It seems a condom controversy is currently sweeping the internet, which means it is once again time for me to perform one of the core functions of a sex writer’s job: Remind everyone that condoms are an effective, affordable, and accessible method of contraception and one of the only ways to prevent the spread of many sexually transmitted infections, so using them is generally a great idea! But first, some context.
In a recent clip from the “Extra Dirty” podcast, host Hallie Batchelder shared some off-color thoughts on condom use, revealing she was surprised and “offended” when two recent hookups suggested using condoms and referring to these incidents as evidence of a “condom epidemic.” These comments have since sparked controversy online, with critics calling the podcaster out for claiming condoms “kill the mood,” suggesting an IUD renders condoms unnecessary, and linking STIs to sexual promiscuity in a derogatory fashion.
In light of the above, a few reminders.
- Pausing a sexual encounter to discuss condom use does not “kill the mood.” Talking about condoms/contraception is neither sexy nor unsexy—it’s just a normal part of being a responsible, sex-having adult. (Also, if a mood can be killed that easily, then I’d argue there probably wasn’t much of a mood to begin with.)
- Condoms aren’t just for preventing pregnancy; they also help protect against many STIs, which contraceptives like the pill and IUDs do not. Also, while I’m really not one to break out a tiny violin for the plight of men in a world where women bear the vast majority of the responsibility for pregnancy prevention while having our reproductive rights actively threatened under male systems of power, it’s worth noting that in the absence of any form of long-acting reversible contraception (like an IUD or the pill) for men, condoms are one of the only methods men can actively deploy to prevent pregnancy themselves. Even if a female partner is using birth control, it makes sense that men may want to take their own precautions against unwanted pregnancy. (I might even call it a green flag if a man wants to take some of this responsibility that has disproportionately fallen on women.)
- You don’t need to have a large number of sexual partners to contract a sexually transmitted infection—it literally only takes one. More importantly, neither having multiple sex partners nor getting an STI is morally bad or wrong or otherwise indicative of anything negative. The taboo surrounding STIs, the association between these conditions and sexual promiscuity, and any negative connotations re: the latter, are all rooted in misogynistic, sex-negative misconceptions that seek to shame and police female sexuality. Any sexually active person can get an STI. They are extremely common and most are easily treated by a medical professional. That said, the best way to treat an STI is to not get one in the first place, and one of the best ways to do that is—you guessed it—to use condoms!
That said, I believe everyone is entitled to make their own choices about their sexual health and the methods they use (or don’t use) to protect it—provided they are transparent about those choices with anyone they have sex with so those sexual partners have the information they need to make informed decisions of their own. If someone doesn’t want to use condoms for whatever reason, I think that’s totally fine—again, as long as everyone involved consents to foregoing barrier methods, is aware of the risks involved, and has not been shamed or pressured into doing something they don’t want to do. Personally, I encourage everyone to make the informed, risk-aware decisions about sexual health that work best for them, with the consent of any sexual partners. (But using a condom is almost never a bad idea.)
Kayla Kibbe (she/her) is the Associate Sex and Relationships Editor at Cosmopolitan US, where she covers all things sex, love, dating and relationships. She lives in Astoria, Queens and probably won’t stop talking about how great it is if you bring it up. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
