Oral sex with a skilled partner is one part of sex that is absolutely worth the hype. If you’re receiving, we’re talking mind-blowing orgasms and incredible intimacy. And if you’re giving? Get ready to feel like a goddess as your partner gazes at you with unfiltered admiration. Told you—worth the hype! The only catch? When it comes to giving a blow job to a penis-haver, you may find yourself wondering what to do with the semen afterward: Spit or swallow?
While it sounds pretty self-explanatory, let’s start with the basics, shall we? “Spitting or swallowing is what a person does with ejaculation in their mouth during oral sex,” explains sex and relationship therapist Sarah Kelleher, LCSW. “Spitting is when a partner ejaculates in a person’s mouth, and the person who received the ejaculation spits it out somewhere. Swallowing is when the ejaculation is swallowed.”
Which one you opt for really comes down to personal preference. There's a common misconception that swallowing comes off as a more "advanced," slightly kinkier move—but Kelleher stresses that’s not the case. “Whatever you choose to do with ejaculation in your mouth is your business—if you even want it there to begin with,” she says.
So, if you’re trying to figure out what to do after that big oral climax, you’re in luck. From safety concerns to oral sex positions and expert tips, here’s everything you need to know about spitting versus swallowing—and what to do if you’re not a fan of either.
1. Are there any health risks with spitting or swallowing semen?
“Generally, swallowing semen can be safe,” says Monica Grover, DO, and board certified gynecologist at VSpot Medi Spa. However, she adds, you should have an honest convo with your partner about STIs and test for them beforehand as these can be transmitted.
If you’re debating spitting vs. swallowing, that means you’re having unprotected oral sex, which means you could potentially contract or transmit STIs from swallowing semen, explains Laurel Steinberg, PhD, clinical sexologist and relationship expert. If you have an open wound in your mouth or throat, this could also increase the chances of transmission, Steinberg says, and you might not even be aware you have such an injury in the first place.
With that in mind, Steinberg underlines why it is so important to have a chat with any new partner about oral to make the best decision. Some might see oral as more casual than penetrative sex, hence less motivation to have “the talk,” but as Steinberg says, “When it comes to STIs, risk is risk.” You can always have protected oral sex with protection—hello, flavored condoms!
Additionally, there’s a small chance you might be allergic to semen, as Edwina Caito, sexpert for Bed Bible, adds, explaining that “Seminal Plasma Hypersensitivity could cause redness, pain, swelling, and blisters in the mouth within 10–30 minutes of contact with sperm.” Both Caito and Dr. Grover say this is pretty rare, though. Just in case, Dr. Grover recommends keeping some antihistamines nearby in case of a reaction if you’re swallowing semen of a new partner.
2. If STIs are not a concern, are there any benefits to swallowing semen?
This is trickier to answer! There is a 2002 study that showed a possible correlation between improved mood and those who had contact with semen. Steinberg suggests this may have something to do with the mood-boosting properties, hormones and antioxidants in semen that support sperm productivity that your gut could theoretically absorb. But, she also notes that the studies’ participants' moods could’ve been otherwise boosted by other factors as well. It's also important to note that that study only looked at a lack of condom use as an “indirect measure of the presence of semen in the reproductive tract” and was not measuring mood based on, like, tablespoons of semen consumed through the stomach.
While there’s no exact way to tell, Steinberg believes that both factors (semen and other factors like mood or relationship health in general) likely play a role in the mood-boosting.
For pregnant people, there was also a 2000 study that suggested swallowing semen while pregnant led to a lower rate of preeclampsia, which is also pretty neat?!
3. Does semen digest weirdly or anything?
Nope, it’s gonna go through your system like anything else. “Semen is composed of spermatozoa and seminal plasma, which mainly consists of water and then some protein, as well as vitamins and minerals,” Dr. Grover explains. This means that semen will be just as easily digested as any other food you’d put in your body. Also, FWIW, semen has 20 calories per teaspoon, so do with that what you will!
4. Assuming you’ve had the talk about STIs with a partner and have decided to have condom-less oral sex—should you spit or swallow?
This is gonna be different for every person! Again, if you’ve had the STI talk and are sure that no one is transmitting any STIs to each other, do what you’re comfy with and definitely talk to your partner about what they’re comfortable with, too.
“It’s all about communication,” says Kelleher. “Don’t be afraid to share what you like or don’t like—good and confident lovers want to know. If you enjoy ejaculation in your mouth, or it’s something you and your partner agreed to try, deciding what to do with the cum is all up to you. If you’re interested or open to tasting it, give it a go. If you feel okay swallowing, go for it. If that’s not for you, feel free to spit.”
5. What’s the best position to be in?
Is your partner lying on their back with you sort of hunched over ‘em awkwardly? Or are they standing while you’re on your knees? This matters because when your SO ejaculates, it's likely not going to be a controlled, leisurely "sip of Arnold Palmer from a pitcher on a sunny day at the races" sort of flow.
If you’re in a position where you cannot control what/how much goes down your throat, coughing or gagging is a real possibility. IMHO, the post position is to sit or kneel before your partner and use your hands *and* your mouth. This way, your jaw doesn’t get as tired, and your hand will give you more control as they cum.
That’s why taking things slow is crucial. If you find yourself in an uncomfortable position or are concerned about the—ahem—speed of the ejaculate, talk about it!
6. How is giving a blow job different from “face-fucking?”
Face-fucking is when your partner grabs your head and humps/grinds against your face like it’s your genitals. It’s sort of like the “no-hands” version of oral—you’re giving, but you also kind of receive because they’re doing all the work.
While some people love this oral sex position, others aren’t for it. If you want to try it, have a safe signal in place (because your mouth will be full, so it might be hard to speak up). Again, not everyone likes the move, so don't feel like you have to do it like this (which is a pretty good way to approach literally anything, sexual or otherwise… except maybe, like, paying your electric bill).
7. How is a blow job IRL different from a blow job in porn?
First: Porn isn’t real life, and odds are you or your partner have seen some blow job tricks on-screen that you might not wanna do IRL. Totally fine. Gagging on a penis, choking on cum, watering eyes, and general discomfort don’t have to be a part of your oral experience. Like, at all. Communicate your wants and boundaries, and remember: You can stop at any point!
“Any associations we have with either choice are based in fiction,” adds Kelleher. “Sleeping with a partner who tries to convince you to do something you’re uncomfortable with is not someone worth sleeping with. Do what you like.”
How to Spit vs. Swallow
Deciding whether to spit or swallow is simply about what you like, notes Kelleher. Taste-wise, semen can vary depending on the person, their diet, and more. Typically, semen has a salty, sometimes slightly sour taste ranging from mild to an almost penny-like flavor. If you’re unsure what you want to do, Kelleher suggests tasting the ejaculation first before deciding.
While most people give a heads-up when they're about to cum, that’s usually about 0.2 seconds before they do. (Psst: This is something to talk about before you start any activity!) That’s why it’s best to figure out your plan before going down, and decide if you want a warning before they climax.
How to Spit
Granted, spitting is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Your partner ejaculates in your mouth, and then you spit it out. But there are a few things to keep in mind to make the experience a little less chaotic and a little more sexy.
First, it’s a good idea to have a convo about where you’re going to spit before it happens. Have a glass, container, towel, or tissue handy to spit into so you don’t have to rush to the bathroom right away (which can ruin the aftercare mood).
“Are you open to spitting the ejaculation onto your partner’s body? Are they into that? Is that something everyone would like to try?” Kelleher asks. “If not, where are you going to spit? Planning can sometimes feel antithetical to spontaneity, but clear conversations about sex and expectations lead to feeling freer during sex.”
How to Swallow
To swallow, all you do is keep your partner's genitals in your mouth as they ejaculate, then, well, swallow their semen. The easiest way to do this is to sort of angle their penis toward the back of your throat right when they’re about to come. This way, the ejaculate goes down your esophagus instead of directly into your mouth (unless you *want* it in your mouth, of course—then do you).
If you’re into the idea of swallowing, let your partner know beforehand to see if they’re also about it. “Talk details and expectations with no judgment and an open mind,” Kelleher says. And regardless of what you decide, you might want to have a glass of water handy since semen can be a little rough on the throat going down.
What If You Don’t Want to Spit or Swallow?
Giving oral sex doesn’t mean you *have* to have semen in your mouth. In fact, Kelleher notes there are other options if the idea of spitting or swallowing doesn’t work for you. “Many people do not like the taste, the texture, or the sensations of cum in their mouth,” she says. Some don’t even like the idea of it. If this is you, that’s fine! There are a million other places cum can go.
Chat with your partner to figure out what works best for both of you. They could pull away right before they orgasm and use a tissue, cup, or towel to catch the semen. They could also ejaculate on themselves (such as on their stomach) or even on you, if that idea sounds exciting. Many people find it arousing to ejaculate on their partners’ bodies (such as on their breast, butt, or even face). Also! Don’t forget condoms are always an option!
Ultimately, whether you spit, swallow, or avoid semen altogether, all that matters is it’s consensual, and you’re safe, comfortable, and enjoying yourselves. And honestly? Oral sex is great, no matter how it—or you—goes down.
