You know your beloved childhood teddy bear? Bury it deep in the ground where it can’t hurt you because—this is just a hunch—I’m pretty sure it’s being mind-controlled by THIS:

miss teddy
Fox

What we have here is Miss Teddy, part of The Masked Singer’s Team Cuddly, who is competing during tonight’s episode. While most creatures in this crew are pretty menacing (one of them could try to cuddle you at any moment), Teddy is honestly pretty cute. Although I remain somewhat alarmed by her declaring, “I love you and I want you to feel love.”

Cuteness aside, it’s absolutely imperative that the celeb living inside this off-brand Care Bear be freed immediately, so the time has come to figure out who that is. ☹️

The Clues

Miss Teddy is performing again tonight, so we will presumably be getting a formal clue package that we can analyze soon. Until then, what we have to go off of is Miss Teddy’s first performance of “Tell It to My Heart”:

And this photo on Instagram, which is giving us…literally…nothing (although would love The Masked Singer never to use the phrase “we’re stuffed with excitement” again if possible).

And also, Miss Teddy makes a brief appearance in this teaser video, which is also giving us literally nothing, except for maybe nightmares?

The Theories

Nothing yet, but we will be updating this once the internet starts its sure-to-be-unhinged predictions! But now is probably a good time to point out the last “cuddly” “teddy” that The Masked Singer inflicted upon us was Sarah Palin, so….

I’m worried.