There’s an ancient proverb that goes something like, “Give a man a new form of technology, and he will use it to cheat on his girlfriend.”
I obviously made that up. But while it may not technically be an age-old bit of wisdom, I fear there is truth to it. (And yes, I’m aware this truth applies to people of all genders and sexualities. Not all cheaters are straight men—just a lot of them.) One of the many complicated things about cheating is that it means different things to different people. And as technology continues to become an increasingly significant part of our love lives, debates about what “counts” as cheating have become all the more complicated as new forms of tech breed new ways to step out on a partner without ever physically stepping anywhere, from sexting to DM-sliding to OnlyFans.
Now, thanks to AI, there’s a whole new genre of technology-based cheating emerging. Headlines about people forging romantic relationships with AI boyfriends and girlfriends have reached a fever pitch in recent months. But what happens when someone with a real, human partner strikes up an affair with an AI sidepiece behind their back?
According to psychologist Justin Lehmiller, PhD of the Kinsey Institute, this is already a reality—one we can only expect to become more widespread. “As the technology continues to advance and become accessible to a larger percentage of the population, it’s highly likely that we’ll see more people engage with AI in romantic and sexual ways,” Lehmiller tells Cosmopolitan. “This includes romantic and sexual behaviors with AI that some may consider to be infidelity.”
Per a recent study conducted by DatingAdvice.com in partnership with the Kinsey Institute, many people do indeed see AI affairs as a form of infidelity. According to the study, a total of 61 percent of singles consider some form of romantic or sexual AI engagement outside of a relationship to be cheating—32 percent say sexting with an AI counts, while 29 percent say forging a romantic relationship with an AI companion is cheating.
So what does this mean for the future of relationships—and the future of infidelity?
One thing about cheating is that while technology continues to give us new ways to do it, so much about the psychology of infidelity remains more or less the same. According to Lehmiller, those who cheat with AI companions likely do it for many of the same reasons that drive people to cheat with fellow humans: “Some people might want to explore fantasies with AI that don’t feel feasible or acceptable to explore with a human partner. Others might be looking for a little extra romantic, emotional, or sexual attention beyond what they already receive in their daily lives, as a way to cope with stress or interpersonal problems.”
Another thing about cheating is that many people see it as a hierarchy in which different forms of infidelity represent more or less egregious offenses, hence “microcheating.” So for those who may see sexting with an AI mistress as a lesser evil than a flesh and blood “other woman,” is there a world in which AI could serve as a harm-reduction outlet that reduces actual, human-on-human infidelity?
According to Lehmiller, it doesn’t seem particularly likely. “I think it’s possible that we’ll see some reduction, but thus far, the available research shows that most people who use AI for romantic or sexual reasons are not seeing AI as a replacement for human relationships,” he tells Cosmo. “This means that people who are willing to cheat on their partners are likely to continue doing so with other humans, even when AI partners are available.”
Unfortunately, times change, technology moves us forward (or arguably backward), but cheating is forever. And whether that cheating happens with a human or a robot, feelings are bound to get hurt one way or another.
“As AI becomes more sophisticated and capable of mimicking intimacy, more and more users will have interactions with AI that involve secrecy, emotional investment, and authentic feelings,” says Lehmiller. “These are hallmarks of romantic betrayal, and they’ll cause hurt feelings, even if the other partner is AI.”
Because the real truth about cheating—one as eternal as the act itself—is that for all our debates about what “counts” and what doesn’t, the thing that makes cheating cheating isn’t who it’s with or how it’s done or how far it goes—it’s the betrayal of trust. And that’s real—even if your AI sidepiece isn’t.
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