As of last week, the world is an infinitely better place, because it is now a place with new Chappell Roan music. The Midwest Princess turned global superstar recently became the latest pop girlie to foray into country music with her new single, “The Giver,” a cheeky bop celebrating lesbian sex in all its glory. The promo and music video for the track features Chappell cosplaying various service-oriented gigs like queer Barbie, including a plumber, a construction worker, a dentist, and a lawyer in a playful nod to the song’s central innuendo, “I get the job done.”
It’s not hard to pick up what Chappell’s putting down here. But if you’re not particularly in the know re: lesbian sex culture, you may not have picked up on a specific queer sex dynamic she’s alluding to. As Them aptly noted in a recent explainer, this sapphic sex anthem is giving “service top.”
“A service top is someone who enjoys being in control or taking the active role in sex but does so with the primary focus of giving their partner pleasure,” says sex therapist Casey Tanner, a sexpert for Lelo. “It’s a dynamic where the top’s satisfaction comes from the act of pleasing their partner, rather than exerting dominance for their own gratification.”
Service tops are part of a broader ecosystem, if you will, of roles and dynamics that exist within lesbian/queer sex culture. So, in honor of this queer sex banger Chappell has so graciously bestowed upon us, here’s a quick guide to a few lesbian sex terms you may want to know, whether you like to give it like a giver, take it like a taker, or…are just curious, honestly!
Top/Bottom/Switch
In queer sex, one partner usually acts as the “top” while the other partner is the “bottom.” Generally speaking, the top is the “giver” (hence the song!), or the one “doing something” to the bottom, the receiver. In penetrative sex, for example, the top is the penetrating partner, but it’s important to note that these roles aren’t limited to penetrative play and can apply to all forms of sex.
“More generally, topping and bottoming are often associated with penetration, but for lesbians, these roles can be much more fluid and nuanced,” says Tanner. “Being a top might mean being the initiator, the giver of pleasure, or the more dominant partner, while being a bottom could mean enjoying a more receiving, bratty, and/or submissive role.”
People may identify as a top or bottom if they always prefer one role over the other, while folks who like to mix it up are often referred to as “switch” or “vers.” While these terms originated in the queer community and are typically used in that context, these roles and dynamics can technically apply to sex between people of any gender configuration and can be helpful in de-centering a heteronormative, male-pleasure-oriented conception of sex.
These terms can also be used in a kink/BDSM context, wherein a “top” is the dominant partner, a “bottom” is the submissive partner, and a “switch” or “vers” may take on either role or alternate between them. Even if you’re not acting as a switch, there may be fluidity to these roles, with phrases like “topping from the bottom” referring to a submissive partner subtly manipulating or exerting control over the dynamic.
“While these terms originated in gay male communities, they have evolved in lesbian spaces to describe not just physical roles but also emotional and energetic dynamics in sex and intimacy,” says Tanner. “Lesbian sexual dynamics often prioritize a wide range of sensations and power exchanges beyond penetration, so these terms can take on different meanings depending on the people using them.”
Stone Top
Popularized by Leslie Feinberg’s 1993 novel, Stone Butch Blues, a stone top is a top who doesn’t want to receive sexual touch. They enjoy (and often get off on) touching their partner but do not want them to return the favor.
“Like many sexual labels used amongst lesbians, stone top often refers to more than just a set of sexual behaviors and can encompass someone’s personality and general approach to being in relationships,” says Tanner, adding that this identity is often, though not exclusively, associated with masculine-leaning queer women.
Service Top
The role Chappell seems to be referencing most specifically in “The Giver,” a service top is a top who gets off on giving to their partner sexually. They enjoy taking on a more assertive or dominant role during sex, specifically with their partner’s pleasure in mind. As Tanner explained above, a service top’s main priority during sex is pleasing their partner, and they may take instruction from their bottom, delighting in giving them exactly what they want and ask for.
Service Bottom
A less commonly used term, “‘service bottom’ describes someone who enjoys submission or receiving pleasure in a way that is centered on the top’s experience,” says Tanner. “This could mean being especially responsive or enthusiastic about fulfilling their top’s desires.” This dynamic is more common in Dom/sub contexts, wherein a “service bottom” would more commonly just be called a sub, says Tanner.
Pillow Princess
A pillow princess is the opposite of a stone or service top: someone who prefers to receive sexual touch and pleasure from their partner but doesn’t want to return it. It can sometimes be used as a derogatory term denoting “laziness” or “selfishness” in bed, but in reality it’s a completely valid role/identity. “Lesbians often use this term playfully and lovingly, as it isn’t meant to shame those who have this preference,” says Tanner.
A pillow princess may also be called a “stone bottom,” although Tanner notes that this term tends to carry a slightly different connotation. “While both may be primarily receptive partners, the reasons behind their approach to sex can be very different,” says Tanner, explaining that for stone bottoms, “the preference not to give is often rooted in personal boundaries, dysphoria, or specific comfort levels rather than preference.”
Power Bottom
“A power bottom is someone who, while in a receiving role, takes an active and assertive approach to their pleasure,” says Tanner. “Rather than being passive, a power bottom directs the experience—setting the pace, guiding their partner, and sometimes even holding a sense of control over how they receive.” An example of topping from the bottom, “it’s an empowered term that redefines bottoming as something engaged and commanding, rather than simply submissive,” says Tanner.
