“Holy shit, I’m gonna cum in, like, two seconds,” is something a fuck buddy of mine recently said to me shortly before, well, getting on top of me and cumming in, like, two seconds. Hey, we love a man of his word.
I’m aware that this is not something most women and vulva-havers would necessarily be thrilled to hear from a guy who is about to penetrate them. But if the reason for his unusually swift orgasm is that you just introduced him to lube and he has now discovered how much better it makes sex—so much so, in fact, that we've dedicated an entire week to celebrating this slippery godsend—it hits different, trust me.
It was the morning after an extended sex sesh, and while I may have been ready for round three (or seven), my vagina was not. Physically, my body had tapped out, but mentally and emotionally I was insatiable. Cue: Me casually reaching into my bag for the handy bottle of just-in-case lube I keep on me at all times (not a joke), and my friend absolutely losing his goddamn mind the second his dick and my lubed-up hand made contact. Two—or, in all fairness, maybe closer to ten—seconds later, and I’d officially converted a new lube lover.
When I tell you this man was RAVING. It was like he had just tasted ice cream for the first time, or had been drinking cheap wine his entire life and I’d just poured him his first glass of Veuve. Imagine the thrill of realizing something already extremely fun and pleasurable can get exponentially better with almost zero additional effort. Now imagine you’re the woman who just proved it, the one who pulled a bottle of lube out of her bag of tricks like some kind of sex witch and forever altered the course of a man’s sex life. It’s intoxicating, I tell you. God is a woman who has just introduced a man to the wet and wild wonders of lube.
Now, ordinarily, a man having little to no experience with lube is a red flag akin to navy blue bed sheets or a mattress on the floor. I don’t know that I can, in good conscience, recommend actively seeking out dudes who have never used lube before. But if you happen to find yourself with a lube virgin (of which, alas, there are many!) on your hands, being the one to introduce him to the man-made miracle of store-bought lubrication is kind of the ultimate sex hack. Forget elaborate lingerie or spelling coconut or testing the limits of your flexibility with Olympian-level sex positions. Turns out all you have to do to impress a guy with your sex-goddess level skills is buy a bottle of lube.
It’s also worth noting that if the man in question is a short-term fling, no-strings FWB, or any kind of dude you can otherwise envision tossing back into the dating pool once you’re through with him, then giving him this little crash course in lube actually doubles as an act of community service. If you give a man the gift of lube, you’re really sparing his future sex partners the tragedy of lube-less sex and the trouble of having to initiate the Lube Talk themselves. Women supporting women, as they say. You’re not a regular sex goddess, you’re a benevolent sex goddess.
Armed with this knowledge of the wonders a little lube can work on an unassuming, unlubricated man, I encourage all ye WAP-ers to spread the good word of lube. Spread it far and wide, use it liberally, and don’t forget to reapply frequently.
