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There are problems I like to call "vacation problems," which aren't really problems at all. Which part of the breakfast buffet will I hit first? Should we sit at the beach or the pool? Which free gelato flavor should I get today? They're "problems" you'd LOVE to have once you re-enter real life, you know? Throughout my stay at the Patina Maldives, Fari Islands, I encountered many of these wonderfully indulgent problems, and the attentive hotel staff helped me remedy each one with ease.
Over the course of five glorious days at their breathtaking resort, my boyfriend and I sat by the beach and pool, absolutely destroyed the breakfast buffet, and ate damn near all the gelato on the island—but that wasn't all. We were also able to snorkel with wildlife, ride underwater scooters, and wade off into a private stretch of the ocean right from the back of our hotel room. It was, in a word, magical. Which is why I want to tell you all about it, in case you're ever in the market for a once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Maldives. Here are all the juicy details that you should know.
THE QUICK HITS: PATINA MALDIVES, FARI ISLANDS EDITION
- Name: Patina Maldives, Fari Islands
- Location: Fari Islands, Maldives
- Cost Per Night: Starting at $2,054
- Best For: A private beach escape halfway around the globe
- While You’re Here, Visit: Wok Society for the best Chinese food you’ll ever have
- One-Word Vibe Check: Secluded
- Most Iconic Photo Spot: In front of Amarta, a gorgeous art piece that you can walk inside that lights up at night
- Don’t Leave Without: Getting a free scoop of gelato every afternoon at Tuk Tuk Gelato
THE FIRST IMPRESSIONS
When we first arrived in Malé, the capital of the Maldives, we were escorted by a member of the Patina staff to a luxury speedboat transfer arranged by the hotel. Little treats, cold towels, phone chargers, and Wi-Fi awaited us aboard after our v long journey. The first leg of travel was a 13-hour flight from New York to Abu Dhabi. Then, we had a four-and-a-half-hour layover at the airport where I made friends with a small robot dancing in the middle of the shops (because of course I did). Finally, we had a four-hour flight from Abu Dhabi to Malé. Our tailbones were tired, but we had a boat to catch! All worth it for the most breathtaking beach views.
After 50 minutes of taking in views of the Indian Ocean, we arrived at Patina’s dock, where more staff ushered us onto the island with a sweet welcome song. I'll admit that I watched every arrival ritual from the beach during our stay, and it made me smile every time. We knew the vibe was going to be full-send relaxation when our "Essentialist," the name given to our dedicated butler (more on that later!!!), told us that the island is actually on its very own time zone, which means guests get an extra hour of sunlight at the end of each day. Casual!
Sue me, I'm a Scorpio who's energized by being around water, but I immediately felt refreshed walking around the hotel property. On beach vacations, I worry about being bombarded by sugar-fueled kids and groups of drunk, loud adults around every corner, but not at Patina. The hotel has a maze-like layout that disperses its guests between pools, beaches, and water sports areas. You can walk or bike the winding paths to your next destination and let your mind wander, too.
THE ROOMS
In addition to a stunning two-story Beach House, which will run you a cool $25,000 per night, Patina offers one- and two-bedroom villas (some of which stand above the ocean on stilts!), plus smaller studios. We stayed in a one-bedroom villa with a private pool, outdoor tub, and access to a secluded and semi-private stretch of beach that you share with the other villas on your side of the island. Since we were jet lagged for the first half of our trip, we would wake up ridiculously early for no reason and walk out to the beach to visit the hermit crabs and watch the sunrise. Some evenings, we'd snorkel in our private cove and look for wildlife. In the late afternoons, after sitting out at the main beach all day, we'd mosey back to the pool outside our room and sit out for an hour or two before getting ready for dinner. Having the choice between being around people or retreating to privacy for pool time was an extroverted introvert's dream.
Our room had a king bed, beach views, and floor-to-ceiling windows with blackout shades (a must on vacation). The shades opened up in a very dramatic fashion every morning to reveal our view of literal paradise, and trust me, it was quite the way to start the day, every day. Oh, and the bathroom featured a breathtaking rain shower plus an outdoor shower, because options are important.
THE AMENITIES
As I mentioned, Patina Maldives sets you up with an Essentialist, aka a private butler who can make basically anything happen during your stay, such as reservations for the spa and restaurants, or transportation around the island. They also hook you up as soon as you arrive with a welcome bottle of Champagne and beach cruiser bikes at the ready.
More perks included unlimited gym access, an on-site library (in case you finish your beach read), complimentary ice cream or sorbet at the gelato truck, a killer spa, and access to snorkeling gear, paddle boards, and kayaks whenever you're in the mood to hit the water. We took out Seabobs, which are motorized underwater scooters you can ride above or underwater. It was the silliest experience—they go SO fast. My boyfriend and I raced each other from point to point until our faces hurt from smiling.
The surprise perk I loved the most, though, was the fact that the pool staff always brought us cold treats during the hottest part of the day. My favorite was a frozen yuzu concoction that slowly melted while you drank it. It was delightful.
Another thing I have to praise Patina for is its commitment to sustainability and conserving marine structures. They have a coral propagation project where guests can help make ceramic structures that are dropped into the reefs to help with coral growth. According to Patina, their marine biologist (along with guests, teammates, and local students) has completed over 60 coral frames and 70 ceramic structures, and planted over 3,000 coral fragments into the reef. Love that!
THE FOOD AND BEV
I'm just gonna come out and say it: the dining selection at Patina Maldives is U-N-R-E-A-L. There are 13 outposts on the property where you can find food and drinkies throughout your stay. Each place serves a different purpose and has a different vibe, so you'll never tire of grabbing a bite, believe me.
If I were you, I'd start each day at Portico, where you can indulge in a delicious breakfast buffet (pastries! chia puddings! salads!). But if you want a meal that will also feed Instagram, order the floating breakfast in your private pool, which comes packed with dishes like eggs benedict, avocado toast, smoked salmon, fruit, and tea. It's $175, which sounds steep but is a steal for all the food on the tray.
For lunch, you can stay close to the beach and grab some kebabs or pizza at Veli Bar, but it's worth it to head over to Go-Go Burger for the bulgogi fries alone. And for dinner, you only have delicious options available (picking just one is gonna be a vacation problem, sorry). In addition to Wok Society, which I mentioned earlier, our favorite experience was at KŌEN, which serves Nordic-Japanese cuisine in a tasting menu format. We flowed through a nine-course meal cooked right in front of us set to music by a DJ. The wagyu beef with leeks, coconut jus, and crispy onions was delish, and you've got to get the scallop that comes plated on a giant seashell.
THE BOTTOM LINE
So, is it worth it to travel nearly 24 hours for a beach vacation? Yes, yes it is. Our trip to Patina was an unforgettable and unique experience. It has a magical quality that makes you feel special and secluded even when the resort is at full capacity. Seeing fish, eels, and even a shark 🫣 up close while snorkeling felt like a dream, and wildlife encounters became so routine that by the end of the trip, we scheduled time to wave to the giant fruit bats feasting on tree berries on our way to dinner.
I also want to shout out our Essentialist, Arey, who escorted us around the island and answered all our little questions throughout the stay. It turns out that it's nice to have a babysitter on your adult vacation. They can take care of things while you sip on a piña coladas and turn your brain completely off.
If you're even considering it, you must find a way to Patina for its white sandy beaches, once-in-a-lifetime accommodations, and mouthwatering bites. Unfortunately, your stay will condition you to crave gelato every afternoon, but it's a risk you should be willing to take (can you tell I loved the free gelato?). But aside from stuffing our faces and splashing around the ocean, I also loved our moments of stillness. On the last night, all the stars were stunningly visible, so I laid out on our pool chair looking for constellations while my boyfriend took photos of the sky. Among many memories from the trip, that's one that I'll treasure forever.
