Let’s be so for real: Hand jobs have had a PR problem for years. Some people think they're reserved for back-seat young adult fondling (nostalgia!), whereas others might view it as a pre-game before “real” (read: penetrative) sex. Not to be that person, but these folks? They’re so wrong. It’s high time the handy got a rebrand, because FWIW, figuring out the best ways to touch him (and how to handle his penis) can unlock way more pleasure, intimacy, and confidence in the bedroom (or, uh, mid-sized sedan).
“Hands are one of the most underrated tools when it comes to sexual intimacy,” says sex coach Annette Benedetti, host of the Talk Sex With Annette podcast. “They allow for intentional, sensual, and highly customizable experiences.” Casey Tanner, a certified sex therapist and Lelo sexpert, agrees: “Physical touch communicates more than just desire—it can convey presence and attunement.”
You see, hand jobs aren’t just hot—they’re versatile. “Manual stimulation is deeply erotic, especially when it’s done with care, curiosity, and attention,” says Good Vibes staff sexologist Carol Queen, PhD. Sarah Tomchesson, certified sex educator and Magic Wand’s director of marketing, adds that using your hands improves your “orgasmic versatility.” In other words, the more types of touch you explore, the less likely sex is to feel prescribed or dull.
The expert-approved TL;DR? Touching a penis isn’t just a form of foreplay to fill time before oral sex, anal sex, or P-in-V intercourse—it’s an art form in its own d*mn right. And just a reminder: not everyone who has a penis identifies as male, and not every man has a penis. These tips are ideal for anyone who wants to get better at manual sex. With the right moves (and some high-quality lube, ofc), you’ll come to see that those hands can do so much more than just scroll. Welcome to the hand job renaissance!
1. Start Somewhere Else
You don’t have to lead with a penis-in-your-hand moment. In fact, it’s probably better if you don’t. Sensually caressing other parts of the body—like the chest, inner thighs, or even the back of the neck—can build anticipation and make everything that follows way hotter. As Tanner explains, slowly building arousal helps both partners stay present and heightens sensitivity. So take the scenic route. Trust us, it’s way more fun than heading straight for the goods.
2. Give a Pubic Mound Massage
As you're slowlyyy making your way to le peen, try concentrating on the area right above the goods. “This increases blood flow into the penis, which makes the erection firmer and more responsive to touch,” says Tomchesson. Try using your palms or even a vibrator on the pubic mound to get things going. The more arousal you build before you ever touch the shaft, the better the payoff.
3. Don’t Skip the Sensitive Spots
Pro tip: There’s a lot more to explore than just the shaft, y’all. “The frenulum is a gold mine of sensation,” says Queen, referring to the band of tissue just beneath the head. The tip itself (especially the underside) has the highest concentration of nerve endings, so use slow strokes, gentle pressure, or circular motion to really dial up the intensity. And right below that, the perineum (the area between the scrotum and anus) is packed with nerve endings, too. These spots are often overlooked, but can unlock a whole new level of pleasure when you give them some much-deserved TLC.
4. Hit the Perineum With a Wand
Speaking of the perineum, didyaknow that wand vibrators aren’t just for vulvas? They’re a game-changer for penis play, too. “Press the head of the wand into the perineum to send deep vibrations into the prostate,” Tomchesson explains. Even on the lowest setting, it can relax the pelvic floor and make everything else you’re doing feel way more intense. Think of it as an orgasm upgrade button.
5. Experiment With Toys
Clearly a little buzz goes a long way. “Incorporating a vibrator can enhance sensation and bring variety to hand play,” says Benedetti. Try holding a bullet vibrator at the base of the shaft, using a suction vibrator on the head, or popping on a vibrating ring for extra stimulation during oral sex or mutual touch. It’s hot, it’s unexpected, and it basically turns you into a sex-tech goddess.
6. Break Out a Tenga Egg
If you’ve never tried a Tenga egg (or similar sleeve), prepare for your new go-to toy. “Lube the inside, stretch it over the penis, and pull the skin taut as you move down to the base,” says Tomchesson. Alternate between stretching and easing off for an experience that feels like a cross between your hand and a toy—aka, elite combo play.
7. Change Up Your Technique
If your hand’s just doing the same up-and-down motion on repeat, it’s time to mix things up. “Varying the way you touch activates different nerve endings and prevents overstimulation or numbing,” says Tanner. Try alternating between your fingertips and palm, adjusting your grip, or adding a light scratch with your nails. Even small changes in rhythm or pressure can wake up new nerve pathways and make everything feel hotter.
8. Get Your Whole Body Involved
Who said it has to be all hands? “When you bring in your full body, it becomes an erotic dance,” says Benedetti. Let your hair graze their stomach. Brush their thigh with your lips. Use your breath, your voice, your skin. The more parts of you involved, the more amazing it feels.
9. Make Eye Contact and Talk Dirty
Okay, so it’s not *technically* touch, but eye contact can be just as intimate. In fact, Tanner says intentional eye contact communicates vulnerability and confidence. Pair it with a little dirty talk (praise, direction, or a breathy “You like that?”) and suddenly the vibe is 🔥. As Tanner puts it, “Verbal communication builds psychological arousal.” Sexy words + sexy stares = elite-level connection.
10. Use Lube
Please put this on our headstones: Lube is always a good idea. “Lube makes touch feel more luxurious and reduces friction that can cause overstimulation or discomfort,” says Benedetti. But don’t stop at the basics; experiment with different types. Warming lubes boost blood flow and heat things up, flavored ones add a yummy element if you’re gearing up for oral sex, and silicone-based options stay slick forever. Basically, lube is your MVP (just make sure it’s body-safe and compatible with condoms or toys).
11. Watch Their Reactions
You don’t need to be a mind reader to figure out what’s working—just pay attention. “When someone is enjoying themselves, they breathe differently, their muscles respond, and they may lean in,” says Tanner. Notice the moans, twitches, and shifts, then double down on whatever’s getting a good response. Sexy and considerate? We love to see it.
12. Change the Pace
Try not to stick to the same rhythm the entire time. “Varying speed adds dimension to the experience,” says Queen. Start slow, then surprise them with a faster stroke. Back off, then build again. It keeps the tension high and makes the eventual orgasm that much more intense. Bonus? It gives your hand a break and helps you avoid carpal tunnel.
13. Use Both Hands
“Multitouch stimulates more nerve endings and amplifies sensation,” says Tanner. One hand on the shaft, the other cradling the base or teasing the head? Iconic. Add a twist, a stroke, a squeeze—whatever keeps it interesting, just try not to make it feel robotic. If you find yourself planning dinner or mentally running through your to-do list, you’re probably giving “zoning out in history class” energy.
14. Bring In Other Body Parts
Hands are great, but they’re far from the only option. “Any body part your partner fetishizes—feet, thighs, ass, armpits—can be used for manual stimulation,” says Tomchesson. Rub, squeeze, or press whichever part they’re into against their penis. It’s unexpected, playful, and makes sex feel way less scripted.
15. Break Out the Boobs
This one deserves its own section because "titty fucking" (for lack of a more eloquent name) can actually be super hot for all involved. “Using the chest to manually stimulate the penis not only feels good, it’s visually exciting,” says Tomchesson. The classic position involves simply lying on your back and pushing your boobs together with your hands while your penis-clad partner hovers over you and thrusts into your chest crevice. Super low-lift for you, super pleasurable for them. Win-win.
16. Try Mutual Touch
Your pleasure + their pleasure = double the pleasure. “It can be incredibly erotic to watch your partner enjoy themselves while you’re touching them,” says Benedetti. Have them touch themselves while you guide their hand, or stroke them while they play with you. It’s hot, it’s connected, and it seriously ups the intimacy.
17. Add a Twist
Literally. A little twist of the wrist mid-stroke can make everything feel fresher, hotter, and way more intense. Think of it like (very gently!) juicing an orange. “Changing the direction of your motion can activate more nerve endings,” says Benedetti. It doesn’t need to be wild—just enough to keep them guessing.
18. Do the Pepper Grinder
Yes, like the kitchen tool. If the standard up-and-down stroke feels a little stale, and you're officially a twisting pro, it's time to switch it up—literally. “Stack both lubed hands on the shaft and twist in opposite directions,” says Tomchesson. You can vary pressure, speed, or even bring one hand up to tease the head while the other keeps grinding. Bonus points if you add your mouth to the head while your hands work below.
19. Add a Little Pressure Play
If twisting feels too advanced (fair!), start by simply varying the pressure. “Using firmer touch on the shaft or base can trigger deeper, more grounding sensations,” says Benedetti. Try switching between a featherlight graze and a firmer grip at the base, or press your palm into their lower abdomen while you’re stroking. The contrast cranks up the intensity and gives them way more reason to scream your name. Win-win.
20. Slow Down
If it feels like you’re always rushing through the hand stuff, consider slowing things way down. “Intentional touch is where performance ends and real connection, rooted in desire, begins,” Benedetti says. Translation: Touch ‘em like you mean it. When you slow your roll, every stroke, squeeze, and graze hits harder (in the best way).
21. Tease the Hell Out of Them
Hover. Linger. Pull back right when things get good. “Teasing builds anticipation, which amplifies pleasure,” says Tanner. That hand that’s almost touching them? Way hotter than one that dives straight in. Think of it like a slow-burn game of cat and mouse. The closer they get to catching you, the more turned on they’ll be.
22. Play With Edging
Think of edging as the ultimate tease: You bring them right to the brink of orgasm, then back off before they tip over. Repeat this a few times and the eventual release is mind-blowingly intense. It’s not just about frustration; it’s about control, suspense, and prolonging the pleasure. Stroke, squeeze, or use toys until they’re panting, then pause or switch to a lighter touch. “Taking your time before stimulating the head of the penis—just as you would to warm up the clitoris—leads to more deeply satisfying orgasmic experiences,” says Tomchesson. Translation? Don’t rush the ending. Draw it out, and you both win.
23. Bring Breath Into It
Okay, sure, syncing your breaths sounds woo-woo, but it’s seriously erotic. Match your partner’s inhales and exhales as you stroke, or deliberately speed up your breathing to set a rhythm. That subtle mirroring creates a loop of connection and can intensify the build-up. Bonus: If you edge while doing this, the anticipation can feel almost unbearable—in a good way.
24. Touch Through Their Pocket
This one’s perfect for public (or semi-public) foreplay. While sitting close (think: movie theater, dark corner booth, etc.), slip your hand into their pants pocket and tease them through the fabric. “It’s discreet, unexpected, and incredibly erotic,” says Benedetti. Just make sure you’re both into it and not being too obvious.
25. Don’t Forget the Balls
They’re not just there for decoration. “The testicles are sensitive to both touch and temperature, and gentle attention there can seriously elevate arousal,” says Queen. Try cradling them with one hand while you stroke, lightly rolling them between your fingers, or even using your mouth (just be delicate, pls). It’s a bonus zone, not a stress ball.
26. Incorporate Temperature Play
A quick way to turn up the intensity? Play with heat and coldness. Alternate between a warm hand (hello, heating pad or warm washcloth) and a cool sensation (ice cube run along the inner thigh, a chilled glass pressed to the skin). The contrast jolts the nervous system in the best way, making every stroke feel sharper and more electric. Just keep communication open so it’s more “ooh” than “oww.”
27. Keep Your Clothes On
You don’t have to get fully naked to have fun. In fact, keeping your clothes on can make things hotter. “Mutual touching through clothes builds anticipation and increases arousal,” says Benedetti. Think grinding, strategic tracing, and letting your hands linger juuust long enough to drive them wild. It’s giving high school hallway make-out minus the fear of detention.
28. Try a Stroke-and-Squeeze Combo
ICYMI: Gently squeezing the base while stroking the shaft creates a layered sensation that feels amazing. “Alternating between pressure and movement intensifies pleasure by engaging different sensory pathways,” says Tanner. You can use one hand for the squeeze and one for the stroke, or alternate between them—just keep the rhythm intentional. It’s a simple tweak (or squeeze, if you will) that makes everything way more intense.
29. Do the Seven-and-One Stroke
Have your partner lie back and get comfy while you take both hands and alternate: seven strokes up the shaft, then one long, slow stroke down. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Pay attention to their body language—if their hips start bucking, that’s your green light to go faster and firmer. It’s equal parts tease and thrill, and it keeps the intensity climbing instead of plateauing.
30. Don’t Treat It Like a Performance
This isn’t a choreographed routine. “When you’re present and curious, your touch becomes more authentic,” says Benedetti. Genuine interest is way sexier than going through the motions. If you need a pep talk, remember: You’re not there to impress—you’re there to explore what feels good for both of you.
