The pop girls are not practicing secure relationship behaviors. And that’s according to science. A 2024 study from the Psychology of Music found that 86 percent of popular music depicts insecure attachment styles. Unfamiliar with what those are? For the sake of self-improvement/awareness, I recommend getting to know your own. Because it basically defines the way you show up in one-on-one relationships.
Back in the ’50s, psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth developed a theory that all people have one of four general attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. The original theory claims that one’s attachment style forms in early infancy, based on the earliest connections we have with our parents and/or other caregivers.
Basically, someone with a secure attachment style won’t have issues communicating or demonstrating their love. But an anxiously attached person lives in fear of abandonment or betrayal, so they might overcommunicate, hover, and come off super needy. People with an avoidant attachment style tend to be commitment phobes who aren’t ever trying to label things, while the disorganized attachment style indicates you oscillate between avoidant and anxious behaviors. One person’s behavior can also vary based on who they’re with, so while you may be secure with one partner, different relationships trigger different styles.
But we’re actually not here today to ID how you love! (You can learn more about it here though.) What we are here to do is provide recommendations for songs you’ll likely resonate with—based on the way you approach relationships.
Ahead, find some on-the-nose recs from all of our favorite pop girls (both secure and otherwise). Because when you’re deep in the emotional trenches, you need a reminder that your fave accolade-heavy artist just might relate.
The Avoidant Attachment Style Songs
“NASA” by Ariana Grande
Most Avoidant Lyrics: “Give you the whole world, I’mma need space.”
“Bite the Hand” by Boygenius
Most Avoidant Lyrics: “Your hands are grabbing while my hands are tied / I can’t love you how you want me to.”
“This Is Me Trying” by Taylor Swift
Most Avoidant Lyrics: “And I just wanted you to know / That this is me trying / (And maybe I don’t quite know what to say).”
“Crybaby” by SZA
Most Avoidant Lyrics: “’Cause all I seem to do is get in my way / Then blame you, it’s just a cycle, I’m so psycho.”
“Picture You” by Chappell Roan
Most Avoidant Lyrics: “Do you feel the same? I’m too scared to say (Oh) / Half of the things I do when I picture you.”
“Couldn’t Make It Any Harder” by Sabrina Carpenter
Most Avoidant Lyrics: “I know you’re frustrated / ’Cause I will not let you touch me / You say you can take it / But you don’t know how hard I can make it.”
“scared of my guitar” by Olivia Rodrigo
Most Avoidant Lyrics: “If I was brave and noble like you / I’d have the nerve to just stop stringin’ you along / But I’m not half as decent as you / I’d rather be tied to someone, even if they’re wrong.”
“I’m Like a Bird” by Nelly Furtado
Most Avoidant Lyrics: “I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away / I don’t know where my soul is (soul is) / I don’t know where my home is.”
“Death Roll” by Doechii
Most Avoidant Lyrics: “Ring-ring, got that call but I can’t call back / Feeling all alone and I can’t stall that.”
The Disorganized Attachment Style Songs
“No One Noticed” by the Marias
Most Disorganized Lyrics: “Come on, don’t leave me it can’t be that easy, babe / If you believe me I guess I’ll get on a plane / Fly to your city excited to see your face / Hold me, console me and then I’ll leave without a trace.”
“I Love You, I’m Sorry” by Gracie Abrams
Most Disorganized Lyrics: “I tend to laugh whenever I’m sad / I stare at the crash, it actually works / Making amends, this shit never ends / I’m wrong again, wrong again.”
“Revolving Door” by Tate McRae
Most Disorganized Lyrics: “But I keep comin’ back like a revolvin’ door / Say I couldn’t want you less, but I just want you more.”
“Halley’s Comet” by Billie Eilish
Most Disorganized Lyrics: “I don’t want it / And I don’t want to want you / But in my dreams I seem to be more honest / And I must admit, you’ve been in quite a few.”
“Sometimes” by Britney Spears
Most Disorganized Lyrics: “Sometimes I run / Sometimes I hide / Sometimes I’m scared of you / But all I really want is to hold you tight.”
“Happiness Is a Butterfly” by Lana Del Rey
Most Disorganized Lyrics: “Happiness is a butterfly / Try to catch it, like, every night / It escapes from my hands into moonlight.”
“Love Me Not” by Ravyn Lanae
Most Disorganized Lyrics: “And, oh, it’s hard to see you but I wish you were right here / Oh, it’s hard to leave you when I get you everywhere.”
The Anxious Attachment Style Songs
“Cornelia Street” by Taylor Swift
Most Anxiously Attached Lyrics: “And baby, I’m so terrified of if you ever walk away / I’d never walk Cornelia Street again.”
“Liability” by Lorde
Most Anxiously Attached Lyrics: “I do my best to meet her demands, play at romance, we slow dance / In the living room, but all that a stranger would see / Is one girl swaying alone, stroking her cheek.”
“Risk” by Gracie Abrams
Most Anxiously Attached Lyrics: “I’m gonna bend till I break and / You’ll be my favorite mistake / I wish you could hold me here, shakin’ / You’re the risk, I’m gonna take it.”
“Messy” by Reneé Rapp
Most Anxiously Attached Lyrics: “Trust me as soon as you go / I’ll make fake scenarios / Where I ask if I am yours and you say, “No” / That leads to crying in the grocery store.”
“Bags” by Clairo
Most Anxiously Attached Lyrics: “Can you see me? I’m waiting for the right time / I can’t read you, but if you want, the pleasure’s all mine / Can you see me using everything to hold back? / I guess this could be worse.”
“Needy” by Ariana Grande
Most Anxiously Attached Lyrics: “I’m obsessive and I love too hard / Good at overthinking with my heart / How you even think it got this far?”
The Secure Attachment Style Songs
“Sweet Nothing” by Taylor Swift
Most Secure Lyrics: “’Cause they said the end is comin’, everyone’s up to somethin’ / I find myself runnin’ home to your sweet nothings / Outside, they’re push and shovin’, you’re in the kitchen hummin’ / All that you ever wanted from me was nothin.’”
“All Night” by Beyoncé
Most Secure Lyrics: “True love never has to hide / I’ll trade your broken wings for mine / I’ve seen your scars and kissed your crime.”
“thank u, next” by Ariana Grande
Most Secure Lyrics: “I ain’t worried ’bout nothin’ / Plus, I met someone else / We’re havin’ better discussions / I know they say I move on too fast / But this one gon’ last / ’Cause her name is Ari / And I’m so good with that.”
“JUST LIKE WE NEVER SAID GOODBYE” by SOPHIE
Most Secure Lyrics: “And it makes me feel, makes me feel, like everything that I could ever need / And it makes me feel, and it makes me feel, like I don’t ever wanna say goodbye.”
“So My Darling” by Rachel Chinouriri
Most Secure Lyrics: “You are my best friend, you are my best friend / Remember I’ll always love you.”
“so american” by Olivia Rodrigo
Most Secure Lyrics: “He laughs at all my jokes / And he says I’m so American / Oh, God, it’s just not fair of him / To make me feel this much.”
“It Isn’t Perfect But It Might Be” by Olivia Dean
Most Secure Lyrics: “You say no need to look behind me / That I can keep you here beside me / To make a mess of it, then make the best of it / It isn’t perfect, but it might be.”
