Even though your gyno literally knows your vag inside and out, it can still be embarrassing to ask the questions we really want to get off our chests. But let me reassure you, dear reader: It’s impossible to embarrass a gyno—they’ve heard (and seen) it all before and they want to help. Your gyno visits should feel like one of your safest spaces because it's the time to put it all out there and ask whatever big or little thing is on your heart. And absolutely no question is a silly one or off limits.
But don't take it from me! Take it from the docs themselves. To give you that extra layer of reassurance next time you head to your next office visit, I hit up three gynecologists to tell me—and you—the questions they wish their patients would ask them at their annual checkups. So don't be shy at your next appointment. Asking these questions are literally doctor's orders.
Keep scrolling for the 11 questions you should ask at your next gyno appointment.
1. “Does my period have to suck this much?”
You hopefully already know that crippling cramps and soaking through tampons means something’s not right, but things don’t have to get that dire before you’re over it. "If period pain and/or bleeding is getting in the way of your daily life—like keeping you from school, work, or doing the things you enjoy—it’s time to check in with a health care provider," says Raegan McDonald-Mosley, MD, a practicing ob-gyn and CEO of Power to Decide, a non-profit dedicated to sexual health and reproductive rights. "Period pain should never make your life harder."
Any good gyno will ask about your period, help you figure out if there’s a specific cause to what's happening, and walk you through your options for getting relief, says Dr. McDonald-Mosley. So give her aaaall the gory details. “I don’t only want to know what a patient’s period is like, but also how she feels about it,” says Nicole E. Williams, M.D., founder of the Gynecology Institute of Chicago. You don’t have to live with a heavy, crampy, sucky period, even one that’s “normal” (whatever that means).
2. “Can I just opt out of my period altogether?”
Absolutely! Hormonal birth control can literally can make your period disappear. “I want more patients to know that it’s okay not to have a period,” Dr. Williams says. “Some women feel like having a period, even on the Pill, is better or more natural. But because you’re not ovulating, it’s a fake period anyway.”
Not only can you skip a period (or opt out of it completely!), but it's also really safe to do so, and many of Dr. McDonald-Mosley's patients do so, she says. "You can skip your cycle for as long as you want and there’s no health risk," she says. You don't need a significant reason, like getting deployed or a big sports competition, to opt out of your period either—it literally can be for just comfort and convenience. "It’s all about what works for you and your life," adds Dr. McDonald-Mosley.
She continues: "However, if you go for several months without a withdrawal bleed, you may experience some spotting from time to time. If you have doubts or questions about how to do it with a specific method, talk it over with a trusted provider."
3. “What’s up with all this discharge?”
“So many of my patients, whether they’re young or older, are scared that any type of vaginal discharge is a disease, but that’s far from the truth,” says Dr. Williams. “The vagina is a self-cleaning oven for the most part, and that means it’s always making a small amount of liquid.” That liquid can either be clear, white, or light yellow and should have no or just a slight odor. “If there’s a strong smell or the color is a dark yellow or green, that’s when there may be a problem,” she says.
What’s most important is knowing what’s normal for you, and paying attention to changes is essential to caring for your body, explains Dr. McDonald-Mosley. "If your discharge changes—like if it becomes heavier, changes in color or smell, or causes discomfort—it could be a sign of an infection."
4. “How do I decide which birth control to use?”
You’ve got so many choices! And, while that’s an awesome problem to have, it also means there’s so much confusion out there, says Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz, M.D., an ob-gyn in Beverly Hills, CA. “Deciding what’s right is a complex conversation, and it’s essential you thoroughly investigate your options with your doctor so you understand the differences,” she says.
So, talk about what you’ve heard, what you need, what you’re thinking, but be open-minded. Don’t just go with what all your friends use, stick with the one you’ve been using forever, or stay on the first one you tried if it’s not perfect. “Your doctor can help you move through the process of choosing a method and educate you,” she says.
Dr. McDonald-Mosley suggests starting with "thinking about what fits best with your current routine and preferences." She adds, "It’s also important to consider other factors, like access to a health care provider who offers the full range of birth control options and the cost or insurance coverage for different methods. All of these can play a part in which birth control method you pick," she says.
Bedsider’s Method Explorer is a good tool to see all available birth control methods. You can even compare up to three side-by-side.
5. “Ummm, can we talk about sex for a sec?”
Nothing, and we mean nothing, is TMI. “Sex and sexual function are such big topics, and there’s often a lot of shame around them or people are uncomfortable, but we can cover anything that’s going on,” Dr. Gilberg-Lenz says. Not having orgasms? Painful sex? Low libido? Wondering whether a certain sex act is okay to do? Bring it up!
“You deserve to understand your body, get good information, and have fun and enjoy sex,” she says. “Your doctor might not know all the answers, but we can help you find a sex therapist or doctor trained in sexual medicine if needed—or at least say, ‘Hey, let me look into that for you.’”
6. “Why do I pee a little when I laugh or sneeze?”
If you’re leaking, leak it to your doc. Urinary incontinence problems pop up most after childbirth or as you get older, but they can come on at any time and at any age. Unfortunately, a lot of women, especially younger ones, don’t talk about it because they’re embarrassed or think nothing can be done.
“All they see on TV is that they essentially have to wear a pull-up as an adult woman, which is insane,” Gilberg-Lenz says. “There are actually a million things we can do or recommend, like physical therapy or treatment with a specialized device we have in the office. You don’t have to suffer in silence.”
7. “Does my vagina look normal?”
A lot of times when people ask this, they're actually wondering about their vulva, the part of your genitals you can see, explains Dr. McDonald-Mosley, and not their vagina, which is an internal canal. "There is no 'normal' when it comes to vulvas—each one is unique!" she says.
Dr. Williams reiterates this: “Unfortunately, the internet has allowed for a lot of misinformation about what a vagina is supposed to look like or what is the ideal, but they're like fingerprints; each one is different. My job is to empower patients and make them feel good about what they’ve got, because they’re all good, they’re all glorious.” Enough said!
8. “I think I might be depressed/have anxiety/need therapy—now what?”
Okay, so not a question per se, but your gyno 100 percent wants to talk about what’s going on in your head as much as what’s going on in your uterus. “There’s a term I’ve heard: gynechiatrist,” Dr. Gilberg-Lenz says. “Mental health is huge for us.”
For starters, your doc can help you figure out if your feelings are somehow related to your cycle or PMS. “If they are, we can treat that with birth control pills or low-dose Prozac or other medications,” Dr. Williams says. “If not, I have resources and can direct you to the right place, which is a lot better than going it alone on the internet.”
9. “Am I drinking too much?”
“There can be a lot of intimacy in the relationship between gynecologist and patient, and I want my patients to tell me things or ask about things they may not be comfortable talking about with others,” Dr. Gilberg-Lenz says. “I’ve had people tell me they got sober because of me, because I listened and then called them out in a loving way.”
Maybe it’s not drinking for you—maybe it’s drugs or an crappy relationship or some other nagging topic or situation. Whatever it is, know this: “We are paying attention and we can help you find help,” she says.
10. “What should I use in the shower to clean my vagina?”
"You don’t need to use anything special to clean your vagina because your vagina cleans itself," explains Dr. McDonald-Mosley. "It doesn’t need any special soaps, sprays, scented washes, or douches. Those products can irritate the delicate tissue and increase your risk of yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis. Some soap and warm water on your vulva is all you need. If a product claims to 'freshen' or 'cleanse' your vagina, it’s trying to sell you a solution to a problem you don’t have."
11. "Does an abortion affect my future chances of getting pregnant?"
Listen very closely: Getting an abortion, whether it's through the abortion pill or having an in-clinic abortion, absolutely does not change your chances of getting pregnant in the future, emphasizes Dr. McDonald-Mosley. "Serious side effects are rare," she says. "The real risks come when people can’t access safe abortion care—due to laws, stigma, or lack of resources—not from the abortion itself. If you’re thinking about the future, know that you can still have children later if and when you’re ready."
Christen A. Johnson is the senior lifestyle editor at Cosmopolitan, where she covers health and wellness, home, sports, astrology, food, travel and more for print and digital. She also dabbles in culture writing, and wrote Cosmo's first-ever digital cover story. Before joining the magazine, Christen was a lifestyle features reporter at the Chicago Tribune. Several of her health and style stories made the paper's front page. When Christen isn't digging through antique stores, she's likely drooling over home renos on HGTV, sharing her latest therapy revelation, redoing old workouts from her college basketball days, or trying to perfect her homemade buttermilk biscuit recipe. Follow her on Insta for BTS ~ editor life ~ tingz!
