Does Hulu’s Secret Lives on Mormon Wives season 3 have you squinting at the TV, struggling to tell Jessi Ngatikaura and Demi Engemann apart with their identical, long, sleek waves and indistinguishable wide, thick lashes? Even diehard fans of the show admit to frequently mixing up the cast. And viewers regularly post about getting castmates confused. “Anyone else watch ‘The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ but can’t keep up bc they all look exactly alike??” wrote one fan on Facebook.
It’s been a hot topic since season 1 and, according to some, this isn’t a simple case of women on reality TV wanting to be conventionally attractive. It’s the dogged pursuit of what many call the “Utah look.”
“Utah has insanely high standards for girls,” says fitness TikToker eharmany95. “Everybody is competing with the girl next to them to be just as perfect, just as tan, just as fit.” Or take it from Vanna Einerson, a 21-year-old Salt Lake City native on the most recent season of Love Island, whose filler and breast implants were a source of judgment and fascination online. “There’s a Utah girl stereotype,” she told castmate Ace Greene. “All the girls are, like, tan, blonde.”
“I have never felt uglier than I did living in Utah,” says TikToker @avemarin in a video explaining Vanna's look. “It’s not just being white and thin that is desired here, but what has been praised the most is extremely tiny bodies, blonde hair, blue eyes, big lips, immediate boob job—like right out of high school—and a very symmetrical face. Hence the filler and lip injections.”
Utah—and Salt Lake City, its capital—is a mecca for cosmetic procedures that help women conform to these standards. Salt Lake City has more surgeons per capita than Los Angeles (and almost as many as Miami). Residents google “breast augmentation” and other cosmetic surgeries in higher numbers than pretty much any other city. One particularly popular surgery is the “mommy makeover,” a combination of multiple procedures, including but not limited to a breast lift, tummy tuck, liposuction and labiaplasty.
Although Utah is hardly the only place where women feel pressure to be thin and have long hair, by many accounts the expectation here is more intense. At least some of this has to do with the Mormon Church, also known as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A cultural behemoth across the state, LDS members are 90 percent white and, according to some experts, this sameness—in religion, race, and region—leads to an extreme pressure to conform to a very conventional standard of beauty.
“The more homogeneous, the more things you have in common—they’re white, they’re Latter-day Saints, you live in the same neighborhood, your houses are pretty much the same—there’s just more competition,” says Susan Madsen, EdD, founder of the Utah Women & Leadership Project.
Aubree Bunderson, a 26-year-old stay-at-home mom and lifelong member of the LDS church, says she can always tell a fellow Deseret native down to the “Utah curls” (think beachy waves with straight ends achieved with a clamped curling iron) and her very blonde dye job.
“You see a different kind of blonde in different states. It’s not as rich, and it’s not as soft,” she says. “Anytime I’m traveling anywhere, you can almost tell who’s from Utah and who’s not. She’s that bleach-blonde girl with Utah curls. You know she has a woman that specializes in platinum blondes do her hair. There’s not very many blondes out there. And then, here in Utah, we’re full of blondes. We’re full of athletic wear. We love the idea of the gym and being healthy and having the perfect body and beauty standards when it comes to skincare and makeup. We want to look our best and feel our best.”
For Bunderson, the widespread conformity to these ideas of beauty is inspiring. “I’m encouraged by other women that I find attractive. I’m like, I want that body. I want her hair. I want her eyelashes. I want her skin. So many influencers are from Utah. They’re in my face, looking beautiful. They look fake, but they just look amazing in my eyes.”
After the birth of her second child, Bunderson had a breast augmentation. She’s thrilled with the results. “I knew ever since I got pregnant with my first, I was going to have a boob job in order to help me feel confident in myself. Here in Utah, close your eyes and you can point to a surgeon. Because there’s such high beauty standards here, they’re at every corner.”
One of those Salt Lake City surgeons, Jerry Chidester, MD, has seen firsthand how the Utah look spreads through a friend group. “I can tell when there’s been a girls’ night because all of a sudden, 10 women who are all friends will start following me. I don’t know if it’s keeping up with the Joneses but more that everybody wants to be their best selves.”
Is this religion or just Utah? Can we even separate the two? Bunderson and several other women who spoke with Cosmopolitan mentioned physical “perfection” as the goal of the blonde curls and mommy makeovers. Perfection is a core value in the LDS Church, the Book of Mormon commands followers to “be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
“From a young age, we’re told that someday we can be perfect and that we should strive to be perfect,” says Amelia Miles, 37, another lifelong member of the LDS Church who is married with four children. “Sometimes people take that as I want to be perfect now and I want to look perfect to other people, to the world, my neighbors,” she says. “What we actually believe is that when we die and go to heaven, we can become perfect because we’ll be able to see the whole picture of life.”
Although she’s never had cosmetic surgery, Miles, who’s lived in Salt Lake City for nearly a decade, is still considering it. “You feel the pressure because you see everyone else get the mommy makeover,” she adds.
While reality TV stars are anecdotal evidence of this tendency for sameness in the quest for “perfection,” data also bears this out. A recent survey on body image in the LDS church found that 14 percent of church members had a cosmetic procedure compared to 4 percent nationally. The report also concluded that although the LDS church promotes a positive body image, many religious Mormons (particularly wealthy ones) “may erroneously believe that religion is tied to perfection in a variety of ways, including physical appearance or finances, and they may attempt to conform to what is referred to as the ‘thin ideal’ in U.S. culture. Perhaps appearing to be a perfect, worthy, righteous member of the church means ‘looking the part’ as well.”
Jordan Forsyth, a therapist and ex-Mormon, sees the toll of perfectionism on her clients who are current or former church members. “Religious scrupulosity is really common,” she says, as are conditions like anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). “I see a lot of neglecting needs in favor of achieving these standards, as in, ‘I’m exhausted because I have a 4-week-old plus five other children to take care of. I can either sleep in for another 45 minutes, or I can take a shower and curl my hair.’”
Miles, who herself has struggled with an eating disorder and OCD, is concerned about how getting cosmetic surgery might affect her daughters. “I don’t want to send the message that this needs to be done and I need to look this certain way,” she says.
The LDS Church has no official position on cosmetic surgery, but like many other religions, there are certain expectations surrounding how members look (no tattoos or piercings), what they drink (no alcohol, coffee, or tea), and how they dress (temple garments ensure modesty). Some leaders have even warned against the excesses of “tucking and nipping and implanting.”
The message, then? Be perfect but naturally.
Facing this impossible standard, many Mormon women opt for surgeries and procedures. “My grandma always said, ‘Just treat your body like a temple,’” says Bunderson. “You want it to keep it as white and pure as possible. I’m assuming that means don’t do any alterations, but if something is going to help your confidence, I say, ‘Go for it.’”
