm, if you stay in communication and focus on one another, it can be an amazing sexual experience.
The Sugared Spoon
Adding a strap-on to the mix makes any coupling gender fluid. Try anal—it’s not known for being sweet particularly, but it can be if you do it in a spooning position and stroke your partner as you gently thrust.
The Power Stance
If you have a vagina and want to be the one serviced orally, prop your foot on the back or edge of a chair, which will give your partner (who’s on their knees or seated on the floor) a better angle. This feels like a power move—especially if you thrust your hips against your partner’s face and/or hold on to their head. But it’s just as exciting to be the one on your knees, so switch it up so you can both experience the headiness of dominance and submission.
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