Could Gracie Abrams be lighting a match for the slow burn toward her third album? The singer-songwriter just released her first track, “Death Wish,” after the wild success of her sophomore record The Secret of Us. She debuted the song during a live performance at London’s iconic O2 Arena and eventually announced that she’d be dropping it as a gift to fans before officially ushering in her latest musical era.
“This is the first and only time I’ve played this song, but I wanted you to have this version before anything else,” Gracie wrote in her official Instagram announcement. “Thank you to everyone who was in the room that night. I love you and I miss you and maybe you’ll be able to hear yourself in the recording x.”
The piano ballad, which Gracie wrote with longtime collaborator Aaron Dessner, is a melancholic account of a past relationship that didn’t meet her expectations. It tears at your heartstrings and hits incredibly hard for all the situationship survivors out there. So, grab a box of your softest tissues and prepare to get a good cry in, because we’re breaking down Gracie Abrams’s “Death Wish” lyrics ahead. (You’re welcome/we’re sorry in advance.)
Lyrics provided by Genius
[Verse 1]
My love, you love your time machine
Your power trips and diamond rings
The walls you built on teenage dreams
The well you dug for sinking things
Your words to kill are evergreen
So you must not feel anything at all
But how'd you get so bulletproof?
You trade your time for inside truths
Trade your time for any clue
Of what to do or not to do
Hate to say, it's nothing new
Aside from those few girls you keep around
From the jump, listeners sit with the pain that Gracie likely felt while penning the track. Based on this first verse, her subject constantly harps on their past and clings onto the “power” they once felt. When she says their words to kill are evergreen, she could be alluding to the fact that this person might push certain buttons and say hurtful things that could resonate for a long time, well past whatever argument they’re in.
TL;DR: she’s been scathed by this person in more ways than one, between these behaviors and the “few girls” they keep on their roster.
[Chorus]
But how will it end? How long will you give me
’Til you twist the knife with a smile while you kill me?
And you ask me to dance if there's someone around
You don’t look the same when I look at you now
She knows the end of their relationship is imminent because the feelings don’t hit the same as they used to. The anxiety of not knowing when or how the breakup is going to go down has taken over the chorus, and it’s implied that her subject won’t feel as much pain as she would.
This also isn’t the first time Gracie has mentioned twisting the knife in her songs—she also mentions it in “Rockland” (Anticipating every bad dream / Like falling with a knife, you cut deep) and “I should hate you” (Pulled the knife out my back / It was right where you left it).
[Verse 2]
Well, honey pie, you're haunting me
I fell for your faux fantasy
You poured the wine, there's poison in it
Disregard my disposition
Truth is in the subtle things
Your eggshell floor is splintering now, mm
And it freaks me out I’m old enough
To know you as a gateway drug
You’re everything I’ll never be
You live to look for enemies
I have to bet that’s lonely
Could leave you with an empty house
By verse 2, Gracie fully realizes that the relationship was an illusion and that she was fed a surface-level fantasy. She’s spent a lot of time being cautious around this person because she doesn’t know how they’ll react if she lashes out or defends herself. In doing that, she’s only causing herself more pain, which she references in the line, “Your eggshell floor is splintering now.”
She also refers to the subject as a gateway drug, which is only the beginning to a series of destructive patterns (i.e. being around this person could potentially lead to other bad things happening). For this reason, she learns that she doesn’t want to be around them anymore...and she doesn’t want to be anything like them.
[Chorus]
But how will it end? How long will you give me
'Til you twist the knife with a smile while you kill me?
Then you ask me to dance if there’s someone around
You don’t look the same when I look at you now
And I used to pretend that it didn’t feel evil
Your light of a million suns burns through people
And bridges and cities ’til ash covers ground
A breath of your air is a death wish
And you’re forcing my hand, but I’m a drop in your ocean
I ruined your plans of some grand self-promotion
The second you figured that I figured you out
Now you look away when I look at you now
Gracie expands the final chorus and reveals that she used to ignore the problems in this connection. You can’t see red flags with rose-colored lenses on, and she comes to that realization when this person’s “brightness” could merely be manipulation that “burns through people” and makes a mess of them.
This is where the titular line comes in: “A breath of your air is a death wish,” and she notes that while she plays a small part in their life, their actions have forced her to leave the relationship prematurely, or before she even wanted to.
[Outro]
Oh, look at you now
Well, look at you
Look at you
