For some folks, saying “I love you” for the first time can be equal parts thrilling and terrifying. For others, it can feel like the easiest thing in the world. Both experiences are totally normal. It’s a big milestone that can make your relationship feel way more serious than it is right now—averbal confirmation that your feelings for someone are deep and you want them to know it. And while you might be pretty confident they’ll say it back, you can’t know for sure. So if you’re nervous about figuring out how to tell someone you love them, we see you! Your feelings are valid!
“Those three words mean different things to different people, and for many people, it’s a major step in a relationship,” says clinical psychologist and relationship coach Morgan Anderson, PsyD, host of the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. “You might be ready to say it when you feel the desire to share your commitment, and, essentially, offer them reassurance about how you feel about them. You want them to know how special they are to you.”
Only you can really know when you’re ready to say “I love you” out loud, and everyone’s different. Couples therapist Adrienne Michelle, LMFT, says she typically sees people say it somewhere around the three-month dating mark, but there’s no set schedule or “perfect” time. Marriage and family therapist Kiaundra Jackson, LMFT, adds that while you shouldn’t place a time frame on introducing the phrase to your relationship, it’s a good idea to at least wait until you’re out of the honeymoon phase, when “everything is fresh and new and your body is flooded with dopamine and oxytocin,” Jackson explains. “Sometimes we can misconstrue those hormones as love or as a sign that you want to be with the person forever.” So, pro tip: Say it when it feels right, but wait until you know it’s actually love, not lust.
If you’re ready to express your feelings but aren’t quite sure where to start, we asked top relationship experts to outline the best ways to tell someone you love them. The most direct way is to use those very three words—no room for confusion and you get your message across clearly. But once you’ve said it, there are tons of ways to continue to show it. Whether it’s writing a sweet message in a card or text, or expressing your love through your actions (knowing their love language is key here—more on that below!), you’ll find tons of helpful inspo down below.
How to Know You’re Ready to Say “I Love You”
Deciphering if/when you’re in love isn’t always evident, and Michelle says that’s because it might look different every time you feel it. “Love is so expansive, and understanding the type of love you’re experiencing and the type you desire is crucial,” she says.
For some people, love might feel like safety or comfort, while for others, it might feel like you’re a walking heart-eye emoji. In general, you can expect to feel happy when you’re around the person you love, you think about your future together, you prioritize their needs and your time together, and you highly value their thoughts, opinions, and feelings.
If you’re still unsure, Michelle suggests asking yourself questions like: “Do I love the person they are? Do I love who I am around them? Do I love how we treat one another? Do I love our sex?” This can help give you an idea as to whether it’s a passing crush or full-blown love.
Truthfully, though, all three experts agree the sheer fact you’re asking yourself if you love someone is a clear sign that you might—or you’re at least well on your way. And if that’s the case, it might be time to tell that special someone how you feel. Before blurting it out, though, Michelle says it’s a good idea to think about your goal in sharing. If you’re saying it because you feel obligated to or have an ulterior motive, it’s probably best to hold back. If, however, you want to tell someone you love them because your feelings are strong and you just can’t hold it in anymore, that’s a damn good indication you’re ready.
Which means you need to figure out the best way to tell them! (No pressure. This is exciting!) You want to say it when you’re in a place where you can handle many different outcomes, from them saying it back to them being sorta stunned. "I wouldn't recommend this when you’ve been drinking, are in a crowded place, or are around a bunch of people," Anderson advises. Opt for a more private setting with little influence or distractions. Michelle says it’s also a good idea to consider the headspace your partner is in. “If they have a lot on their plate or are overwhelmed with something else, I wouldn't add that to their reality just yet,” she advises.
If you’re stuck on the exact moment or location, you’ll want to think about what feels natural for your relationship. Does your partner like grand romantic gestures or do they prefer more vulnerable and intimate moments? Let this guide your when/how so you both feel like the milestone is true to your bond.
How to Say “I Love You” with Words
Saying “I love you” verbally is a surefire way to make sure your S.O. knows *exactly* how you feel. And if your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, this may be your best course of action. Whether you murmur it in their ear, write it in a love letter, or pen it in icing on a giant cookie cake (SATC flashbacks anyone?), here’s how to say “I love you” with words:
- “I love you.”
- “I’m in love with you.”
- “You make me happy whenever I'm around you.”
- “You bring me so much joy and excitement.”
- “I love spending time with you.”
- "You inspire me every day."
- “When I'm not with you, I feel sad/incomplete/lonely.”
- “I can’t imagine my life without you.”
- “I value you and our relationship so much.”
- “You’re my world.”
- “Your happiness matters most to me.”
- “I’ll always be here for you.”
- “I love our life together.”
- “I love planning our future together—there’s so much to look forward to.”
- “You’re the most important person in my life.”
- "You are my favorite part of every day."
- "Being with you feels like home."
- "I cherish you more than words can express."
- "You light up all my days."
- "You make every part of my life better."
How to Say “I Love You” without Words
Jackson says knowing the recipient's love language is major for saying “I love you,” especially if you’re doing so wordlessly. This is because some people actually prefer other expressions of love outside of verbal declarations. Whether your partner prefers acts of service, quality time, physical touch, or gift giving/receiving, here’s how to make your love known sans sweet nothings.
- Help them with hard tasks or pick up the slack when they feel overwhelmed.
- Give them a lingering hug or kiss. Then go back for another one!
- Get them surprise tickets to a show they’ve been wanting to see forever.
- Carve out consistent quality time for them, even when you’re busy.
- Take care of them when they’re sick.
- Request “phone-free nights” where you relax and connect together without distractions.
- Pick up something sweet for them when you’re out, like their favorite candy or a bouquet of “just because” flowers.
- Offer to help if their family or friend is in need of assistance.
- Give them a slow, sensual massage without expecting anything in return.
- Pay special attention to them when you’re out in a group.
- Make reservations and take them out to a nice, unprompted dinner. Keep your phone silent and out of sight while you’re there.
- Find small ways to touch them, such as holding their hand as you walk, rubbing their neck as you watch TV, or giving them a lil love tap when you brush by them in the kitchen.
- Actively listen to them and remember details they tell you about their day, their childhood, or their future dreams.
- Gift them that one item they always talk about but never purchase for themselves. (Within reason, ofc.)
- Offer to pick up dinner on the way home when they’ve had a long day.
- Go all early 2000s on 'em and create a personalized playlist of songs that remind you of them.
- Leave them cute little notes in unexpected places like their wallet, on the bathroom mirror, or inside a book they're reading.
- Tidy up their space or organize something in their life without them asking, like cleaning their car or doing the dishes.
- Cook (or order) their favorite meal just to see them smile.
- Watch a movie they love together, even if it's not your first choice.
No matter how you do it—whether it’s with a skywriter over the park or with the simple gesture of being present—telling someone you love them is a big step not only for your relationship, but for your own personal development as well. “Embrace the feeling because it’s simply what we are on this Earth for,” says Michelle. “To love and be loved.”
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