He’s haunted dating apps from the dawn of Tinder, peppering his profile with pics of him cuddling lovable pups or flashing pearly whites while holding someone else’s baby—always swiftly identified as such with a “not my kid” disclaimer in his bio. His hobbies include giving Golden Retriever Boyfriend by posing with literal golden retrievers, flaunting his reproductive potential by playing house with other people’s children, and, of course, telling you what you want to hear.
It’s not that any of these things are necessarily red flags in and of themselves. It’s that they’re green flags he’s performatively planting in an all too transparent attempt to rack up more matches, hence the new pejorative he’s acquired on social media: the Performative Male. While this genre of man has always existed, he’s recently started making the rounds online in the form of memes playfully poking fun at this kind of performative male behavior, and may I just say, it’s about damn time.
Again, in the grand scheme of straight male behavior, there are far worse things a guy can do. And this is not to say that a man can’t be genuinely interested in dogs, babies, astrology, matcha lattes, or any of the other male pseudo-interests that have recently been called out as evidence of performative male behavior online. But when it seems like there’s little to no genuine interest backing these gestures up, it comes across as hollow in the same way half-hearted, copy-paste social media activism does—like someone’s just doing something for the sole purpose of coming across as a “good guy.” At best, projecting a persona that seems tailored to stereotypically female-coded interests comes off a little cliché. At worst, it can read somewhat patronizing or even pick-up artist–adjacent, like these guys all heard the same podcast that told them the easiest way to get a woman’s romantic attention is to feign interest in the most base-level things all women are “supposed” to go gaga over.
Not unlike the “6'1", because apparently that matters” guy, the Performative Male has a way of making assumptions about women as a category and pursuing them accordingly. It contributes to the already gamified nature of dating in the age of apps while also coming off somewhat insulting—like, these guys seriously think we can’t see straight through their “basic bitch” traps?
This behavior is particularly irritating in light of the ways in which society generally looks down upon stereotypically “female” interests as less valid/important/intellectually viable than men’s and is all the more eye roll–inducing when men deploy this tactic alongside an attempt to distance themselves from it. For example, the classic/aforementioned “not my kid” or “not my dog” disclaimer in a bio littered with photos of a man holding kids and/or dogs. The subtext being (again, not unlike the “6'1", because apparently that matters” guy): “Apparently you like this for some reason, so here you go?”
All of which is to say: Gentlemen, you’re embarrassing yourselves. Also, if that’s not your kid, please leave them alone? Stop using dogs and children as pawns to attract women; they didn’t consent to this!
