Historically, sexy Christmas songs represented a particularly unhinged subgenre of holiday music, anchored by cringe classics like “Santa Baby” and the one where the kid catches his parents making out.

But I’m happy to report that in more recent years, the sexy Christmas music genre has gone through a pretty substantial glow up courtesy of the likes of Ariana Grande, Sabrina Carpenter, and a number of other pop icons who have taken time out of their busy lives to grace us with the greatest gift of all: a sexy little Christmas single.

I’m not saying many of these more recent entries into the sexy Christmas music catalog are really any more hinged, per se, than their predecessors. But they’re definitely better. And so, I present to you my official ranking of the best, not-cringe sexy Christmas songs.

10. Santa Tell Me (Naughty Version) — Ariana Grande

I’ll be honest with you, I fear Ariana may have kind of phoned it in on this one. When I first heard she was releasing a sexy version of this classic back in 2023, I was like, “Wow, maybe a horny ‘Santa Tell Me’ is what my life has been missing for the past decade.” And then she essentially only gave us two additional lines. Honestly, I expected more. That said, I still respect Ariana’s reign as the Queen of Sexy Christmas Pop, and I’m grateful she is at least still willing to acknowledge how much this banger means to us.

9. Santa Baby — Ariana Grande, Liz Gillies

Okay I know I just called “Santa Baby” cringe, which it is. But as far as “Santa Baby” covers go, the Ariana and Liz Gillies version is actually pretty good. I would also like to take a moment here to shout out baby Taylor Swift’s version, which, while definitely not sexy, is worth a listen if you want to hear Debut Era Taylor in full Christmas twang.

8. Glittery — Kacey Musgraves

This 2019 banger isn’t suuuper horny, sure, but it is at least a little bit sexually suggestive. I mean, getting shaken up and turned upside down by a lover doesn’t not sound like a good time.

7. Cozy Little Christmas — Katy Perry

“A little whisky, we’re getting frisky,” and by “we,” Katy Perry apparently means she and Santa, with whom she enjoys a nude couple’s massage in the predictably over-the-top music video for this playfully flirty little number.

6. ’Tis the Damn Season — Taylor Swift

This isn’t really a Christmas song in the traditional sense, nor is it really sexy in the typical tongue-in-cheek way that defines this subgenre. What it is, however, is a song about hooking up with your high school ex when you go home for the holidays and also yearning, which I think qualifies it for this list.

5. Buy Me Presents — Sabrina Carpenter

In which Sabrina implores her lover to drink her like a glass of warm milk and keep her “stocking” filled because if he doesn’t deliver, she’ll just sleep with Santa instead!

4. December — Ariana Grande

Ah, yes, Christmas & Chill, the EP of exclusively sexy Christmas bangers that proved bonafide pop stars can release actually good Christmas albums that aren’t just embarrassing early career cash-grabs.

3. Wit It This Christmas — Ariana Grande

In which Ariana dares to ask the question we should all be asking this time of year: “Are you down for some of these milk and cookies?”

2. Christmas Tree — Lady Gaga ft. Space Cowboy

My elder Gen Z is showing with this one, but listen—if you, like me, were in middle school when this innuendo-laden, Recession-era Gaga number came out, it was a whole thing.

1. A Nonsense Christmas — Sabrina Carpenter

Sabrina really did not have to go this hard on this one, but she did. And she nailed it.